Sunday 25th November 2007
We went to a wedding in Wales earlier this year, and they had a barn dance, or Ceilidh. This generally involved starting in the same place with your partner, before running around in opposite directions for twenty minutes, skipping and the like, before returning to the place you started, with your partner again.
A Ceilidh, all good fun.
The only reason that I mention this is that this is what I did with Nicky in Waitrose yesterday. I like to call it the Waitrose Ceilidh. We start generally in the same position. Now Nicky can handle the pointy elbows of the middle classes, but I can't. If I come across people who have stopped, I do not ask them politely to move, I feel it necessary to do a complete u-turn, going in the opposite direction to the way I actually want to go, going down the next aisle, before meeting up with Nicky again, her clutching a tin of sweetcorn, and me with a new Carlsberg Beer called Carlsberg Edge. If you have ever done any country dancing at school, I think you can probably see the similarity.
The Waitrose Ceilidh.
Anyway, the England Manager.
I had to set up a FA Number, or FAN, which I did.
Dear Brian Barwick
I noticed through the media over the past few days, that there is a vacancy for England Manager. I would like to apply for the position
Firstly, I have recently been considered for the Manager of Tottenham Hotspur, before they (wrongly in my opinion) gave it to Juande Ramos.
I would also point out that I watched the match on Wednesday, and I listened to the pundits at half time. I did not go and make a cup of tea, like everyone else, so I feel that I am a student of the game.
Let me highlight an issue that I think is a problem with the English game. Everyone talks about the Christmas Tree Formation; 4-3-2-1. This is never going to work! How can you expect to not concede goals, if you only have only one person at the back?
No, I propose a Reverse Christmas Tree Formation (RCTF). You have four people at the back, three people in front of them, followed by another two people, and then a lone striker.
I think it is an idea right from the top drawer!
I hope that you would consider my application; however, I would point out that I could only accept the position, if I could bring my colleague, Simon, with me, as Assistant Coach.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Let's see what will happen.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday 23rd November 2007
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I have the day off today, so I naturally have time on my hands. There is no better way than to kill time by playing Googlewhack. This was inspired by a book by Dave Gorman called, surpisingly, The Goolgewhack Adventure. The idea is that you put two random words into Google to see if you get only one hit.
Guess what?
Guardianwork rogan is a Googlewhack!!!
vegetable rogan josh - a love of food, food for love - romantic ...
Kill or cure, I reckon. For the record, chicken rogan josh, pilau rice... http://guardianwork.blogspot.com/. 0This result has 0 votes; Vote for this result ...a-love-of-food-food-for-love---romantic-recipes-swicki.eurekster.com/vegetable+rogan+josh/ - 59k - Cached - Similar pages
Fantastic!
The internet is a marvellous thing.
I have been on Blogspot for only a few weeks, but if you put guardianwork into google, there are twenty hits. The great thing is that my blog comes up first, and I haven't even paid Google anything. So, if ever anyone should happen to put guardianwork into google, the blog would be the first hit.
The other fantastic thing is it is cited on A love of food, food for love- romantic recipes. It is also cited on http://www.isthisyour.name/joe_gibson.htm, because of the original job application with The Arch Nemesis.
'The Football Association is committed to our vision of using the power of football to build a better future.
The core objectives that support the achievement of this are:
· To be seen by fans, players, managers, clubs and the government as the leading sports governing body in the world
· To lead the development of a grass-roots framework which will achieve the highest levels of participation in the world
· To achieve consistent, long-term success on the field through player development at every level
· To be a leading-edge marketing organisation
· To lead and shape the debate about football at a national, UEFA and FIFA level
· To provide leading-edge service levels both internally and externally
If this sounds like the type of organisation that you would like to be part of, then see and revisit this section for information on Vacancies.
FA Vacancies
There are no other vacancies at present'
Yes there is; Steve McLaren was sacked quite openly yesterday.
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I have the day off today, so I naturally have time on my hands. There is no better way than to kill time by playing Googlewhack. This was inspired by a book by Dave Gorman called, surpisingly, The Goolgewhack Adventure. The idea is that you put two random words into Google to see if you get only one hit.
Guess what?
Guardianwork rogan is a Googlewhack!!!
vegetable rogan josh - a love of food, food for love - romantic ...
Kill or cure, I reckon. For the record, chicken rogan josh, pilau rice... http://guardianwork.blogspot.com/. 0This result has 0 votes; Vote for this result ...a-love-of-food-food-for-love---romantic-recipes-swicki.eurekster.com/vegetable+rogan+josh/ - 59k - Cached - Similar pages
Fantastic!
The internet is a marvellous thing.
I have been on Blogspot for only a few weeks, but if you put guardianwork into google, there are twenty hits. The great thing is that my blog comes up first, and I haven't even paid Google anything. So, if ever anyone should happen to put guardianwork into google, the blog would be the first hit.
The other fantastic thing is it is cited on A love of food, food for love- romantic recipes. It is also cited on http://www.isthisyour.name/joe_gibson.htm, because of the original job application with The Arch Nemesis.
'The Football Association is committed to our vision of using the power of football to build a better future.
The core objectives that support the achievement of this are:
· To be seen by fans, players, managers, clubs and the government as the leading sports governing body in the world
· To lead the development of a grass-roots framework which will achieve the highest levels of participation in the world
· To achieve consistent, long-term success on the field through player development at every level
· To be a leading-edge marketing organisation
· To lead and shape the debate about football at a national, UEFA and FIFA level
· To provide leading-edge service levels both internally and externally
If this sounds like the type of organisation that you would like to be part of, then see and revisit this section for information on Vacancies.
FA Vacancies
There are no other vacancies at present'
Yes there is; Steve McLaren was sacked quite openly yesterday.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thursday 22nd November 2007
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I was mortally embarrassed today.
I went to the supermarket after work and I was forced to go to the check-out of the woman that saw me topless on the stage of the Southend Cliffs Pavillion, whilst serenading Julian Clary, whilst having my nipples rubbed by his erstwhile sidekick, Hugh Jelly (from sticky moments).
I have managed to avoid her for about four years since the incident, but she was right on the end of the line of checkouts. I went bright red.
I should just explain that I went to see Julian Clary about four years ago. I was selected to participate in his live show. I say selected, the bloke in front of me refused to go up, so it really forced my hand.
Anyway, after having to answer several questions about my favourite sexual positions etc, it was of great amusement to many of the 600 odd people in the audience that I worked in a bank.
The following day, Nicky and I went to the supermarket, and the check out person said:
"Were you at the Cliffs Pavilion last night?"
I could have died.
She still remembers the incident, apparently, even after four years.
I still have the bottle of champagne that I was given that night, I do have a picture.
So on with the administration.
Jane's Information Group, from yesterday, sent me an e-mail:
Dear Ian,
Sorry could you just clarify which position you would like to apply for.
Many thanks,
Emma Cussell
Resource and Development Administrator
Dear Emma
Thank you for your e-mail.
Please, do not apologise for asking for clarification of my application. I have to admit, it was not clear from my original e-mail.
I would like to apply for both positions advertised.
They were, in turn:
Deputy Editor, Jane’s Defence Weekly-Coulsdon Surrey.
and
Chief Sub-Editor (Defence and Transport)- Coulsdon Surrey.
I hope that this clarifies the matter, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I also received an odd e-mail:
Dear Ian
Regards
Craig Cobb Consultant
Judd Farris Property Recruitment
Dear Craig
Thank you for your e-mail.
I noted with a considerable amount of interest that you did not include a message.
The more you know, the less you need to show, I suppose.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Administration over.
It was pointed out to me, by Laura, Dan, Barry and Martin that there was a vacant position today. The England boss, Steve McLaren, has lost his job following last night's defeat. I have a day off tomorrow, so I reckon it may be time for bonus job number 3.
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I was mortally embarrassed today.
I went to the supermarket after work and I was forced to go to the check-out of the woman that saw me topless on the stage of the Southend Cliffs Pavillion, whilst serenading Julian Clary, whilst having my nipples rubbed by his erstwhile sidekick, Hugh Jelly (from sticky moments).
I have managed to avoid her for about four years since the incident, but she was right on the end of the line of checkouts. I went bright red.
I should just explain that I went to see Julian Clary about four years ago. I was selected to participate in his live show. I say selected, the bloke in front of me refused to go up, so it really forced my hand.
Anyway, after having to answer several questions about my favourite sexual positions etc, it was of great amusement to many of the 600 odd people in the audience that I worked in a bank.
The following day, Nicky and I went to the supermarket, and the check out person said:
"Were you at the Cliffs Pavilion last night?"
I could have died.
She still remembers the incident, apparently, even after four years.
I still have the bottle of champagne that I was given that night, I do have a picture.
So on with the administration.
Jane's Information Group, from yesterday, sent me an e-mail:
Dear Ian,
Sorry could you just clarify which position you would like to apply for.
Many thanks,
Emma Cussell
Resource and Development Administrator
Dear Emma
Thank you for your e-mail.
Please, do not apologise for asking for clarification of my application. I have to admit, it was not clear from my original e-mail.
I would like to apply for both positions advertised.
They were, in turn:
Deputy Editor, Jane’s Defence Weekly-Coulsdon Surrey.
and
Chief Sub-Editor (Defence and Transport)- Coulsdon Surrey.
I hope that this clarifies the matter, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I also received an odd e-mail:
Dear Ian
Regards
Craig Cobb Consultant
Judd Farris Property Recruitment
Dear Craig
Thank you for your e-mail.
I noted with a considerable amount of interest that you did not include a message.
The more you know, the less you need to show, I suppose.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Administration over.
It was pointed out to me, by Laura, Dan, Barry and Martin that there was a vacant position today. The England boss, Steve McLaren, has lost his job following last night's defeat. I have a day off tomorrow, so I reckon it may be time for bonus job number 3.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday 21st October 2007
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 25 (24 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
No e-mails received today.
Perhaps everyone was down the pub watching England get beaten 3-2 by Croatia. I thought it was a fairly exciting game, despite everyone's doom and gloom.
So on with posh page 17...
'Jane's Information Group offers a range of integrated advertising, intelligence and consultancy solutions in five specialist areas - defence, security, transport, public safety and law enforcement.'
Hmm...
I see another LoTSa here.
Dear Emma
I read with interest your advertisements in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that I am slightly late in responding, but I would still like to apply.
Firstly, I can’t help mentioning that you have missed a trick. You are marketing your organisation as Jane’s. Jane’s Information Group would lend itself to the acronym JIG. Just think of the possibilities!!!
JIGSAW- a monthly newsletter, where you tell everyone about the defence, security, transport, public safety and law enforcement that you have observed over the last month.
Let’s JIG! A once a month party when all like minded people can have a bit of a boogie, whilst discussing defence, security, etc.
I hope you are interested in my ideas.
I have attached my CV for your perusal and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
So we come to Sheridan Edward at Modern Art Oxford.
Charity, I am afraid, but take a look at their site www.modernartoxford.org.uk.
Titan Publishing Group want editors for comics, and designers. Apply by date 28/09/07.
What?!?!?
The paper was published on the 29/09/07.
Dear Madam/Sir
I was stupefied by your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Your advert asked that I apply for the job by the 28/09/07. Are you really expecting people to have developed a time machine?
I appreciate that you are publishing comics, but in the real world, I do not think that is possible.
However, I would like to try.
An associate of mine, who I call Paranormal Barry, could probably assist. Whenever he takes a photo, funny orbs appear in it.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to your earliest reply.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Two small adverts in the corner warrant no more than me sending them my CV:
Dear Madam/Sir
Please find attached my CV.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Can you imagine next summer, when the European championships are on? No UK teams. Oh well, at least the gutters will not be full of those stupid flags that have fallen off the car windows.
Every cloud...
Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 25 (24 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
No e-mails received today.
Perhaps everyone was down the pub watching England get beaten 3-2 by Croatia. I thought it was a fairly exciting game, despite everyone's doom and gloom.
So on with posh page 17...
'Jane's Information Group offers a range of integrated advertising, intelligence and consultancy solutions in five specialist areas - defence, security, transport, public safety and law enforcement.'
Hmm...
I see another LoTSa here.
Dear Emma
I read with interest your advertisements in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that I am slightly late in responding, but I would still like to apply.
Firstly, I can’t help mentioning that you have missed a trick. You are marketing your organisation as Jane’s. Jane’s Information Group would lend itself to the acronym JIG. Just think of the possibilities!!!
JIGSAW- a monthly newsletter, where you tell everyone about the defence, security, transport, public safety and law enforcement that you have observed over the last month.
Let’s JIG! A once a month party when all like minded people can have a bit of a boogie, whilst discussing defence, security, etc.
I hope you are interested in my ideas.
I have attached my CV for your perusal and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
So we come to Sheridan Edward at Modern Art Oxford.
Charity, I am afraid, but take a look at their site www.modernartoxford.org.uk.
Titan Publishing Group want editors for comics, and designers. Apply by date 28/09/07.
What?!?!?
The paper was published on the 29/09/07.
Dear Madam/Sir
I was stupefied by your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Your advert asked that I apply for the job by the 28/09/07. Are you really expecting people to have developed a time machine?
I appreciate that you are publishing comics, but in the real world, I do not think that is possible.
However, I would like to try.
An associate of mine, who I call Paranormal Barry, could probably assist. Whenever he takes a photo, funny orbs appear in it.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to your earliest reply.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Two small adverts in the corner warrant no more than me sending them my CV:
Dear Madam/Sir
Please find attached my CV.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Can you imagine next summer, when the European championships are on? No UK teams. Oh well, at least the gutters will not be full of those stupid flags that have fallen off the car windows.
Every cloud...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tuesday 20th November 2007
Applications: 77 Rejections: 5 Replies: 25 (24 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I'm out of the office. For urgent coverage questions until 1930 GMT, please call the Frankfurt desk at +49 69 29 725 500.
I will be back at my desk at around 0630 GMT Tuesday, Nov. 20.
Klaus Brune
News Editor, Germany
I have had so much interaction with Klaus, I feel that I know him personally.
Welcome to the Guardian Jobs newsletter
Dear Ian,
This November we have new education vacancies to set your enthusiasm alight. Following the launch of last month's jobs mobile service, we have a new video section with advice from how to write a covering letter to becoming the office hero. Guardian Jobs has all the help and advice you need at your fingertips.
Careers advice videosWant to know how to tell your boss you've made a big mistake? Or how to negotiate the salary for your new job? The videos offer straightforward, no nonsense advice on a range of work and career-related subjects.
Public gives teachers a glowing reportA recent survey has found public perceptions of teachers, and of teaching as a career, are surprisingly positive. Until recently, those in the profession, spurred on by negative stereotypes in the media and a lack of government support, have often believed the public did not have a very high opinion of teachers. But 50% of the public questioned now see teaching as an attractive career.
Dear JeremyWhether it's a personality clash in the office or an unwanted relocation issue our agony uncle Jeremy Bullmore will help you find a solution.
How's your work/life balance?Work/life balance doesn't just mean getting to the pub on time. There are new ways for employers and employees to decide on working hours and allot benefits. Try our quiz to find out if you know what 'getting wlb' involves.
Guardian Job services
Upload your CV
Jobs by email
Jobs by web feed
Jobmatch
People profiler
Jobs on your mobile
Browse
Arts and Heritage (210)
Government (523)
Media (1,696)
Charities (629)
Graduate (683)
Recruitment (420)
Construction (152)
Health (4,371)
Retail (25)
Consultancy (176)
Hospitality (39)
Sales (1,094)
Customer Service (33)
Housing (216)
Science (53)
Education (1,121)
HR & Training (112)
Secretarial (781)
Engineering (2,485)
IT & Telecoms (248)
Senior Executive (265)
Environment (257)
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Social Care (502)
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Recruiting now
If you do not wish to receive further emails from Guardian Jobs, please click unsubscribe from Guardian Jobs. If you do not wish to receive further emails from the Guardian please click unsubscribe from the Guardian. View Guardian Jobs Terms & Conditions.
The Guardian are really taking the proverbial now.
On a lighter note, the Government have today given away the personal details of 25 million people. This includes bank details, names and addresses of everyone in the UK that qualifies for family tax credits. This really puts my little error with the Complementry Art Gallery into perspective.
We have also tried to set up the inaugural meeting of the Southend Poppadom Society. Well I say we, more like Simon and me, in an Indian restaurant on Friday night. I am trying to get some takers, but no-one seems interested. Let's see what happens.
The chain smoking spider has really ceased to be. Hippy and Lenny are all ok (They are greatly relieved that the fireworks have dissipated).
So on with the jobs:
Oh no wait...
Paranormal Barry has been doing some repairs on a property that I manage. He sent me a picture of some fences that he has been working on. Guess what? Another orb.
I have also been trying to purloin pianos from various people at work. They all seem to have friends that own them, but are not willing to lend me them for The City Council of Liverpool.
Senior Public Affairs Manager at energywatch ;ABD 15/10/07.
Casual Subeditors, observer sport. I reckon I wouldn't have to wear a tie. Anyway, closing date was 7/10/07.
END OF PAGE 16!!!!
Page 17 looks a bit posh. I think I'll leave it until tomorrow. Sheridan Edward from Modern Art Oxford can surely wait another day for my application.
Applications: 77 Rejections: 5 Replies: 25 (24 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1
I'm out of the office. For urgent coverage questions until 1930 GMT, please call the Frankfurt desk at +49 69 29 725 500.
I will be back at my desk at around 0630 GMT Tuesday, Nov. 20.
Klaus Brune
News Editor, Germany
I have had so much interaction with Klaus, I feel that I know him personally.
Welcome to the Guardian Jobs newsletter
Dear Ian,
This November we have new education vacancies to set your enthusiasm alight. Following the launch of last month's jobs mobile service, we have a new video section with advice from how to write a covering letter to becoming the office hero. Guardian Jobs has all the help and advice you need at your fingertips.
Careers advice videosWant to know how to tell your boss you've made a big mistake? Or how to negotiate the salary for your new job? The videos offer straightforward, no nonsense advice on a range of work and career-related subjects.
Public gives teachers a glowing reportA recent survey has found public perceptions of teachers, and of teaching as a career, are surprisingly positive. Until recently, those in the profession, spurred on by negative stereotypes in the media and a lack of government support, have often believed the public did not have a very high opinion of teachers. But 50% of the public questioned now see teaching as an attractive career.
Dear JeremyWhether it's a personality clash in the office or an unwanted relocation issue our agony uncle Jeremy Bullmore will help you find a solution.
How's your work/life balance?Work/life balance doesn't just mean getting to the pub on time. There are new ways for employers and employees to decide on working hours and allot benefits. Try our quiz to find out if you know what 'getting wlb' involves.
Guardian Job services
Upload your CV
Jobs by email
Jobs by web feed
Jobmatch
People profiler
Jobs on your mobile
Browse
Arts and Heritage (210)
Government (523)
Media (1,696)
Charities (629)
Graduate (683)
Recruitment (420)
Construction (152)
Health (4,371)
Retail (25)
Consultancy (176)
Hospitality (39)
Sales (1,094)
Customer Service (33)
Housing (216)
Science (53)
Education (1,121)
HR & Training (112)
Secretarial (781)
Engineering (2,485)
IT & Telecoms (248)
Senior Executive (265)
Environment (257)
Legal (56)
Social Care (502)
Finance (310)
Leisure (17)
Travel & Transport (1,653)
General (188)
Marketing & PR (2,031)
Volunteering (38)
Recruiting now
If you do not wish to receive further emails from Guardian Jobs, please click unsubscribe from Guardian Jobs. If you do not wish to receive further emails from the Guardian please click unsubscribe from the Guardian. View Guardian Jobs Terms & Conditions.
The Guardian are really taking the proverbial now.
On a lighter note, the Government have today given away the personal details of 25 million people. This includes bank details, names and addresses of everyone in the UK that qualifies for family tax credits. This really puts my little error with the Complementry Art Gallery into perspective.
We have also tried to set up the inaugural meeting of the Southend Poppadom Society. Well I say we, more like Simon and me, in an Indian restaurant on Friday night. I am trying to get some takers, but no-one seems interested. Let's see what happens.
The chain smoking spider has really ceased to be. Hippy and Lenny are all ok (They are greatly relieved that the fireworks have dissipated).
So on with the jobs:
Oh no wait...
Paranormal Barry has been doing some repairs on a property that I manage. He sent me a picture of some fences that he has been working on. Guess what? Another orb.
I have also been trying to purloin pianos from various people at work. They all seem to have friends that own them, but are not willing to lend me them for The City Council of Liverpool.
Senior Public Affairs Manager at energywatch ;ABD 15/10/07.
Casual Subeditors, observer sport. I reckon I wouldn't have to wear a tie. Anyway, closing date was 7/10/07.
END OF PAGE 16!!!!
Page 17 looks a bit posh. I think I'll leave it until tomorrow. Sheridan Edward from Modern Art Oxford can surely wait another day for my application.
Monday, November 19, 2007
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