Wednesday 16th January 2008
It always amuses me at night, when I am dating this blog. I do the Peter Kay, looking at the watch thing when I want to check the date. Well observed Peter.
I spent the day in the fine county of Kent. To be precise, in Bromley and Dartford. As discussed earlier, it is all glamour here.
Now, one thing did strike me. The M25 is a fairly major road when getting around the South East. I mean, it is sign posted from here in Southend, and it is 19 miles away. However, the good people in Kent don't seem to want to know about it. Given that the M25 is probably only five miles from Bromley, do you think I could find a road sign for it? I ended up going back to the Blackwall Tunnel and back out again; plain ridiculous.
The road journey back from Dartford ended in a boring one-nil win for the French. I mean, sneaking in from the left just after the Dartford Tunnel; I ask you. I liken it to an Eric Cantona, except without the trawlers, or for that matter the seagulls. For better measure it is not like him at all.
Informa healthcare wanted two reporters.
Dear Alex
I am writing following your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
The apply by date was the 26th of October. I appreciate that I am three months late in applying.
Your advertisement asked that the candidate has strong pharmaceutical knowledge. Recently, the spam guard has broken at work, and we have been receiving countless e-mails about Viagra. This is a blue pill that particularly helped one man who had undergone a prostate cancer operation.
You also asked that the applicant should have a strong knowledge of German. I recently bought a pair of socks, knitted by a Swiss Granny. The entire transaction was carried out in German.
I hope that you will consider my application, even though it is ridiculously late.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
PS I have attached my CV
HCL Fairstaff: Agency.
The booksellers Association; charity.
Current Archaeology want a Magazine Designer. (Be honest, did you know Archaeology had an 'a' in it?)
APD 19/10/07.
END OF PAGE 24!!!!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tuesday 15th January 2008
Work was fun again. Sword of Damocles does not quite cover it.
Anyway, £5.07 has been donated to Cancer Research; it is quite simple to do online.
Dear Mr Carpenter [well it was Barry really]
Thank you very much for your kind gift of £5.07 to support the work of Cancer Research UK. Your donation will go towards research into the causes of cancer, and help find effective ways to detect, treat and prevent the disease.
Cancer Research UK supports the work of around 3,500 scientists, doctors and nurses and undertakes a comprehensive programme of research in institutes, hospitals and universities throughout Britain and Northern Ireland.
Please keep this safe in case you have any queries. You might like to print this email or save it to your computer hard drive.
If you have any questions or would like further information on the work of Cancer Research UK, please do not hesitate to get in touch on 020 7121 6699 or by email at supporter.services@cancer.org.uk.
Yours sincerely
Claire Wilson
Head of Supporter Services
Cancer Research UK
No e-mails again this evening, so on with the jobs.
Digital UK were looking for a Press Officer, but the apply by date was 25/10/07.
Bespoke, Adrem, E J Church and Gordonyates are all recruitment companies.
Reveal wanted a Senior Writer:
'Do you have what it takes to work in a celebrity lifestyle weekly? Are you a skilled journalist, who has experience in doorsteps, doorknocking and is happy to travel from New Orleans to Newport in pursuit of an exclusive?'
I so wanted to apply to this, but apply by date has passed, and you have got to have a system.
Work was fun again. Sword of Damocles does not quite cover it.
Anyway, £5.07 has been donated to Cancer Research; it is quite simple to do online.
Dear Mr Carpenter [well it was Barry really]
Thank you very much for your kind gift of £5.07 to support the work of Cancer Research UK. Your donation will go towards research into the causes of cancer, and help find effective ways to detect, treat and prevent the disease.
Cancer Research UK supports the work of around 3,500 scientists, doctors and nurses and undertakes a comprehensive programme of research in institutes, hospitals and universities throughout Britain and Northern Ireland.
Please keep this safe in case you have any queries. You might like to print this email or save it to your computer hard drive.
If you have any questions or would like further information on the work of Cancer Research UK, please do not hesitate to get in touch on 020 7121 6699 or by email at supporter.services@cancer.org.uk.
Yours sincerely
Claire Wilson
Head of Supporter Services
Cancer Research UK
No e-mails again this evening, so on with the jobs.
Digital UK were looking for a Press Officer, but the apply by date was 25/10/07.
Bespoke, Adrem, E J Church and Gordonyates are all recruitment companies.
Reveal wanted a Senior Writer:
'Do you have what it takes to work in a celebrity lifestyle weekly? Are you a skilled journalist, who has experience in doorsteps, doorknocking and is happy to travel from New Orleans to Newport in pursuit of an exclusive?'
I so wanted to apply to this, but apply by date has passed, and you have got to have a system.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Monday 14th January 2008
Well, it happened. The corporation has given us 30 days notice that we may be made redundant. Harrumph. All in all, it was a fun day at work. Not dwelling on that, my computer is up the swanny. So I am working on the laptop, which is never good.
With renewed vigour, and a real sense that I might actually need a new job soon, I plough on. And where do I plough on to?
QVC: The shopping channel!
'Most work has a high level of post-production grading and styling'
Really?
Here is some tut for £59.99, please buy it.
'Applicants are expected to make an effort to understand the nature and style of QVC's promotional material and business and we would a showreel of your recent work.'
Brilliant.
APD 19/09/07, shame.
Real recruitment, see above.
Camp America wanted people. The possibilities with this advert are unbelievable, however APD 3/10/07.
I am re-thinking Forest Gump's inclusion on the left wing. He is a bit like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
Well, it happened. The corporation has given us 30 days notice that we may be made redundant. Harrumph. All in all, it was a fun day at work. Not dwelling on that, my computer is up the swanny. So I am working on the laptop, which is never good.
With renewed vigour, and a real sense that I might actually need a new job soon, I plough on. And where do I plough on to?
QVC: The shopping channel!
'Most work has a high level of post-production grading and styling'
Really?
Here is some tut for £59.99, please buy it.
'Applicants are expected to make an effort to understand the nature and style of QVC's promotional material and business and we would a showreel of your recent work.'
Brilliant.
APD 19/09/07, shame.
Real recruitment, see above.
Camp America wanted people. The possibilities with this advert are unbelievable, however APD 3/10/07.
I am re-thinking Forest Gump's inclusion on the left wing. He is a bit like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Sunday 13th January 2008
I made a video today for the magnificent six. That is the six people that regularly read my blog. One is Barry, given; the other is my sister Alison. Who the other four are, only time will tell. However, it seems that the video gave the impression that it was all over. It is not. I have five pages to go, the video was just to prepare me, and the magnificent six for when this thing finishes. I don't even know about the copywright laws for using Simon & Garfunkel's Boookends music, but who cares? This is the internet. One shared world of democratised knowledge.
I am a bit worried tonight.
They, as in them, as in the man, as in, the corporation, are going to give an announcement tomorrow. I could be looking for a job.
Take that Alanis Morissette.
Preserve your memories; they are all that's left you.
I made a video today for the magnificent six. That is the six people that regularly read my blog. One is Barry, given; the other is my sister Alison. Who the other four are, only time will tell. However, it seems that the video gave the impression that it was all over. It is not. I have five pages to go, the video was just to prepare me, and the magnificent six for when this thing finishes. I don't even know about the copywright laws for using Simon & Garfunkel's Boookends music, but who cares? This is the internet. One shared world of democratised knowledge.
I am a bit worried tonight.
They, as in them, as in the man, as in, the corporation, are going to give an announcement tomorrow. I could be looking for a job.
Take that Alanis Morissette.
Preserve your memories; they are all that's left you.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Friday 11th January 2008
This is the second page in a row that I have seen this message from the Guardian:
'It is a condition of acceptance of advertisement orders that the proprietors of the Guardian do not guarantee the insertion of a particular advertisement on a specified date, or at although every effort will be made to meet the wishes of advertisers; further they do not accept liability for any loss or damage caused by any error or inaccuracy in the printing or non appearance of any advertisement, and reserve the right to edit or delete any objectionable wording or reject any advertisement. Although every advertisement is carefully checked [no it's not, what about the illegal money laundering thing?], occasionally mistakes do occur. We therefore ask advertisers to assist us by checking their advertisements carefully and advise us immediately should an error occur. We regret that we can not accept responsibility for more than ONE INCORRECT insertion and that no republication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. To ensure consistently high service levels, calls are randomly monitored by a sales manager.'
Hmm...
I have taken to watching the darts on the telly. It is great entertainment. I have a sneaking suspicion that the water in those bottles they are drinking is vodka. These people are used to playing darts in a pub, where you drink beer. They are not used to being on a stage in front of a thousand drunken people. It's all wrong. They should be able to have a pint and a fag. No wonder they all shake like a blancmange on a waltzer.
One of the darts players is a bloke called Woods. You can see how in the early school days, people would have called him woody, and then woody wood pecker. This bloke has taken it to the extreme. He has an arm length tattoo of PECKER, and has a peroxide Mohican. Really, is that necessary?
A great looky-likey: Darryl Fitton (the darts player) and Darren Clarke (the golfer).
This is the second page in a row that I have seen this message from the Guardian:
'It is a condition of acceptance of advertisement orders that the proprietors of the Guardian do not guarantee the insertion of a particular advertisement on a specified date, or at although every effort will be made to meet the wishes of advertisers; further they do not accept liability for any loss or damage caused by any error or inaccuracy in the printing or non appearance of any advertisement, and reserve the right to edit or delete any objectionable wording or reject any advertisement. Although every advertisement is carefully checked [no it's not, what about the illegal money laundering thing?], occasionally mistakes do occur. We therefore ask advertisers to assist us by checking their advertisements carefully and advise us immediately should an error occur. We regret that we can not accept responsibility for more than ONE INCORRECT insertion and that no republication will be granted in the case of typographical or minor changes which do not affect the value of the advertisement. To ensure consistently high service levels, calls are randomly monitored by a sales manager.'
Hmm...
I have taken to watching the darts on the telly. It is great entertainment. I have a sneaking suspicion that the water in those bottles they are drinking is vodka. These people are used to playing darts in a pub, where you drink beer. They are not used to being on a stage in front of a thousand drunken people. It's all wrong. They should be able to have a pint and a fag. No wonder they all shake like a blancmange on a waltzer.
One of the darts players is a bloke called Woods. You can see how in the early school days, people would have called him woody, and then woody wood pecker. This bloke has taken it to the extreme. He has an arm length tattoo of PECKER, and has a peroxide Mohican. Really, is that necessary?
A great looky-likey: Darryl Fitton (the darts player) and Darren Clarke (the golfer).
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Thursday 10th January 2008
No tough meetings today, it was a day of generally clearing up paperwork that had accumulated on my desk. However, last night's ruminations on Nigel Chopping got me thinking of a Lumberjack's XI. Barry had started it, could it be finished? After putting the idea to Simon, Tanya, Steve, Kaylee, and Laura, we think we have come up with a good XI players (with two subs). So here it is, the Lumberjacks XI (Or Barking FC 2):
No tough meetings today, it was a day of generally clearing up paperwork that had accumulated on my desk. However, last night's ruminations on Nigel Chopping got me thinking of a Lumberjack's XI. Barry had started it, could it be finished? After putting the idea to Simon, Tanya, Steve, Kaylee, and Laura, we think we have come up with a good XI players (with two subs). So here it is, the Lumberjacks XI (Or Barking FC 2):
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