Monday 19th November 2007
Thurs 15 Nov
Floodlit game Leamington Spa to Basildon
Nobby 9 v 8 Stobby
Didn't play the trip to Leamington thankfully, too many Frenchies about.
Was heading for a disaster game as the M40 left Stobby trailing 5 - 1!! Zut Alors! On the M25 I saw a lorry emblazoned Carpenters. Just thought you might like to know.
Unusually saw 2 Tate and Lyle tankers - but they could not be counted. You have to have rules. Without rules where would we be? France.
M25 was kind - in terms of the game, not the damn traffic. After thinking the thrashing on the M40 was irreversable the score was hauled back to 6 all! Just after the A10 our hearts were broken by the sight of a Nobby 7 - 6. Bugger.
A Nobby tanker rubbed salt in the wound at the A12 before another Stobby restored hope 8 - 7.
Unbelievably a Nobby was ambling along in the queue for the A127 9 - 7.
Despite a late Stobby just by the turn off it ended 9 - 8. Merde.
Good game.
Al Murray, the pub landlord, would be happy with the anti-French stuff. Yes it is a parody ladies and gentlemen.
Anyway, I had loads of emails today.
Dear Ian
Thank you for your recent application via Marketing Jobboard. Unfortunately your skills and experience do not match what we are looking for at this time.
However, we will keep your details on file and if your skills and experience match a specific role, we will be the first to contact you! If you wish to be removed from our records, please email us at info@brandrecruitment.co.uk .
We wish you all the best in your future career.
All best,
Jayde
___________________________________
I think it was the comment about my bad back, and not wanting to dig in.
Dear Ian,
Thank you for your CV and covering letter. We have no immediate positions, however, we will keep your details on file for 6 months and we will be in contact should a suitable opportunity arise. If you do not wish us to keep your details on file please notify us by return.
Best Wishes
Caroline Garside
HR Administrator
What? You were the ones that advertised in The Guardian, I know you have positions.
Dear Caroline
Thank you for your e-mail.
I have to admit that I was a bit surprised, as I was applying for positions that you have advertised.
However, I am pleased that you are keeping my details on file, and I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
And from Frankfurt:
Dear Mr. Carpenter,
sorry, I was out for a couple of days. I'm still in the process of collecting all incoming applications.
I will get back to you if I need more information about your application.
Best regards,
Klaus Brune
See 13th November, Klaus is not good with capital letters.
Dear Mr Brune
Thank you for your e-mail.
I hope you enjoyed your few days holiday. You must be really busy catching up on e-mails. I am grateful for your response.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if I can provide more information.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Anyway, I got into work early this morning. I had a chat with Melissa and Laura, from our accounts department. I brought to their attention my interest in the fine art of origami.
Within ten minutes, I had a crane Mum and Baby on my desk.
I really did not ask them to do it.
But they are fantastic!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Sunday 18th November 2007
I received a fantastic e-mail this afternoon. Can you guess who it was from?
It is not from Klaus Brune, we have already ascertained that he is away from the office until tomorrow morning. Hang on, how did I overlook Hans Joachim-Koch in the ridiculous names list?
No, it was from Nicky's Mum, Jean. It turns out she has been reading the blog, and was taken with the origami:
Hi Eeeeeeyan
Just thought you would like a look at the following
www.britishorigami.org.uk
Who would have thought it.
Methinks they are Liberals - the beards are the giveaway !!!!!!!
As an origami man have you heard of Thoki Yen?
Sadly now deceased.
BOGS
British Origami Gourmet Society - a group of paperfolders who practise folding during meals (see poppadom)
Poppadom
People Out Practising Paperfolding And Dining On Masala - a group of folders who enjoy Indian food See BOGS
Love
Jean
Brilliant!!!
'Thoki began his career as a magician, but developed it far beyond that. For one thing, he had an innate ability as an artist. No hesitant or tentative lines for Thoki! The first lines he drew were always right. Kalmon appeared like magic with just the right posture and expression for what he was telling us. Thoki was able to “draw” with scissors just as well as with a pencil and this led him to develop his act in which he would cut his little cut-and-folded animals. It was suggested to him by a friend, who noticed his unusual abilities and it became for many years his main claim to fame. He devised a large repertoire of models and when he invited the audience to ask them to suggest a creature, he was always able to select an animal from the clamour that went up! It was through this paper-cutting routine that Thoki came to the notice of paperfolders. In the early 1950s, Robert Harbin heard about Thoki through the showmen’s grapevine, but misunderstood and in “Paper Magic” (1956), he mentioned Thoki as being a paperfolder, but a very elusive one.'
Anyway, after all that excitement, on with the jobs.
'Smg is seeking 4 sales executives to join our dynamic team in Amsterdam.'
Great, as discussed above, I lived in Holland for a brief period. It would be nice to go back and meet up with Jaques and the others. No apply by date so here we go:
Dear Tracey Van Gessel
I read with wonder your advertisement for Sales executives to join your team in Amsterdam.
Your advertisement stated that I should visit your website, which I have done. It also requested that I send a motivating letter, so here is my attempt:
A week ago, I did not know how to do origami, but I bought a book. I have attached a picture of a ‘Space Ship’ that I created this afternoon. You see, anything is possible!!!
I hope that this is motivating enough, and I have attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
THE CITY COUNCIL OF LIVERPOOL PROCUREMENT SUPPORT UNIT CONTRACT 1089
Why all capitals? As discussed above, I am a keen supporter of Liverpool Football Club. If you remember, it cost me the Manager's job at Tottenham Hotspur. So I am most intrigued by this job.
'The questionaire document can be downloaded from the Liverpool City Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of service, p for procurement ubit, then current tenders.':
Advert Q10182 Safeguarding Adults - Investigative Skills
Quote Q10182 Safeguarding Adults - Investigative Skills
Advert Q10187 HUB 2008 - Temporary Skate Park
Quote Q10187 HUB 2008 - Temporary Skate Park
Advert Q10189 Liverpool Capital of Culture Events 2008 - Economic Impact Assessment
Quote Q10189 Liverpool Capital of Culture Events 2008 - Economic Impact Assessment
Advert STQ060 Kitchen Equipment for Catering Services
Quote STQ060 Kitchen Equipment for Catering Services
Advert STQ061 Home Improvement Packs (HIPS)
Quote STQ061 Home Improvement Packs (HIPS)
Advert STQ062 Hire of Pianos and Equipment
Quote STQ062 Hire of Pianos and Equipment
Advert STQ063 Production of a Short Video
Quote STQ063 Production of a Short Video
As you can see there is a lot going on in Liverpool at the moment. I couldn't possibly apply for all of these tenders, that would be ridiculous. However, the Hire of Pianos and Equipment does interest me.
INVITATION TO QUOTE
STQ 062
Hire of Pianos /Equipment plus Piano Tuner
Liverpool City Council on behalf of the Liverpool Culture Company is
looking to appoint a supplier to provide the hire of 4 Pianos plus a
piano tuner and other related equipment.
Please see quotation document for specification requirements
For further information or to arrange a site visit please contact [name deleted]
The quotation document may be downloaded from the Liverpool City
Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of council
services, for procurement unit, then current tenders.
Closing date for receipt of completed quotations is 10.00am Friday,
14th December 2007.
Please visit this site, and read the tender request, it is sublime. About 100 pages of clauses, in order to hire 4 pianos plus a piano tuner. It must have taken them the best part of a year to draw it all up. Meetings, follow meetings, and who is going to order the Rich Teas? Do they have to put that out to tender?
INVITATION TO QUOTE
STQ 063
Supply of Rich Tea Biscuits/Digestives plus biscuit taster
Liverpool City Council on behalf of the Liverpool Culture Company is looking to appoint a supplier to provide the supply of 4 packets of biscuits plus a biscuit taster and other related equipment.
Please see quotation document for specification requirements
For further information or to arrange a site visit please contact [name deleted]
The quotation document may be downloaded from the Liverpool City
Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of council
services, for procurement unit, then current tenders.
Closing date for receipt of completed applications is 11.00am Friday, as that is when we are meeting to discuss the proposal for changing from PG Tips to Tetley (subject to approval by the Council).
I received a fantastic e-mail this afternoon. Can you guess who it was from?
It is not from Klaus Brune, we have already ascertained that he is away from the office until tomorrow morning. Hang on, how did I overlook Hans Joachim-Koch in the ridiculous names list?
No, it was from Nicky's Mum, Jean. It turns out she has been reading the blog, and was taken with the origami:
Hi Eeeeeeyan
Just thought you would like a look at the following
www.britishorigami.org.uk
Who would have thought it.
Methinks they are Liberals - the beards are the giveaway !!!!!!!
As an origami man have you heard of Thoki Yen?
Sadly now deceased.
BOGS
British Origami Gourmet Society - a group of paperfolders who practise folding during meals (see poppadom)
Poppadom
People Out Practising Paperfolding And Dining On Masala - a group of folders who enjoy Indian food See BOGS
Love
Jean
Brilliant!!!
'Thoki began his career as a magician, but developed it far beyond that. For one thing, he had an innate ability as an artist. No hesitant or tentative lines for Thoki! The first lines he drew were always right. Kalmon appeared like magic with just the right posture and expression for what he was telling us. Thoki was able to “draw” with scissors just as well as with a pencil and this led him to develop his act in which he would cut his little cut-and-folded animals. It was suggested to him by a friend, who noticed his unusual abilities and it became for many years his main claim to fame. He devised a large repertoire of models and when he invited the audience to ask them to suggest a creature, he was always able to select an animal from the clamour that went up! It was through this paper-cutting routine that Thoki came to the notice of paperfolders. In the early 1950s, Robert Harbin heard about Thoki through the showmen’s grapevine, but misunderstood and in “Paper Magic” (1956), he mentioned Thoki as being a paperfolder, but a very elusive one.'
Anyway, after all that excitement, on with the jobs.
'Smg is seeking 4 sales executives to join our dynamic team in Amsterdam.'
Great, as discussed above, I lived in Holland for a brief period. It would be nice to go back and meet up with Jaques and the others. No apply by date so here we go:
Dear Tracey Van Gessel
I read with wonder your advertisement for Sales executives to join your team in Amsterdam.
Your advertisement stated that I should visit your website, which I have done. It also requested that I send a motivating letter, so here is my attempt:
A week ago, I did not know how to do origami, but I bought a book. I have attached a picture of a ‘Space Ship’ that I created this afternoon. You see, anything is possible!!!
I hope that this is motivating enough, and I have attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
THE CITY COUNCIL OF LIVERPOOL PROCUREMENT SUPPORT UNIT CONTRACT 1089
Why all capitals? As discussed above, I am a keen supporter of Liverpool Football Club. If you remember, it cost me the Manager's job at Tottenham Hotspur. So I am most intrigued by this job.
'The questionaire document can be downloaded from the Liverpool City Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of service, p for procurement ubit, then current tenders.':
Advert Q10182 Safeguarding Adults - Investigative Skills
Quote Q10182 Safeguarding Adults - Investigative Skills
Advert Q10187 HUB 2008 - Temporary Skate Park
Quote Q10187 HUB 2008 - Temporary Skate Park
Advert Q10189 Liverpool Capital of Culture Events 2008 - Economic Impact Assessment
Quote Q10189 Liverpool Capital of Culture Events 2008 - Economic Impact Assessment
Advert STQ060 Kitchen Equipment for Catering Services
Quote STQ060 Kitchen Equipment for Catering Services
Advert STQ061 Home Improvement Packs (HIPS)
Quote STQ061 Home Improvement Packs (HIPS)
Advert STQ062 Hire of Pianos and Equipment
Quote STQ062 Hire of Pianos and Equipment
Advert STQ063 Production of a Short Video
Quote STQ063 Production of a Short Video
As you can see there is a lot going on in Liverpool at the moment. I couldn't possibly apply for all of these tenders, that would be ridiculous. However, the Hire of Pianos and Equipment does interest me.
INVITATION TO QUOTE
STQ 062
Hire of Pianos /Equipment plus Piano Tuner
Liverpool City Council on behalf of the Liverpool Culture Company is
looking to appoint a supplier to provide the hire of 4 Pianos plus a
piano tuner and other related equipment.
Please see quotation document for specification requirements
For further information or to arrange a site visit please contact [name deleted]
The quotation document may be downloaded from the Liverpool City
Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of council
services, for procurement unit, then current tenders.
Closing date for receipt of completed quotations is 10.00am Friday,
14th December 2007.
Please visit this site, and read the tender request, it is sublime. About 100 pages of clauses, in order to hire 4 pianos plus a piano tuner. It must have taken them the best part of a year to draw it all up. Meetings, follow meetings, and who is going to order the Rich Teas? Do they have to put that out to tender?
INVITATION TO QUOTE
STQ 063
Supply of Rich Tea Biscuits/Digestives plus biscuit taster
Liverpool City Council on behalf of the Liverpool Culture Company is looking to appoint a supplier to provide the supply of 4 packets of biscuits plus a biscuit taster and other related equipment.
Please see quotation document for specification requirements
For further information or to arrange a site visit please contact [name deleted]
The quotation document may be downloaded from the Liverpool City
Council website at www.liverpool.gov.uk Go to A-Z of council
services, for procurement unit, then current tenders.
Closing date for receipt of completed applications is 11.00am Friday, as that is when we are meeting to discuss the proposal for changing from PG Tips to Tetley (subject to approval by the Council).
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Saturday 17th November 2007
Applications: 77 Rejections: 5 Replies: 23 (22 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
From The Financial Times:
Thank you for your application. If you do not hear from us in the next 4 weeks your application has been unsuccessful at this time. However, your information will be stored electronically for six months in case any other suitable vacancies become available, with access limited to managers responsible for recruitment. If you don't wish us to keep your details on file please notify us by return.
So they will keep my details on file for six months! I was hoping this would all be over, well certainly by January. This could drag it out until May next year. That's 180 more days!
United Nations Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, has called for action on climate change at next month's Climate change conference in Bali. He was introducing the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report. I really hope that there is a job coming up over the next 14 pages working with the United Nations. Not because I care passionately about the environment, but because Ban Ki-moon would easily make the top five most ridiculous names list.
Anyway, on with the jobs...
Rambert Dance Company wanted a Head of Revenue Fund Raising. ABD 11/10/07. I am quite relieved by this, my partner used to work for a dance company, and I have seen some very odd contemporary dance in my time.
Wiley 1807-2007 Knowledge for Generations. They have been around for two hundred years, and to be honest, I'd never heard of them. What do they do?
'We currently have an opportunity for a Market Development Manager to join our Market Development department.'
That make sense, you wouldn't want them in the frozen food department.
'A good Knowledge of Wiley-Blackwell products, sales channels, and business models is desirable'.
Blackwell do books I think. I look at their website, Wiley has now bought up Blackwell Books.
'In 1807, Charles Wiley, then 25 years old, opened a small printing shop at 6 Reade Street in lower Manhattan, New York City. During the next four years, he worked with other printers, primarily Isaac Riley, printing and publishing law books. In 1812, "C. Wiley, Printer" appeared for the first time on the title pages of several legal works. Two years later, Charles Wiley formed a printing, publishing, and bookselling partnership with Cornelius Van Winkle, a noted printer, located at 3 Wall Street. At this site Wiley also hosted the "Den," a meeting place for writers such as James Fenimore Cooper and William Cullen Bryant that foreshadowed the Greenwich Village coffee houses of the 1950s. Wiley and Van Winkle ended their partnership in 1820, when Charles chose to focus on publishing and bookselling and began hiring others to do his printing. He published James Fenimore Cooper's The Spy in 1821 and helped to launch this first American novelist's career. Wiley also published works by Richard Henry Dana, Washington Irving, and many other writers.'
Alright, is it me, or is there some kind of Karma thing going on? Cornelius Van Winkle is definitely a contender for the ridiculous names list.
Anyway the apply by date has inevitably passed (15/10/07), but I have now reached the end of page 15!!! Over half way through the quest.
Page Sixteen looks a lot more colourful affair than some of the other pages. We have Pink, peach, and blue adverts on this page.
The Arch Nemesis is looking for a Head of Marketing and Communications. I think their communications are quite good. They have declined me on a Sunday Morning in five minutes before now.
'Positive about mental health
This trust operates a smoke-free policy'
Apply by date was 5/10/07.
Encams are looking for a Media and Communications Manager. I have come across these people before (See Sunday 11/11/07), they were looking for a Market Research Manager. They could have saved a few quid and put them all in one advert. Anyway, I am still relieved that they are a charity; I really wouldn't want to commute to Wigan.
The Guardian is looking for a Commercialbrandmanager, come on that is a ridiculous typo. (I refer you to my mate stew's e-mail of the 3rd of October). They also got about half the page, well it is their newspaper I suppose, and it is in peach.
'The CBM will be expected to employ a variety of ATL.'
I hope that is clear.
Anyway, apply by date was the 15th October 2007.
Brand Recruitment are looking for a Senior PR Executive and a Head of PR/ Brand Experience FMCG/Leisure. No apply by date!
Dear Madam/Sir
I have happened upon your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/10/07.
Your advertisement asked that I have a strong PR background preferably from financial services. I clearly do not have any PR experience, but I did work in a bank for ten years.
My only concern about your advertisement is that you mention:
‘This role will involve formulating strategic direction for the PR function and liaising with press at a high level as well as occasionally ‘digging in’ at events!!’
Whilst I have no objection to formulating the strategic direction (as long as you aren’t planning to start a war), I am unable to dig in, as I have a bad back. Will this affect my chances of employment in any way?
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Music for Youth were looking for a Chief Executive.
www.mfy.org.uk
Good stuff. ABD 22/10/07, but as discussed above, would not have applied anyway.
Applications: 77 Rejections: 5 Replies: 23 (22 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
From The Financial Times:
Thank you for your application. If you do not hear from us in the next 4 weeks your application has been unsuccessful at this time. However, your information will be stored electronically for six months in case any other suitable vacancies become available, with access limited to managers responsible for recruitment. If you don't wish us to keep your details on file please notify us by return.
So they will keep my details on file for six months! I was hoping this would all be over, well certainly by January. This could drag it out until May next year. That's 180 more days!
United Nations Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, has called for action on climate change at next month's Climate change conference in Bali. He was introducing the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change report. I really hope that there is a job coming up over the next 14 pages working with the United Nations. Not because I care passionately about the environment, but because Ban Ki-moon would easily make the top five most ridiculous names list.
Anyway, on with the jobs...
Rambert Dance Company wanted a Head of Revenue Fund Raising. ABD 11/10/07. I am quite relieved by this, my partner used to work for a dance company, and I have seen some very odd contemporary dance in my time.
Wiley 1807-2007 Knowledge for Generations. They have been around for two hundred years, and to be honest, I'd never heard of them. What do they do?
'We currently have an opportunity for a Market Development Manager to join our Market Development department.'
That make sense, you wouldn't want them in the frozen food department.
'A good Knowledge of Wiley-Blackwell products, sales channels, and business models is desirable'.
Blackwell do books I think. I look at their website, Wiley has now bought up Blackwell Books.
'In 1807, Charles Wiley, then 25 years old, opened a small printing shop at 6 Reade Street in lower Manhattan, New York City. During the next four years, he worked with other printers, primarily Isaac Riley, printing and publishing law books. In 1812, "C. Wiley, Printer" appeared for the first time on the title pages of several legal works. Two years later, Charles Wiley formed a printing, publishing, and bookselling partnership with Cornelius Van Winkle, a noted printer, located at 3 Wall Street. At this site Wiley also hosted the "Den," a meeting place for writers such as James Fenimore Cooper and William Cullen Bryant that foreshadowed the Greenwich Village coffee houses of the 1950s. Wiley and Van Winkle ended their partnership in 1820, when Charles chose to focus on publishing and bookselling and began hiring others to do his printing. He published James Fenimore Cooper's The Spy in 1821 and helped to launch this first American novelist's career. Wiley also published works by Richard Henry Dana, Washington Irving, and many other writers.'
Alright, is it me, or is there some kind of Karma thing going on? Cornelius Van Winkle is definitely a contender for the ridiculous names list.
Anyway the apply by date has inevitably passed (15/10/07), but I have now reached the end of page 15!!! Over half way through the quest.
Page Sixteen looks a lot more colourful affair than some of the other pages. We have Pink, peach, and blue adverts on this page.
The Arch Nemesis is looking for a Head of Marketing and Communications. I think their communications are quite good. They have declined me on a Sunday Morning in five minutes before now.
'Positive about mental health
This trust operates a smoke-free policy'
Apply by date was 5/10/07.
Encams are looking for a Media and Communications Manager. I have come across these people before (See Sunday 11/11/07), they were looking for a Market Research Manager. They could have saved a few quid and put them all in one advert. Anyway, I am still relieved that they are a charity; I really wouldn't want to commute to Wigan.
The Guardian is looking for a Commercialbrandmanager, come on that is a ridiculous typo. (I refer you to my mate stew's e-mail of the 3rd of October). They also got about half the page, well it is their newspaper I suppose, and it is in peach.
'The CBM will be expected to employ a variety of ATL.'
I hope that is clear.
Anyway, apply by date was the 15th October 2007.
Brand Recruitment are looking for a Senior PR Executive and a Head of PR/ Brand Experience FMCG/Leisure. No apply by date!
Dear Madam/Sir
I have happened upon your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/10/07.
Your advertisement asked that I have a strong PR background preferably from financial services. I clearly do not have any PR experience, but I did work in a bank for ten years.
My only concern about your advertisement is that you mention:
‘This role will involve formulating strategic direction for the PR function and liaising with press at a high level as well as occasionally ‘digging in’ at events!!’
Whilst I have no objection to formulating the strategic direction (as long as you aren’t planning to start a war), I am unable to dig in, as I have a bad back. Will this affect my chances of employment in any way?
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Music for Youth were looking for a Chief Executive.
www.mfy.org.uk
Good stuff. ABD 22/10/07, but as discussed above, would not have applied anyway.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Friday 16th November 2007
Applications: 75 Rejections: 5 Replies: 22 (21 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Unfortunately, this job has now been filled. Thank you for showing an interest.
Yours sincerely
Robert Jones
Never mind, well I did apply seven weeks late, what did I expect?
I was doing some research for the Liberal Democrat Project. I noticed the following on:
http://www.libdems.org.uk/party/people/
'Vince Cable
Following the resignation of Ming Campbell as party leader, his deputy Dr Vincent Cable has become Acting Leader pending a leadership election. You can read about Vince Cable on his biography page.'
What do you think of that? Do you not spell it Menzies?
Perhaps they have been hanging out with the good people at The Jolly Learning Partnership. Remember them from Thursday 8th November: they were the ones peddling synthetic phonics.
If I ever get to become an MP for the Liberal Democrats, I will be known as Eeyanne.
So, Islington Borough Council are loooking for a Corporate Communications Officer, Communications and Marketing Officers (x2), and a Senior Media Officer. Apply by date was 14th October 2007. I reflected for a moment on the sad irony of the written phrase:
'If you require this document in large print or Braile, please contact 0207 527 2000.'
Flight Centre want Sales Consultants:
'Having visited two continents outside europe.'
Hmm I haven't done this. I can count only Europe.
Never mind, I was not exactly qualified for Operational Consultancy.
Flightcentre.co.uk/careers
30 jobs, hmm, see above, that would be ridiculous, I'll be here for ever. So sorry flight centre, I hadn't been to two continents outside europe anyway.
Assistant Editor for UKIP!! My political leanings are being pushed from pillar to post here. As luck would have it, the apply by date was 3/10/07, blimey you had to be quick with that lot.
'AS & K Mercury Healthcare Communications is a leading communications agency providing innovative and strategically focussed solutions across the pharmaceutical industry.'
They are looking for an Editor and an Assistant Editor.
Dear Madam/Sir
I have come across your advertisement for the above positions in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I do not have a biomedical degree, or a life science degree. I did however get an A in GCSE biology.
I am interested in medical issues and Healthcare communications. I particularly like the anti-smoking poster where the cigarette turns into a tube of fatty cholesterol.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to your reply.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
TESCO would 'like to get closer to the communities we serve'. No really, you do surprise me. I already have a large TESCO, and four baby TESCOs all within walking distance of my house. However, they do not serve Holsten Pils, so they do not get my custom! They are apparently looking to put an even bigger TESCO about 800 yards nearer my house than the other large TESCO that is already there. How many toasters for £2.97 can they sell?
The person that you had to apply to by the 5th October was called David Younghusband. Sorry Marike, you have moved into second place in the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered on my little quest.
I doff my cap to Nick Hornby, but the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered so far looks like this:
1. David Younghusband
2. Marike Dippenaar
3. Sir Menzies Campbell (phonetically Ming)
4. Orkan Ahmadov
5. Klaus Brune/Patrick Meiier
Ofcom wanted a Partner. I thought this was a bit forward for a first encounter, but there we go. ABD 8/10/07.
Applications: 75 Rejections: 5 Replies: 22 (21 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Unfortunately, this job has now been filled. Thank you for showing an interest.
Yours sincerely
Robert Jones
Never mind, well I did apply seven weeks late, what did I expect?
I was doing some research for the Liberal Democrat Project. I noticed the following on:
http://www.libdems.org.uk/party/people/
'Vince Cable
Following the resignation of Ming Campbell as party leader, his deputy Dr Vincent Cable has become Acting Leader pending a leadership election. You can read about Vince Cable on his biography page.'
What do you think of that? Do you not spell it Menzies?
Perhaps they have been hanging out with the good people at The Jolly Learning Partnership. Remember them from Thursday 8th November: they were the ones peddling synthetic phonics.
If I ever get to become an MP for the Liberal Democrats, I will be known as Eeyanne.
So, Islington Borough Council are loooking for a Corporate Communications Officer, Communications and Marketing Officers (x2), and a Senior Media Officer. Apply by date was 14th October 2007. I reflected for a moment on the sad irony of the written phrase:
'If you require this document in large print or Braile, please contact 0207 527 2000.'
Flight Centre want Sales Consultants:
'Having visited two continents outside europe.'
Hmm I haven't done this. I can count only Europe.
Never mind, I was not exactly qualified for Operational Consultancy.
Flightcentre.co.uk/careers
30 jobs, hmm, see above, that would be ridiculous, I'll be here for ever. So sorry flight centre, I hadn't been to two continents outside europe anyway.
Assistant Editor for UKIP!! My political leanings are being pushed from pillar to post here. As luck would have it, the apply by date was 3/10/07, blimey you had to be quick with that lot.
'AS & K Mercury Healthcare Communications is a leading communications agency providing innovative and strategically focussed solutions across the pharmaceutical industry.'
They are looking for an Editor and an Assistant Editor.
Dear Madam/Sir
I have come across your advertisement for the above positions in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I do not have a biomedical degree, or a life science degree. I did however get an A in GCSE biology.
I am interested in medical issues and Healthcare communications. I particularly like the anti-smoking poster where the cigarette turns into a tube of fatty cholesterol.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to your reply.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
TESCO would 'like to get closer to the communities we serve'. No really, you do surprise me. I already have a large TESCO, and four baby TESCOs all within walking distance of my house. However, they do not serve Holsten Pils, so they do not get my custom! They are apparently looking to put an even bigger TESCO about 800 yards nearer my house than the other large TESCO that is already there. How many toasters for £2.97 can they sell?
The person that you had to apply to by the 5th October was called David Younghusband. Sorry Marike, you have moved into second place in the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered on my little quest.
I doff my cap to Nick Hornby, but the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered so far looks like this:
1. David Younghusband
2. Marike Dippenaar
3. Sir Menzies Campbell (phonetically Ming)
4. Orkan Ahmadov
5. Klaus Brune/Patrick Meiier
Ofcom wanted a Partner. I thought this was a bit forward for a first encounter, but there we go. ABD 8/10/07.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thursday 15th November 2007
Applications: 73 Rejections: 4 Replies: 21 (20 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
Dear Mr Brune
Thank you for your e-mail.
I do have a day off work on Friday 16th November, I could make it to Frankfurt by mid-day. Is this too soon for you to make a decision?
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I'm out of the office and on vacation. For urgent coverage questions, please contact Hans-Joachim Koch (hans-joachim.koch@dowjones.com) or Michael Matern (michael.matern@dowjones.com). If you need to reach somebody by phone, you can also try the Frankfurt desk at +49 69 29 725 500.
I will be back at my desk at around 0630 GMT Monday, Nov. 19.
Klaus Brune
News Editor, Germany
So the trip to Frankfurt is off for this weekend. Never mind.
Livres Libros Books:
'Fluency in French is essential with Italian highly desirable and a working knowledge of Spanish would be useful.'
Cher, querido, dear Robert
I read with a gargantuan amount of interest your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I like books, French and Spanish, so it seems the ideal job for me.
I also lived in Holland for three years.
I have no publishing experience, as yet.
Please find attached my CV, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Je vous prie d’agréer, mes salutations distinguées.
Hasta luego.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
END OF PAGE 14!!!!!!
Back to the Liberal Democrats. I have just been watching Nick Clegg and Chris Huhne arguing the same point with each other on Question Time. The Lib Dems missed a trick by not appointing me as their leader.
Them, and the International Institute of Communications; when will they learn?
The picture is of Lenny, sitting on the bus. You may notice the little 'v' in his left ear. This is an old battle wound. We sometimes call him Len-v.
Applications: 73 Rejections: 4 Replies: 21 (20 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
Dear Mr Brune
Thank you for your e-mail.
I do have a day off work on Friday 16th November, I could make it to Frankfurt by mid-day. Is this too soon for you to make a decision?
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I'm out of the office and on vacation. For urgent coverage questions, please contact Hans-Joachim Koch (hans-joachim.koch@dowjones.com) or Michael Matern (michael.matern@dowjones.com). If you need to reach somebody by phone, you can also try the Frankfurt desk at +49 69 29 725 500.
I will be back at my desk at around 0630 GMT Monday, Nov. 19.
Klaus Brune
News Editor, Germany
So the trip to Frankfurt is off for this weekend. Never mind.
Livres Libros Books:
'Fluency in French is essential with Italian highly desirable and a working knowledge of Spanish would be useful.'
Cher, querido, dear Robert
I read with a gargantuan amount of interest your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I like books, French and Spanish, so it seems the ideal job for me.
I also lived in Holland for three years.
I have no publishing experience, as yet.
Please find attached my CV, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Je vous prie d’agréer, mes salutations distinguées.
Hasta luego.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
END OF PAGE 14!!!!!!
Back to the Liberal Democrats. I have just been watching Nick Clegg and Chris Huhne arguing the same point with each other on Question Time. The Lib Dems missed a trick by not appointing me as their leader.
Them, and the International Institute of Communications; when will they learn?
The picture is of Lenny, sitting on the bus. You may notice the little 'v' in his left ear. This is an old battle wound. We sometimes call him Len-v.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
