Guardianwork

Saturday 8th December 2007

Applications: 96 Rejections: 5 Replies: 31 (30 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 3! Withdrawn applications: 1


Christmas cards intrigue me every year. If you are writing to a friends who are a couple, who do you put first?

My theory is that it depends on who you knew first.

For example, from my aunties, it is always

Dear Ian and Nicky.

Whereas from Liz and Les it is:

Dear Nicola and Ian.

To Liz and Les.

It would just be wrong if I put; To Les and Liz. It doesn't sound right. Nicky knew Liz first, and then we met Les, so it has to be; To Liz and Les.

By the same token, when I am writing to my friend Garrett, I would put; Dear Garrett and Lindsey. Dear Lindsey and Garrett is not right.

Dear Mum and Dad?

Dear Alison, Danny, Ryan and Joseph.

Alison, my sister, I knew first, then Danny, then Ryan was born, and then Joseph. Would it be right if you put Dear Joseph, Danny, Ryan and Alison?

If you take two random names, for instance, Stewart and Lisa, people who you don't know. Dear Lisa and Stewart or Dear Stewart and Lisa both work.

Anyway, just a thought.

Thank you for your application. The closing date for many advertised positions has now passed.

However, if you have applied for Segment Editor or Assistant Segment Editor positions we are still accepting applications.

Unfortunately, due to the volume of applications if you have not heard from us within 4 weeks please assume you have been unsuccessful.

ITN Human Resources

Well I did apply a good two months late.

Phew, the Arch Nemesis were looking for a Senior Media Officer, but you had to apply by the 12th Ocrober.

The Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health are a charity. Be honest, did you know that paediatric had an 'a' in it? 'Responsibilities will include assisting the daily media and parliamentary monitoring service.' Do you have to stand there looking at the House of Parliament?

The Parkinson's Disease Society were looking for Fundraisers and Marketing people.

The Penine Acute Hospitals are looking for Communications Officers (Arch Nemesis again) Band 6.

I wonder whether all the angles on the building are less than 90 degrees? (How do you make that degree symbol on a computer? You know, the little o thingy?)

Audley Travel are back again. I applied to their job on 1st December. Would you believe that they have advertised the same job twice?

Dear Madam/Sir

I noticed that you advertised the above position on page 18 and page 20 of the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

Did you mean to do this, or did the Guardian put it in twice by mistake (You know what they are like!)?

Please find attached my original application, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter


The Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust have used Hilda Ogden's Wall in their advert. Fantastic! Shame they are a charity, because it would have been handy for my mum and dad's shop (See above).

Marcus Evans are also back again:

'Ideal candidates will have experience from an agency background, and SPSS/quanvert experience would be beneficial amongst quant researchers.'

Dear Martin

I read with some bewilderment your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I say bewilderment, because I have recently applied for another job in your organisation. The person dealing with my other application is Dagmar Greckova. Do you both work in the same office?

I would like to apply for your positions. Admittedly, I do not know what you mean when you say quanvert experience, but I am willing to learn.

Please find attached my CV for your perusal. If you have any further queries, please either speak to Mr Greckova, or contact me directly.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

http://www.glyndebourne.com/documents/articles/448/Marketing%20Assistant%20-%20Web%20Site.doc

Glyndebourne have obviously recruited their marketing manager; have a look at their website. The Job description for the New Marketing Assistant is brilliant!

Classic American Car Magazine were looking for a Manchester based person to be Deputy Editor. It is a shame that the apply by date was 18 October 2007, because I would have had to apply to a Ben Klemenzson.

OK, top five ridiculous names list (revision number 2)

1. David Younghusband
2. Marike Dippenaar
3. Ben Klemenzson
4. Sir Menzies Campbell (phonetically Ming)
5. Orkan Ahmadov

Sorry Dagmar, you had to go.