Guardianwork

Thursday 18th October 2007

Applications: 46 Rejections: 1 Replies: 13 (12 if you count human) + Bonus Job! Withdrawn applications: 1

Dear Ian,

BES Policy Officer Vacancy

Thank you for taking the time to apply for the Policy Officer position at the British Ecological Society. The BES received a large number of applications for this position from qualified individuals.

The selection panel has decided not to short list you for an interview on this occasion, as there were candidates who better met our key requirements.

The decision was arrived at by assessing how the candidates met the advertised job specifications.

I wish you the best of luck in your career development.

Kindest regards

Hannah
Clerical Officer, British Ecological Society

I applied for this position on the 11th October, and I was slightly late in applying. If you remember (If you can't, check on the blog), the vacancy had closed at noon and I applied late in the evening. I think that they had appointed someone that afternoon. Hannah also sends her kindest regards, so she seems like a friendly person.

Dear Hannah

Thank you for your e-mail. I am obviously disappointed. Not as disappointed as I was when I found out that the Elgin Marbles were not actually marbles like the ones you played with at school!

Could you just tell me, was it because I missed the deadline of noon? Did you make your decision that afternoon?

Thank you for your best wishes in my future career development. I am currently applying for quite a number of jobs, and I am sure one will lead somewhere interesting.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

I also received this from my Arch Nemesis, the NHS:

Dear Ian

Thank you for your interest in this post.

All applicants must complete our standard application form, either online or by submitting a paper copy. We cannot accept CVs.

I have tried to call you at home but there is no answer and I could not see a mobile number on your CV or email. Please contact me if you receive my email this morning and we can arrange for your to complete our standard application form. However, I am afraid this post closed at midnight last night and we must get the final applications on our system this morning. I therefore could not accept an application from you after midday today.

Kind regards,

Sarah Barnett
Project Co-ordinator

Blimey, how hard is it to get a job at the NHS?!? Firstly, they have more typos that The Guardian itself. In my first application to them, they spelt application, appliction, and now:

'and we can arrange for your to complete our standard application form'!

Who is your? Is this someone that works in their offices transcribing application forms? Imagine a conversation in the NHS office:

Sarah Barnett: Hello, your, we have someone here that has sent a CV, but does not want to fill in an application form on line. Can you fill the form out for him?

your: Yes, no problem at all.

Well maybe not.




Dear Sarah

Thank you for your e-mail.

Sadly, it looks as if I have missed the boat on this occasion.

Thank you for trying to call me today and you are right, I was not at home, as I was working in my office in Basildon.

As you will recall from my original e-mail, I do not trust the online application process; I was rejected within five minutes on a Sunday morning!

I hope that today was not too manic for you, what with having to get all those applications on by noon. You can get that repetitive strain injury from too much typing you know!

Anyway, it was nice to hear from you, and should you not find a suitable candidate, would you please e-mail me and perhaps I could fill in an application form.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

Administration over, here are the next jobs.

'Do you want an international career?'

Erm, not really. Unless, of course Patrick Meiier, the Swiss Banker, who wanted to meet whisky, wants to go for a beer next weekend.

'If you would like the challenge of working for a vibrant international company, then polish your CV and apply directly to job.london@meltwaternews.com.'

Ok, here goes:

Dear Madam/Sir

I saw your advertisement for the above position advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

You have requested that I polish my CV, and why not? We are all one Europe now!

Unfortunately, my computer skills are not such that I could fit a flag of Poland on my CV. I have therefore attached a picture of the Polish flag in my e-mail. I hope that this counts.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter