Monday 4th February 2008
A fairly catastrophic thing has happened this evening.
I have lost the entire Guardian Work file on my computer.
Oh pants.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Sunday 3rd February 2008
As discussed yesterday, the six nations Rugby started. They have blatantly nicked my idea with the Four Nations Lorry Championship. I will have to be careful about putting more of my ideas on here.
The Mining Institute’s motto is Moneo et munio; Everyday is a school day. Yesterday I learnt about the fairly tasteless Sharon Fruit. Moneo et munio means I advise and defend, and is also the heraldic motto for the Elphinstone Family.
Their job was to be found on the Guardian Jobs website (The Mining Institute, not the Elphinstone Family). I did a quick search:
Found 11906 jobs
That would be ridiculous; I could be here for ever.
I could not find their job for Fundraising and Education staff.
Unicorn were looking for an Education Manager. APD Friday 5 October 2007:
‘For further information visit www.unicorntheatre .com or send an A4 sae (65p) to: Stage Door, Unicorn Theatre, 147 Tooley Street, London[.]’
So you have to apply to the stage door?
‘Dynamic couple requires experienced executive PA to manage their schedules and affairs, both business and private…www.tlastudio.co.uk’
Hmm.
Dear Christian
I stubbed my right toe on your advert in The Guardian dated 29/9/07.
I notice that you were looking for a Executive PA to manage the affairs of a dynamic couple. I currently jointly manage the affairs of my partner Nicky and I.
Nicky is more of the ideas person, and I tend to be the “do-er”. For example, yesterday we were in the supermarket, and Nicky realised that we needed a lemon to put in the piece of trout that I was going to have for dinner. She came up with the idea, but I was off straight away to retrieve it. (Incidentally, they had been moved from their usual place, and put on the end of an aisle with the pancake mix, as it is Pancake Day on Tuesday.)
I hope that I am the type of person that you are after. I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
END OF PAGE 28!!!!!!!!!
The final straight.
I watched the Norbert Dentressangle versus James Irlam rugby match this afternoon. I will admit that perhaps their game has more sponsorship potential than mine. You can write RBS as many times as you want on that great big pitch.
The Nobby national anthem is so much better than Stobby’s.
As discussed yesterday, the six nations Rugby started. They have blatantly nicked my idea with the Four Nations Lorry Championship. I will have to be careful about putting more of my ideas on here.
The Mining Institute’s motto is Moneo et munio; Everyday is a school day. Yesterday I learnt about the fairly tasteless Sharon Fruit. Moneo et munio means I advise and defend, and is also the heraldic motto for the Elphinstone Family.
Their job was to be found on the Guardian Jobs website (The Mining Institute, not the Elphinstone Family). I did a quick search:
Found 11906 jobs
That would be ridiculous; I could be here for ever.
I could not find their job for Fundraising and Education staff.
Unicorn were looking for an Education Manager. APD Friday 5 October 2007:
‘For further information visit www.unicorntheatre .com or send an A4 sae (65p) to: Stage Door, Unicorn Theatre, 147 Tooley Street, London[.]’
So you have to apply to the stage door?
‘Dynamic couple requires experienced executive PA to manage their schedules and affairs, both business and private…www.tlastudio.co.uk’
Hmm.
Dear Christian
I stubbed my right toe on your advert in The Guardian dated 29/9/07.
I notice that you were looking for a Executive PA to manage the affairs of a dynamic couple. I currently jointly manage the affairs of my partner Nicky and I.
Nicky is more of the ideas person, and I tend to be the “do-er”. For example, yesterday we were in the supermarket, and Nicky realised that we needed a lemon to put in the piece of trout that I was going to have for dinner. She came up with the idea, but I was off straight away to retrieve it. (Incidentally, they had been moved from their usual place, and put on the end of an aisle with the pancake mix, as it is Pancake Day on Tuesday.)
I hope that I am the type of person that you are after. I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
END OF PAGE 28!!!!!!!!!
The final straight.
I watched the Norbert Dentressangle versus James Irlam rugby match this afternoon. I will admit that perhaps their game has more sponsorship potential than mine. You can write RBS as many times as you want on that great big pitch.
The Nobby national anthem is so much better than Stobby’s.
Saturday 2nd February 2007
I ate something I had never eaten today for lunch.
Sharon fruit.
It tasted of, well pretty much nothing, a bit sweet, with the texture of an apple crossed with nectarine.
I did this because Nicky and I performed our usual Ceilidh in the Supermarket this afternoon. When we get back home and start unpacking I always discover things that I have never seen in the shop before, let alone would ever consider buying.
Recent Nicky acquisitions include:
100% organic Lemon Balm & Orange Blossom Conditioner.
Lemon, Rosemary and Walnut hand and nail cream.
Triare Flower & Patchouli Hand Wash.
Warm Vanilla & Neroli Hand Wash (Yes you have a choice of hand washes in our bath room).
Sharon Fruit.
My recent acquisitions:
Bread with the tiger skin pattern on it.
Cheese and onion crisps.
Beer (preferably Holsten Pils) Recently they have changed the flavour of this essential item. I have written to Carlsberg to complain, but have yet to have a response.
Frozen chips (the thin ones from waitrose).
A lemon.
I think that I may have already mentioned that I got the wireless network sorted at home. This means that I can sit in the dining room, while Nicky is upstairs doing work for, well work. I also realised that I could print stuff on the printer upstairs, right where Nicky is working. So we can still communicate.
I spent the afternoon watching the rugby and sending printed messages to Nicky upstairs.
It was no subterranean homesick blues, but it kept me amused.
I will plant some trees, I promise, and then I will walk over the discarded paper, whilst poets pass behind me.
I ate something I had never eaten today for lunch.
Sharon fruit.
It tasted of, well pretty much nothing, a bit sweet, with the texture of an apple crossed with nectarine.
I did this because Nicky and I performed our usual Ceilidh in the Supermarket this afternoon. When we get back home and start unpacking I always discover things that I have never seen in the shop before, let alone would ever consider buying.
Recent Nicky acquisitions include:
100% organic Lemon Balm & Orange Blossom Conditioner.
Lemon, Rosemary and Walnut hand and nail cream.
Triare Flower & Patchouli Hand Wash.
Warm Vanilla & Neroli Hand Wash (Yes you have a choice of hand washes in our bath room).
Sharon Fruit.
My recent acquisitions:
Bread with the tiger skin pattern on it.
Cheese and onion crisps.
Beer (preferably Holsten Pils) Recently they have changed the flavour of this essential item. I have written to Carlsberg to complain, but have yet to have a response.
Frozen chips (the thin ones from waitrose).
A lemon.
I think that I may have already mentioned that I got the wireless network sorted at home. This means that I can sit in the dining room, while Nicky is upstairs doing work for, well work. I also realised that I could print stuff on the printer upstairs, right where Nicky is working. So we can still communicate.
I spent the afternoon watching the rugby and sending printed messages to Nicky upstairs.
It was no subterranean homesick blues, but it kept me amused.
I will plant some trees, I promise, and then I will walk over the discarded paper, whilst poets pass behind me.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Friday 1st February 2008
Liebe Freundin, lieber Freund von Tarzan
Winteraktion: Unsere Preise machen die Talabfahrt!
50 % auf ausgewählte Tarzan-StoffeHalbe Preise, ganz grosse Auswahl: Unsere Artikel schenken wir Dir zur Hälfte:Hier kannst du Deine Tarzan-Aktionen aussuchen:
www.tarzan.ch/onlineshop/aktion.phpDiese eingefrorenen Winterpreise gelten 1 Woche und der Lagerbestand ist begrenzt.
Grenzenlos profitierenShirts für einen Event? Logo-Aufdrucke für alle Mitarbeiter? EM-Hoodies für deinen Verein? Tarzan Unlimited macht alles möglich. Bei uns kannst Du ab 20 Stück eigene T-Shirts, Polos und Jacken produzieren lassen. In Tarzan-Qualität zu sensationellen Bestpreisen: Hundert Stück erhältst Du bereits ab CHF 14.90. Wir machen aus Deiner Idee ein gemeinsames Produkt. Der erste Schritt zu einer Offerte oder Beratung: annina@tarzan.ch oder 061 361 61 62
Bis bald
Team Tarzan
Ps: Musterverkauf im Tarzan Store in Basel:Im Februar findest Du im Tarzan Store in Basel Einzelstücke und Prototypen von nie produzierten Styles aus unserer brodelnden Designküche.
I hope that makes sense to you.
I should never have bought those socks from Rita.
I could have shaped the Healthcare of the good people of the East Midlands, but alas, I had to apply by 31/10/07.
Campden Publishing wanted a "supersub". Apparently media speak for a subeditor. Closing date 12th October 2007.
Courtyard in Herefordshire were looking for a Programmer, but sadly they are a charity.
The Guardian themselves wanted a PA to the HR director. APD 6/10/07.
Youth Worker for the Jennifer Trust: Charity.
Tricycle were looking for an Artist in Residence, apply by date 29/10/07.
Blackpig were lookig for Account Directors, creative designers and Artworkers. APD 15/10/07.
Page 28 is rubbish. All of the adverts have passed their apply by dates, or they are charities. Surely there must be some advert without an apply by date here?
Redress: Charity Development Director.
I am quickly, too quickly, reaching the end of this challenge. I know I have likened it to Christine Ohurugu, but it really is. I feel like a runner turning the final bend; methodically plodding towards an inevitable goal.
Gather rosebuds and certainly seize the day.
Liebe Freundin, lieber Freund von Tarzan
Winteraktion: Unsere Preise machen die Talabfahrt!
50 % auf ausgewählte Tarzan-StoffeHalbe Preise, ganz grosse Auswahl: Unsere Artikel schenken wir Dir zur Hälfte:Hier kannst du Deine Tarzan-Aktionen aussuchen:
www.tarzan.ch/onlineshop/aktion.phpDiese eingefrorenen Winterpreise gelten 1 Woche und der Lagerbestand ist begrenzt.
Grenzenlos profitierenShirts für einen Event? Logo-Aufdrucke für alle Mitarbeiter? EM-Hoodies für deinen Verein? Tarzan Unlimited macht alles möglich. Bei uns kannst Du ab 20 Stück eigene T-Shirts, Polos und Jacken produzieren lassen. In Tarzan-Qualität zu sensationellen Bestpreisen: Hundert Stück erhältst Du bereits ab CHF 14.90. Wir machen aus Deiner Idee ein gemeinsames Produkt. Der erste Schritt zu einer Offerte oder Beratung: annina@tarzan.ch oder 061 361 61 62
Bis bald
Team Tarzan
Ps: Musterverkauf im Tarzan Store in Basel:Im Februar findest Du im Tarzan Store in Basel Einzelstücke und Prototypen von nie produzierten Styles aus unserer brodelnden Designküche.
I hope that makes sense to you.
I should never have bought those socks from Rita.
I could have shaped the Healthcare of the good people of the East Midlands, but alas, I had to apply by 31/10/07.
Campden Publishing wanted a "supersub". Apparently media speak for a subeditor. Closing date 12th October 2007.
Courtyard in Herefordshire were looking for a Programmer, but sadly they are a charity.
The Guardian themselves wanted a PA to the HR director. APD 6/10/07.
Youth Worker for the Jennifer Trust: Charity.
Tricycle were looking for an Artist in Residence, apply by date 29/10/07.
Blackpig were lookig for Account Directors, creative designers and Artworkers. APD 15/10/07.
Page 28 is rubbish. All of the adverts have passed their apply by dates, or they are charities. Surely there must be some advert without an apply by date here?
Redress: Charity Development Director.
I am quickly, too quickly, reaching the end of this challenge. I know I have likened it to Christine Ohurugu, but it really is. I feel like a runner turning the final bend; methodically plodding towards an inevitable goal.
Gather rosebuds and certainly seize the day.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thursday 31st January 2008
I’ve only just received this email and needless to say the position has been filled.
They didn't even bother to sign off. I didn't really want to work for GEpublishing anyway.
The Children's Workforce Development Council know how acronyms should work:
CWDC.
Take that, Manchester University.
Sadly a charity.
Harrow Council were looking for a Referral and Assessment Service Manager, APD 17/10/07.
'Children's Services is undergoing a quiet revolution! We have an exciting vision for the future that will provide fully integrated services that emphasise partnership and participation. Our recent JAR inspection in November 2006 rated Children's services as good overall.'
Dear Madam/Sir
I noticed your advert for the Referral and Assessment Service Manager in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Obviously, the apply by date has long passed.
I would, however, like to congratulate you on your recent JAR inspection. I have recently been given a nice jar of onions by an old friend called Phyllis. I auctioned them for charity on e-bay, and they were bought for a rather impressive £5.07 by Barrynormal.
If you would like to know more about my JAR, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
I’ve only just received this email and needless to say the position has been filled.
They didn't even bother to sign off. I didn't really want to work for GEpublishing anyway.
The Children's Workforce Development Council know how acronyms should work:
CWDC.
Take that, Manchester University.
Sadly a charity.
Harrow Council were looking for a Referral and Assessment Service Manager, APD 17/10/07.
'Children's Services is undergoing a quiet revolution! We have an exciting vision for the future that will provide fully integrated services that emphasise partnership and participation. Our recent JAR inspection in November 2006 rated Children's services as good overall.'
Dear Madam/Sir
I noticed your advert for the Referral and Assessment Service Manager in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Obviously, the apply by date has long passed.
I would, however, like to congratulate you on your recent JAR inspection. I have recently been given a nice jar of onions by an old friend called Phyllis. I auctioned them for charity on e-bay, and they were bought for a rather impressive £5.07 by Barrynormal.
If you would like to know more about my JAR, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Wednesday 30th January 2008
‘On the 22nd March 1951 The Maersk Company Limited was incorporated, in part to enable a representation in the United Kingdom by A.P. Møller, a Danish shipowner. Mr A.P Moller was one of the first Directors to sit on the board of TheMaersk Company Limited.’
‘James Irlam, the Grandfather of David, Michael and Stewart started his one man business back in the 1940’s when he was a market gardener based in Ringway. But when the building of Manchester Airport began, his land stood in the way of runway development and he was forced to relocate to the Chelford area. From here, James transported milk churns to the Manchester dairies and returned with corn supplies for local farms – so no empty running even then!’
Oh pants, I thought they were from Scotland.
I had an idea, whilst playing Nobby v Stobby on the way to Feltham today. We could have a four nation’s competition between France (Norbert Dentressangle), England (Eddie Stobbard), Denmark (Maersk), and (as I thought) Scotland (James Irlam). But James Irlam are from Manchester.
The quite worrying thing is that I found the James Irlam Picture on Lorryspotting.com. Yes it really does exist.
I thought the paranormal thing was weird, but this could take me into all sorts of list based, Saturday mornings at train stations.
Me: E555667, Nathan?
Nathan: Yes, I have got that one. I saw it in Grantham Train Station.
It really won’t. It is just a thing to keep me amused on boring motorway journeys.
The African Cup of Nations (Or is it The Nations Cup of Africa) is just about to end, so we need a new tournament. I think the Lorry Four Nations could fill the void. Well, except that it is technically three nations, but poetic license lets James Irlam represent Scotland rather than Manchester.
All teams are to play each other twice, home and away. The away leg will be played on the way to somewhere; the home matches will be played, well on the way home.
The first games were played today, to and from Feltham.
Nobby was at home, and took an early lead at junction 29 of the M25. I have to agree with sports reporter Steve, it is like eating a doughnut without licking your fingers.
England came back with an early hat-trick, thanks to an assist by one of those double lorry things.
1-3.
Then Nobby had a fantastic turn of form. By Junction 26 it was 6-3, thanks to some great finishing by one of their substitutes (Known as 'The Tanker').
6-4, then 7-4, then England pulled one back at Junction 24, 7-5.
8-5,8-6,8-7, come on we are at junction 21a now, surely momentum is with England!!!
The Nobby showed the typical French class. Arsene Wenger claims not to have seen it, but Nobby won 10-8.
The Home leg:
Myself and Arsene saw no action until St Albans when Stobby took the lead. It was then pretty slow going, each side testing each other out all the way to junction 24, where it was 4-3.
No action until Junction 28, where we had a flurry of goals.
5-3
5-4
6-4
7-4
8-4
8-5
This is because I was sat still in traffic for an hour.
Anyway, bad light stopped play, and France have taken an early lead in the Championship.
Current standings:
Team P W L D F A GD Pts
France 2 2 0 0 18 13 5 6
Denmark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Scotland 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
England 2 0 2 0 13 1 8 -5 0
‘On the 22nd March 1951 The Maersk Company Limited was incorporated, in part to enable a representation in the United Kingdom by A.P. Møller, a Danish shipowner. Mr A.P Moller was one of the first Directors to sit on the board of TheMaersk Company Limited.’
‘James Irlam, the Grandfather of David, Michael and Stewart started his one man business back in the 1940’s when he was a market gardener based in Ringway. But when the building of Manchester Airport began, his land stood in the way of runway development and he was forced to relocate to the Chelford area. From here, James transported milk churns to the Manchester dairies and returned with corn supplies for local farms – so no empty running even then!’
Oh pants, I thought they were from Scotland.
I had an idea, whilst playing Nobby v Stobby on the way to Feltham today. We could have a four nation’s competition between France (Norbert Dentressangle), England (Eddie Stobbard), Denmark (Maersk), and (as I thought) Scotland (James Irlam). But James Irlam are from Manchester.
The quite worrying thing is that I found the James Irlam Picture on Lorryspotting.com. Yes it really does exist.
I thought the paranormal thing was weird, but this could take me into all sorts of list based, Saturday mornings at train stations.
Me: E555667, Nathan?
Nathan: Yes, I have got that one. I saw it in Grantham Train Station.
It really won’t. It is just a thing to keep me amused on boring motorway journeys.
The African Cup of Nations (Or is it The Nations Cup of Africa) is just about to end, so we need a new tournament. I think the Lorry Four Nations could fill the void. Well, except that it is technically three nations, but poetic license lets James Irlam represent Scotland rather than Manchester.
All teams are to play each other twice, home and away. The away leg will be played on the way to somewhere; the home matches will be played, well on the way home.
The first games were played today, to and from Feltham.
Nobby was at home, and took an early lead at junction 29 of the M25. I have to agree with sports reporter Steve, it is like eating a doughnut without licking your fingers.
England came back with an early hat-trick, thanks to an assist by one of those double lorry things.
1-3.
Then Nobby had a fantastic turn of form. By Junction 26 it was 6-3, thanks to some great finishing by one of their substitutes (Known as 'The Tanker').
6-4, then 7-4, then England pulled one back at Junction 24, 7-5.
8-5,8-6,8-7, come on we are at junction 21a now, surely momentum is with England!!!
The Nobby showed the typical French class. Arsene Wenger claims not to have seen it, but Nobby won 10-8.
The Home leg:
Myself and Arsene saw no action until St Albans when Stobby took the lead. It was then pretty slow going, each side testing each other out all the way to junction 24, where it was 4-3.
No action until Junction 28, where we had a flurry of goals.
5-3
5-4
6-4
7-4
8-4
8-5
This is because I was sat still in traffic for an hour.
Anyway, bad light stopped play, and France have taken an early lead in the Championship.
Current standings:
Team P W L D F A GD Pts
France 2 2 0 0 18 13 5 6
Denmark 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Scotland 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
England 2 0 2 0 13 1 8 -5 0
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