Monday, January 28, 2008
Monday 28th January 2008
I arrived at work this morning and Josie came over from Solicitors' Enquiry Department.
When I originally bought the hand-knitted Swiss socks for Jean for Christmas, I had this idea of starting my own endeavour. I asked several people around the office whether they had a Granny that was prepared to knit me a pair of gloves. It was all pre-christmas hilarity, and everyone said, of course they would ask their respective Grannies to knit me a pair of gloves.
I have heard nothing since, until this morning.
As I say, Josie from SED (as we like to call it in the office) came over with a package in a waxed, brown paper bag. It was not just a pair of gloves, but three gloves!!!
How truly amazing?
I was actually brought to tears to think that Josie's Mum had been knitting these things for the last two months, because I had found this website about Swiss Grannies knitting socks, had gone into the office and asked people to ask their grannies to knit gloves, and it happened.
In the picture, you can see my feeble effort at trying to knit.
It is not easy.
And yet Josie's Mum (A Granny) has knitted me the most perfect gloves. They even fit me perfectly.
Thank you Josie's Mum.
Foxtons? Hmmm....
The Yorkshire Post are looking for a business editor.
Dear Peter
I have come across your advert in The Guardian dated 29/09/07 for the above position.
I have to admit, that I have never been to Leeds.
I do however feel that I have a link to the City, as I am a big fan of Martin Kelner.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I feel like I am hitting the wall in a marathon. Come on Christine, help me out here please.
I arrived at work this morning and Josie came over from Solicitors' Enquiry Department.
When I originally bought the hand-knitted Swiss socks for Jean for Christmas, I had this idea of starting my own endeavour. I asked several people around the office whether they had a Granny that was prepared to knit me a pair of gloves. It was all pre-christmas hilarity, and everyone said, of course they would ask their respective Grannies to knit me a pair of gloves.
I have heard nothing since, until this morning.
As I say, Josie from SED (as we like to call it in the office) came over with a package in a waxed, brown paper bag. It was not just a pair of gloves, but three gloves!!!
How truly amazing?
I was actually brought to tears to think that Josie's Mum had been knitting these things for the last two months, because I had found this website about Swiss Grannies knitting socks, had gone into the office and asked people to ask their grannies to knit gloves, and it happened.
In the picture, you can see my feeble effort at trying to knit.
It is not easy.
And yet Josie's Mum (A Granny) has knitted me the most perfect gloves. They even fit me perfectly.
Thank you Josie's Mum.
Foxtons? Hmmm....
The Yorkshire Post are looking for a business editor.
Dear Peter
I have come across your advert in The Guardian dated 29/09/07 for the above position.
I have to admit, that I have never been to Leeds.
I do however feel that I have a link to the City, as I am a big fan of Martin Kelner.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I feel like I am hitting the wall in a marathon. Come on Christine, help me out here please.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Saturday 26th January 2008
Some serious news.
The telly man came this morning to fix my telly in the dining room. Avid readers will have noticed that I sit in the dining room, smoking fags, whilst Nicky sits in the Lounge, in a smoke free haven. Well, for 8 years that has meant that I have to watch whatever is on the living room telly on the Sky channel (Sorry Jean, we did hide the dish behind the chimney so you didn't know we were giving money to Murdoch).
Well, he has given me a 'magic eye', which means that I can now control the Sky from the dining room.
It is brilliant!
Nicky went to bed this afternoon, while I sat there flicking through the interactive functions on the telly. There is NHS DIrect and everything. Alphabetically listed, there is every disease known to the science world. Molière's Malade Imaginaire would have had a field day.
For the last four years, I have been watching either BBC1, BBC2, ITV, Channel 4 or Teacher's TV. Now I have a limitless world of pointless drivel.
It is brilliant.
You know when you are watching the bowls, and it is coming to a really exciting climax? They say, press the red button. I couldn't. But now I can. I can watch the climax of darts, snooker, I can see the weather whenever I like.
It is brilliant.
And my wireless internet is working properly. I am a fully modern human being, down with the kids. I can sit in the dining room; playing scrabble with Derek from Melbourne, whilst watching re-runs of the A-team. What a life!
I tried to write a bit of the blog down in the dining room, but it wasn't right. A bit like the Lez and Liz, Liz and Lez situation, as discussed earlier. Just not right.
Anyway, I am concerned about the current acronym debate that is going on between me and Manchester University. I have decided to bring in some outside help:
Dear Madam/Sir
I am a keen supporter of Liverpool Football Club.
I have attached a copy of recent correspondence with Manchester University regarding acronyms.
I would be grateful if you could provide us with your opinion on the LFC versus LFOC debate. Could LFOC work for you? I mean, it would involve changing all of your merchandise, and replacing most of the seats in The KOP, but as a concept?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this matter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Let's see if Liverpool Football Club has anything to add.
I thought that I had better not mention Havant and Waterlooville. They were 2-1 up at one stage.
On the subject of Liverpool v Havant, they had Jan Molby on the radio as co-commentator. Now, if ever there is someone to look up to when it comes to language skills, he is your man. He is completely fluent in scouse, without a trace of Danish. I will quote wikipedia:
'Jan Mølby (born July 4, 1963 in Kolding) is a former Danish professional football player who spent much of his football career at English club Liverpool, even acquiring something of a Scouse accent in the process.'
Something of a scouse accent?
On with the jobs.
JLA: Leading Speaker Bureau/Entertainment Agency in Central London seeks
Agent
Dear Penny
Your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07 was fantastic.
You are looking for an agent.
I looked up the word agent in my Griffin Savers Oxford Dictionary (Oxford University Press 1984:page 12):
‘Agent n 1. a person who does something or instigates some activity, he is a mere instrument not an agent.’
I have, by sending this e-mail.
Please find attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Dear Madam/Sir
I noticed your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07, with a feeling that I had just skipped a stone seven times on the sea.
You mentioned that experienced registrars need only apply.
Sorry, but I am not an experienced registrar, but would like to apply anyway.
Please find attached my CV.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
The telly in the dining room is brilliant.
Some serious news.
The telly man came this morning to fix my telly in the dining room. Avid readers will have noticed that I sit in the dining room, smoking fags, whilst Nicky sits in the Lounge, in a smoke free haven. Well, for 8 years that has meant that I have to watch whatever is on the living room telly on the Sky channel (Sorry Jean, we did hide the dish behind the chimney so you didn't know we were giving money to Murdoch).
Well, he has given me a 'magic eye', which means that I can now control the Sky from the dining room.
It is brilliant!
Nicky went to bed this afternoon, while I sat there flicking through the interactive functions on the telly. There is NHS DIrect and everything. Alphabetically listed, there is every disease known to the science world. Molière's Malade Imaginaire would have had a field day.
For the last four years, I have been watching either BBC1, BBC2, ITV, Channel 4 or Teacher's TV. Now I have a limitless world of pointless drivel.
It is brilliant.
You know when you are watching the bowls, and it is coming to a really exciting climax? They say, press the red button. I couldn't. But now I can. I can watch the climax of darts, snooker, I can see the weather whenever I like.
It is brilliant.
And my wireless internet is working properly. I am a fully modern human being, down with the kids. I can sit in the dining room; playing scrabble with Derek from Melbourne, whilst watching re-runs of the A-team. What a life!
I tried to write a bit of the blog down in the dining room, but it wasn't right. A bit like the Lez and Liz, Liz and Lez situation, as discussed earlier. Just not right.
Anyway, I am concerned about the current acronym debate that is going on between me and Manchester University. I have decided to bring in some outside help:
Dear Madam/Sir
I am a keen supporter of Liverpool Football Club.
I have attached a copy of recent correspondence with Manchester University regarding acronyms.
I would be grateful if you could provide us with your opinion on the LFC versus LFOC debate. Could LFOC work for you? I mean, it would involve changing all of your merchandise, and replacing most of the seats in The KOP, but as a concept?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this matter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Let's see if Liverpool Football Club has anything to add.
I thought that I had better not mention Havant and Waterlooville. They were 2-1 up at one stage.
On the subject of Liverpool v Havant, they had Jan Molby on the radio as co-commentator. Now, if ever there is someone to look up to when it comes to language skills, he is your man. He is completely fluent in scouse, without a trace of Danish. I will quote wikipedia:
'Jan Mølby (born July 4, 1963 in Kolding) is a former Danish professional football player who spent much of his football career at English club Liverpool, even acquiring something of a Scouse accent in the process.'
Something of a scouse accent?
On with the jobs.
JLA: Leading Speaker Bureau/Entertainment Agency in Central London seeks
Agent
Dear Penny
Your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07 was fantastic.
You are looking for an agent.
I looked up the word agent in my Griffin Savers Oxford Dictionary (Oxford University Press 1984:page 12):
‘Agent n 1. a person who does something or instigates some activity, he is a mere instrument not an agent.’
I have, by sending this e-mail.
Please find attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Dear Madam/Sir
I noticed your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07, with a feeling that I had just skipped a stone seven times on the sea.
You mentioned that experienced registrars need only apply.
Sorry, but I am not an experienced registrar, but would like to apply anyway.
Please find attached my CV.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
The telly in the dining room is brilliant.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Friday 25th January 2008
The people from MIMAS have written back to me:
Dear Ian
The letters stand for Manchester Information & Associated Services. The word ‘and’ is very rarely included in acronyms such as this, and in this case I think they would simply have wanted to make the acronym easy to pronounce.
Best regards
Adam West
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
Dear Adam
Thank you for your e-mail.
I agree the word ‘and’ is very rarely included in an acronym. Also, not generally included in an acronym is a letter in the middle of a word.
If we allow letters in the middle of words to form part of the acronym, then:
Liverpool Football Club
or
LFC
Could become
LFOC
Liverpool Football Club.
LFOC is much easier to pronounce than LFC.
I look forward to your thoughts on this matter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
The people from MIMAS have written back to me:
Dear Ian
The letters stand for Manchester Information & Associated Services. The word ‘and’ is very rarely included in acronyms such as this, and in this case I think they would simply have wanted to make the acronym easy to pronounce.
Best regards
Adam West
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
Dear Adam
Thank you for your e-mail.
I agree the word ‘and’ is very rarely included in an acronym. Also, not generally included in an acronym is a letter in the middle of a word.
If we allow letters in the middle of words to form part of the acronym, then:
Liverpool Football Club
or
LFC
Could become
LFOC
Liverpool Football Club.
LFOC is much easier to pronounce than LFC.
I look forward to your thoughts on this matter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Dear Michael (Or should it be Michelle?)
Thank you for your e-mail, which gave me great encouragement.
I hope that the gender change operation passed off with no hiccups.
I regret to inform you that I can not take this application further. I would have loved to have punched some holes, in an assistant capacity. However, I am holophobic. That space in the middle that was once substance. It makes me feel a bit on edge.
However, I thank you for your response, and at least I know the going rate for holepunching.
That is; once I get over the phobia.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Thank you for your e-mail, which gave me great encouragement.
I hope that the gender change operation passed off with no hiccups.
I regret to inform you that I can not take this application further. I would have loved to have punched some holes, in an assistant capacity. However, I am holophobic. That space in the middle that was once substance. It makes me feel a bit on edge.
However, I thank you for your response, and at least I know the going rate for holepunching.
That is; once I get over the phobia.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Wednesday 23rd January 2008
Lot's of e-mail traffic today:
Dear Ian
Thank you for your e-mail enquiring about the Office Manager position at Arrow Therapeutics. We have now filled this vacancy and unfortuanately, we do not have any other administrative positions available at present.
Thank you for your interest in Arrow and I wish you good luck in your search for a suitable position.
Kind regards
Head of Personnel
Arrow Therapeutics
And:
Dear Ian
MIMAS stands for Manchester Information & Associated Services and is based at University of Manchester.
For further info please see their website here: http://www.mimas.ac.uk/
Best regards
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
And:
Southend to Brentford and back
22 Jan 08
On the A127 it occured to me that the Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game is dangerous. Particularly as it encourages driving without due care and attention.
I decided not to play.
I then discovered it is now physically impossible not to play. Try it. Its like eating a sugar donut without licking your lips. Impossible.
Things looked promising with Stobby maintaining the lead until I reach Nobbyland betwix A10 and A12 on the return when the score went from an amazing 10-10 to a soul destroying 15-10 to Nobby.
Luckily I didn't get arrested or killed.
From Steve.
Creative support wanted a practice learning coordinator: APD 22/10/07.
The Arch Nemesis were looking for someone to work in HM YOI Aylesbury. APD 22/10/07. Hmm the same as the last job.
Editor:Euromoney handbooks. It had disappeared from guardianjobs.co.uk.
Dear Adam
Thank you for your reply.
I’m still a bit unsure as to why it is MIMAS and not just MIAS. Where do you get the extra M from? If you take the & symbol as an A, it should be MIAAS.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
PS My Dad went to Manchester University
Tomorrow, I have to have an interview for my own job. This should be a bit weird.
Lot's of e-mail traffic today:
Dear Ian
Thank you for your e-mail enquiring about the Office Manager position at Arrow Therapeutics. We have now filled this vacancy and unfortuanately, we do not have any other administrative positions available at present.
Thank you for your interest in Arrow and I wish you good luck in your search for a suitable position.
Kind regards
Head of Personnel
Arrow Therapeutics
And:
Dear Ian
MIMAS stands for Manchester Information & Associated Services and is based at University of Manchester.
For further info please see their website here: http://www.mimas.ac.uk/
Best regards
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
And:
Southend to Brentford and back
22 Jan 08
On the A127 it occured to me that the Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game is dangerous. Particularly as it encourages driving without due care and attention.
I decided not to play.
I then discovered it is now physically impossible not to play. Try it. Its like eating a sugar donut without licking your lips. Impossible.
Things looked promising with Stobby maintaining the lead until I reach Nobbyland betwix A10 and A12 on the return when the score went from an amazing 10-10 to a soul destroying 15-10 to Nobby.
Luckily I didn't get arrested or killed.
From Steve.
Creative support wanted a practice learning coordinator: APD 22/10/07.
The Arch Nemesis were looking for someone to work in HM YOI Aylesbury. APD 22/10/07. Hmm the same as the last job.
Editor:Euromoney handbooks. It had disappeared from guardianjobs.co.uk.
Dear Adam
Thank you for your reply.
I’m still a bit unsure as to why it is MIMAS and not just MIAS. Where do you get the extra M from? If you take the & symbol as an A, it should be MIAAS.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
PS My Dad went to Manchester University
Tomorrow, I have to have an interview for my own job. This should be a bit weird.
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