Guardianwork

Thursday 8th November 2007

Applications: 60 Rejections: 4 Replies: 19 (18 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1


GREETINGS!

From Mrs Maria Elena Fernandez,

I am the above named person from Philippine. I am married to Mr. Rodolfo FERNANDEZ who worked with Philippine embassy in Kuwait for nine years before we left to Philippine where he was re-appointed as a navy officer before his untimely death in the year 2005.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died in his home country Philippine after a brief illness that lasted for only four days Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $7.3Musd (Seven Million Three Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars) in cash concealed in a trunk box and deposits it with a Security Company in Abidjan Cote d ivoire (West Africa) which he declare and register it as family valuables.

Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is the high blood pressure sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church or individual that will use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavour that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I do not want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. This is why I am taking this decision to contact you.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication for security purpose until this mission is accomplished.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply with full assurance of your assistance, I shall give you the legal proof of this matter and contact of the security company in Abidjan where he deposited the trunk box. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present and legal beneficiary of this trunk box (fund). I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in Spirit and Truth.

Hope to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Maria Elena Fernandez

Hmm...

It looks like the good people from the complementry [their spelling] art gallery have not wasted time in sharing my personal details.

Dear Joanna

I read with delight your advertisement for a subscriptions manager in The Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I apologise in the lateness of my reply.

You say in your advert that languages are useful, but not essential. As you can see from my attached CV, I can speak several languages. I would like to consider myself a polyglot!

However, what I find most interesting, is working with my own language. For instance, in work the other day, someone bought some strawberry iced fingers. Inside the strawberry fingers was a layer of strawberry jam. I was concerned that this might be a bit too much strawberry for one snack. I therefore asked the question if this was a little too strawberry-y (like sugary or salty). Try it, it is a great word.

Strawberry-y!

Should you have any queries about my CV, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

End of page 11!

Page twelve looks great. Only eight jobs on this page.

COI? What does that stand for?


Am I going to be working for some Japanese fish?

It does not say what it stands for, but they wanted a live event co-ordinator, and an event assistant; apply-by date 8/10/07.

Interviews for Haringey Council will be held 'towards the end of October'. Well you can never plan these things at a local council. I mean, how much time does it take to order the correct biscuits for the Annual General Meeting?

This reminds me, I have still not followed the Liberal Democrats leadership process through. I will do this once I have applied for all of these jobs.

'Jolly Learning has leadership internationally in synthetic phonics publishing. Indeed, in several countries, the majority of countries teach reading with our programme (including the UK).'

http://www.syntheticphonics.com/

Have a look, it is interesting.

Anyway, they want me to write to them. I need more stationery.