Dear Michael (Or should it be Michelle?)
Thank you for your e-mail, which gave me great encouragement.
I hope that the gender change operation passed off with no hiccups.
I regret to inform you that I can not take this application further. I would have loved to have punched some holes, in an assistant capacity. However, I am holophobic. That space in the middle that was once substance. It makes me feel a bit on edge.
However, I thank you for your response, and at least I know the going rate for holepunching.
That is; once I get over the phobia.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Wednesday 23rd January 2008
Lot's of e-mail traffic today:
Dear Ian
Thank you for your e-mail enquiring about the Office Manager position at Arrow Therapeutics. We have now filled this vacancy and unfortuanately, we do not have any other administrative positions available at present.
Thank you for your interest in Arrow and I wish you good luck in your search for a suitable position.
Kind regards
Head of Personnel
Arrow Therapeutics
And:
Dear Ian
MIMAS stands for Manchester Information & Associated Services and is based at University of Manchester.
For further info please see their website here: http://www.mimas.ac.uk/
Best regards
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
And:
Southend to Brentford and back
22 Jan 08
On the A127 it occured to me that the Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game is dangerous. Particularly as it encourages driving without due care and attention.
I decided not to play.
I then discovered it is now physically impossible not to play. Try it. Its like eating a sugar donut without licking your lips. Impossible.
Things looked promising with Stobby maintaining the lead until I reach Nobbyland betwix A10 and A12 on the return when the score went from an amazing 10-10 to a soul destroying 15-10 to Nobby.
Luckily I didn't get arrested or killed.
From Steve.
Creative support wanted a practice learning coordinator: APD 22/10/07.
The Arch Nemesis were looking for someone to work in HM YOI Aylesbury. APD 22/10/07. Hmm the same as the last job.
Editor:Euromoney handbooks. It had disappeared from guardianjobs.co.uk.
Dear Adam
Thank you for your reply.
I’m still a bit unsure as to why it is MIMAS and not just MIAS. Where do you get the extra M from? If you take the & symbol as an A, it should be MIAAS.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
PS My Dad went to Manchester University
Tomorrow, I have to have an interview for my own job. This should be a bit weird.
Lot's of e-mail traffic today:
Dear Ian
Thank you for your e-mail enquiring about the Office Manager position at Arrow Therapeutics. We have now filled this vacancy and unfortuanately, we do not have any other administrative positions available at present.
Thank you for your interest in Arrow and I wish you good luck in your search for a suitable position.
Kind regards
Head of Personnel
Arrow Therapeutics
And:
Dear Ian
MIMAS stands for Manchester Information & Associated Services and is based at University of Manchester.
For further info please see their website here: http://www.mimas.ac.uk/
Best regards
Central HR Admin Assistant
P
Help the planet to chill out - don't print this unless strictly necessary
And:
Southend to Brentford and back
22 Jan 08
On the A127 it occured to me that the Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game is dangerous. Particularly as it encourages driving without due care and attention.
I decided not to play.
I then discovered it is now physically impossible not to play. Try it. Its like eating a sugar donut without licking your lips. Impossible.
Things looked promising with Stobby maintaining the lead until I reach Nobbyland betwix A10 and A12 on the return when the score went from an amazing 10-10 to a soul destroying 15-10 to Nobby.
Luckily I didn't get arrested or killed.
From Steve.
Creative support wanted a practice learning coordinator: APD 22/10/07.
The Arch Nemesis were looking for someone to work in HM YOI Aylesbury. APD 22/10/07. Hmm the same as the last job.
Editor:Euromoney handbooks. It had disappeared from guardianjobs.co.uk.
Dear Adam
Thank you for your reply.
I’m still a bit unsure as to why it is MIMAS and not just MIAS. Where do you get the extra M from? If you take the & symbol as an A, it should be MIAAS.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
PS My Dad went to Manchester University
Tomorrow, I have to have an interview for my own job. This should be a bit weird.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Tuesday 22nd January 2008
The University of Manchester wanted a MIMAS development officer (Geodata Services Software enigeer).
Thanks for the clarification.
Dear Madam/Sir
I came across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that the apply-by date has long passed, but I had a few questions regarding your advert.
Firstly, I would like to congratulate your University Challenge team for beating Trinity College Cambridge yesterday on BBC 2.
Secondly, I would be grateful if you could clarify what MIMAS stands for.
I look forward to your earliest response.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Nosweat Journalism is a course of study, and not a job.
The Royal Liverpool Philharmonic were looking for a Development Assistant. Closing date for applications 15/10/07.
The B2B and Consumer Interviewers advert looks a bit suspect, I will call them later, when I call Harriett from Foxtons.
END OF PAGE 26!!!!!!
The Alpha Plus Group were looking for a Principal for the Davies, Laing, and Dick College, London. If this had not been an employment agency, I would have had to contact Nicola Fagg, shame really.
I have been following the progress of the American elections. Now, I can't wait until super-duper Tuesday.
Really, you could not make it up.
Super-duper Tuesday? It sounds like a primary school event, where little Johnny is allowed to bring in Ker-Plunk for the day. This is fairly important stuff, as the American people get to decide who, effectively, becomes the most powerful person in the World.
I feel a bit excited that I might be able to bring in fairy cakes and wear Mufti for the day.
Super-Duper Tuesday, honestly.
Could you imagine this happening in a British Election? The most glitz and glamour you get is when Mavis and Bill, who check your little white card off their list of names at the local primary school, give you a brand new pencil.
Generally it is a Thursday when we vote here. So let's start thinking about new names for our next General Election.
Thunder Thursday?
Super trouper Thursday? Where ABBA set the whole day off with a rendition of their famous song?
I wish I hadn't said that. I look forward to a night of falling off Canary Wharf with Sou-ouper Trou-ouper ringing in my ears.
Those lights are going to find me.
The University of Manchester wanted a MIMAS development officer (Geodata Services Software enigeer).
Thanks for the clarification.
Dear Madam/Sir
I came across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that the apply-by date has long passed, but I had a few questions regarding your advert.
Firstly, I would like to congratulate your University Challenge team for beating Trinity College Cambridge yesterday on BBC 2.
Secondly, I would be grateful if you could clarify what MIMAS stands for.
I look forward to your earliest response.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Nosweat Journalism is a course of study, and not a job.
The Royal Liverpool Philharmonic were looking for a Development Assistant. Closing date for applications 15/10/07.
The B2B and Consumer Interviewers advert looks a bit suspect, I will call them later, when I call Harriett from Foxtons.
END OF PAGE 26!!!!!!
The Alpha Plus Group were looking for a Principal for the Davies, Laing, and Dick College, London. If this had not been an employment agency, I would have had to contact Nicola Fagg, shame really.
I have been following the progress of the American elections. Now, I can't wait until super-duper Tuesday.
Really, you could not make it up.
Super-duper Tuesday? It sounds like a primary school event, where little Johnny is allowed to bring in Ker-Plunk for the day. This is fairly important stuff, as the American people get to decide who, effectively, becomes the most powerful person in the World.
I feel a bit excited that I might be able to bring in fairy cakes and wear Mufti for the day.
Super-Duper Tuesday, honestly.
Could you imagine this happening in a British Election? The most glitz and glamour you get is when Mavis and Bill, who check your little white card off their list of names at the local primary school, give you a brand new pencil.
Generally it is a Thursday when we vote here. So let's start thinking about new names for our next General Election.
Thunder Thursday?
Super trouper Thursday? Where ABBA set the whole day off with a rendition of their famous song?
I wish I hadn't said that. I look forward to a night of falling off Canary Wharf with Sou-ouper Trou-ouper ringing in my ears.
Those lights are going to find me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Monday 21st January 2008
Just to clarify, I did not use Lindsey's toothbrush, thinking that it was mine.
Just making it clear.
So, page 26 starts with the University of Hertfordshire. Business Analyst (Systems and Planning), and a Business Information Officer. APD 15/10/07.
Gordonyates; Agency.
Not a good start.
Development Manager for The Charleston Trust (Charity). However I did not know that:
'Charleston, set in the beautiful Sussex Countryside, is the former home of the Bloomsbury Artists Duncan Grant and Vanessa Bell. Owned band run by the Charleston Trust it is one of Britain's most successful small museums.'
Every day is a school day.
Walsall Council wanted YOS Practictioners (3 posts):
'Opportunities exist within the successful Youth Offending Services as it consolidates and progresses into a further period of development in the implementation of the Crime and Disorder Act 1998.'
1998?
That is ten years ago. I reckon they need to practice YOS a bit more often.
Westmister Children's Society, wanted people in Dagenham. It is a shame that it is a charity.
At last a job I can apply for...
Arrow Therapeutics wants an Office Manager.
Dear Madam/sir
I noticed your advert in The Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that I am nearly four months late, but I would like to apply for your Office Manager position.
I tried to connect to your web site this evening, but it was unavailable, therefore I have little to go on.
Please find attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
And then...
Dear Peter
I was inspired by your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I noticed that your travel writing workshops were held on the 13th October and the 10th November 2007. Do you intend to repeat the workshops this year?
I look forward to your earliest response.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
University of Central Lancashire; UCLAN Makes you think:
'Senior Data Management Oficer
£25,134-£29,139, Market rate supplement to maximum £30,913 (reviewed annually)
1 year limited contract'
Really, where did they pull these numbers from? Let's enter a random set of numbers into the job advert. It could have been:
£54,321
or
£43,521
or
£12,345.
What gets me is that it is a one year limited contract (i.e. over in a year), and your salary is reviewed annually.
Closing date 12/10/07.
We have our interviews on Thursday. These are the interviews that determine whether we get to keep our jobs. The beauty in this is that I have been having the weirdest anxiety dreams in the world, and I look forward to more this evening.
I have fallen from the top of Canary Wharf twice over the last week.
I dreamt that all my work colleagues were stuck in the meeting room, talking rubbish for two hours, before pointing at me to take the blame for someone's boiler leaking on the feet of their recently purchased siamese cat.
I have been back on the banks of the Thames in London on the Millenium, more than once in the last week. My friend from uni, big Jim, trying to hold back the crowd as they surged towards the river. The river was set alight with fireworks, with Jim shouting:
"There is nothing to see here."
The point is people are people.
The corporation does not appreciate the affect it has on everyone.
Just to clarify, I did not use Lindsey's toothbrush, thinking that it was mine.
Just making it clear.
So, page 26 starts with the University of Hertfordshire. Business Analyst (Systems and Planning), and a Business Information Officer. APD 15/10/07.
Gordonyates; Agency.
Not a good start.
Development Manager for The Charleston Trust (Charity). However I did not know that:
'Charleston, set in the beautiful Sussex Countryside, is the former home of the Bloomsbury Artists Duncan Grant and Vanessa Bell. Owned band run by the Charleston Trust it is one of Britain's most successful small museums.'
Every day is a school day.
Walsall Council wanted YOS Practictioners (3 posts):
'Opportunities exist within the successful Youth Offending Services as it consolidates and progresses into a further period of development in the implementation of the Crime and Disorder Act 1998.'
1998?
That is ten years ago. I reckon they need to practice YOS a bit more often.
Westmister Children's Society, wanted people in Dagenham. It is a shame that it is a charity.
At last a job I can apply for...
Arrow Therapeutics wants an Office Manager.
Dear Madam/sir
I noticed your advert in The Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I appreciate that I am nearly four months late, but I would like to apply for your Office Manager position.
I tried to connect to your web site this evening, but it was unavailable, therefore I have little to go on.
Please find attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
And then...
Dear Peter
I was inspired by your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I noticed that your travel writing workshops were held on the 13th October and the 10th November 2007. Do you intend to repeat the workshops this year?
I look forward to your earliest response.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
University of Central Lancashire; UCLAN Makes you think:
'Senior Data Management Oficer
£25,134-£29,139, Market rate supplement to maximum £30,913 (reviewed annually)
1 year limited contract'
Really, where did they pull these numbers from? Let's enter a random set of numbers into the job advert. It could have been:
£54,321
or
£43,521
or
£12,345.
What gets me is that it is a one year limited contract (i.e. over in a year), and your salary is reviewed annually.
Closing date 12/10/07.
We have our interviews on Thursday. These are the interviews that determine whether we get to keep our jobs. The beauty in this is that I have been having the weirdest anxiety dreams in the world, and I look forward to more this evening.
I have fallen from the top of Canary Wharf twice over the last week.
I dreamt that all my work colleagues were stuck in the meeting room, talking rubbish for two hours, before pointing at me to take the blame for someone's boiler leaking on the feet of their recently purchased siamese cat.
I have been back on the banks of the Thames in London on the Millenium, more than once in the last week. My friend from uni, big Jim, trying to hold back the crowd as they surged towards the river. The river was set alight with fireworks, with Jim shouting:
"There is nothing to see here."
The point is people are people.
The corporation does not appreciate the affect it has on everyone.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday 20th January 2008
Yesterday, we went to visit a friend of mine from university (The first time around), Garrett, his wife Lindsey and their daughter. The more observant will have noticed that I forgot to send Garrett a birthday card last year.
Garrett and I met for the first time at Bath University. I pitched up, with my Mum and Dad in tow on my first day. We all faffed around for a while, before my parents and entourage left me on my own, for the first time.
It was very daunting.
Stuck in a breeze block room, that was so small, it was a lucky thing that I didn't have a cat that liked to be swung.
Bambi-like, I timidly ventured out into the corridor. The first place I headed to was the communal toilets.
As you do.
Garrett was in the toilets/washroom, shaving. This area was shared between 26 student flats. You can imagine the state that this area found itself in after a few weeks. So Garrett was the first person I met in my new adult life.
Garrett; "Alright? My name is Garrett." (Extending his hand)
Me: "Yes I'm ok, my name is Ian." (Shaking Garrett's hand, yes I am a proper adult now.)
Garrett: "Do you want a beer?"
Me: "Well ok then."
It was a bit more convoluted than that, but essentially Garrett and I were destined to be friends for a long time; that was 17 years ago.
Garrett is the type of friend that I was quite happy to take home to my parents' house. The first time he went to the shop in the Forest of Dean, he brought flowers for my Mum. It was the first time in my life that I had seen this politeness, especially from a student.
Ever since then Garrett has played an incredibly important part in my life. He is the reason I am with Nicky today. Most people at Bath University actually managed to graduate, sadly I did not quite manage to. I left mid way through everyone's third year. As a consequence, I moved back home to Gloucester and I used to meet up with my graduated friends in London (That's where they all were) on the weekends.
One weekend, I was staying at Garrett's flat in Clapham, and we went to the Wessex Rooms night club. This is where I met Nicky. We have been together ever since.
So thank you Garrett, you have been one of the most important people in my life.
Erm...sorry I forgot your birthday card.
The fabulous thing about Garrett and Lindsey is that we haven't seen them for 2 and a half years, and yet when we walked in their house, it was as if we had seen them only this morning. The rugby was on the telly, and we all just sat down and didn't really say anything. We didn't need to. It was a kind of home from home. A friend of theirs came in to watch the rugby, called Damien. I introduced myself, having never seen this bloke in my life before, and he said:
"Oh hello Ian, I met you in Bath, you used to drive a white Astra."
That was seventeen years ago!!!
What a memory.
We had a great evening of general reminiscing and merriment. It is odd to think how grown up we all are. Garrett and Lindsey, Mum and Dad? Dad and Mum, see above. They make bloody good parents.
We learnt last night that Lindsey's Mum has been married three times. Guess what? All three men that she has been married to are called Peter. All three of them! How brilliant is that? I can kind of see how it might happen once.
But, for this to happen twice? Fantastic.
When I was at university (the first time) people used to call me Bob. This is because I bore a vague resemblance to Bob Mortimer. However, Garrett always called me E, and I always called Garrett G. Looking back now, it seems that Garrett always knew that Bob was an alter ego, not the real me. He also must have realised that we would still be in contact long after the madness of student life.
We woke up this morning and descended the stairs. It took a while to work out how to unlock the child gate thing, but it was all good. Once we had had coffee, and generally played with makka paka (a small teddy bear), and Florence the floppy bunny, we went upstairs to do our ablutions.
Now last night I did the usual thing, sitting up with G, talking about how I never finish things, drinking beer, and then going to bed without cleaning my teeth (Incidentally, if you want to sleep in the best duvet in the world, have a word with G and L).
When I went into the bathroom, my toothbrush was on the side of the sink.
What?
I went into Nicky, who was in the bedroom:
Me: Did you use my toothbrush last night?
Nicky: No Why?
Me: Well it is on the side of the sink.
It turns out that Lindsey uses the identical toothbrush to me. Now this may not seem too weird to people, but it was the same make, she had chosen the same colour band to put around it (blue), and had bought a special whitening head, as I had done.
I need to crack on...
Joslin Rowe, a recruitment company geared specifically for women. I guessed that form the pink. Having sat in a lecture with Prof Jane Lewis, I wondered what she might have to say about gender specific roles in the employment market.
Harrison Pursey, an agency for pit-bull terriers.
Philharmonia Orchestra wanted a Donor Development Manager and a Friends Manager.
Board Works needed a Senior Editor in Humanities and English, and Spanish and French, Maths and Science Editorial Assistants. APD 12th October 2007.
TNS hundreds of vacancies, see above.
Eclipse, property specialists! Hang on... Agency.
Chartered institute of Library and Information Professionals or Cilip. Come on, we have all heard of these people. Charity.
Handle: recruitment consultants.
END OF PAGE 25!!!!!!
Yesterday, we went to visit a friend of mine from university (The first time around), Garrett, his wife Lindsey and their daughter. The more observant will have noticed that I forgot to send Garrett a birthday card last year.
Garrett and I met for the first time at Bath University. I pitched up, with my Mum and Dad in tow on my first day. We all faffed around for a while, before my parents and entourage left me on my own, for the first time.
It was very daunting.
Stuck in a breeze block room, that was so small, it was a lucky thing that I didn't have a cat that liked to be swung.
Bambi-like, I timidly ventured out into the corridor. The first place I headed to was the communal toilets.
As you do.
Garrett was in the toilets/washroom, shaving. This area was shared between 26 student flats. You can imagine the state that this area found itself in after a few weeks. So Garrett was the first person I met in my new adult life.
Garrett; "Alright? My name is Garrett." (Extending his hand)
Me: "Yes I'm ok, my name is Ian." (Shaking Garrett's hand, yes I am a proper adult now.)
Garrett: "Do you want a beer?"
Me: "Well ok then."
It was a bit more convoluted than that, but essentially Garrett and I were destined to be friends for a long time; that was 17 years ago.
Garrett is the type of friend that I was quite happy to take home to my parents' house. The first time he went to the shop in the Forest of Dean, he brought flowers for my Mum. It was the first time in my life that I had seen this politeness, especially from a student.
Ever since then Garrett has played an incredibly important part in my life. He is the reason I am with Nicky today. Most people at Bath University actually managed to graduate, sadly I did not quite manage to. I left mid way through everyone's third year. As a consequence, I moved back home to Gloucester and I used to meet up with my graduated friends in London (That's where they all were) on the weekends.
One weekend, I was staying at Garrett's flat in Clapham, and we went to the Wessex Rooms night club. This is where I met Nicky. We have been together ever since.
So thank you Garrett, you have been one of the most important people in my life.
Erm...sorry I forgot your birthday card.
The fabulous thing about Garrett and Lindsey is that we haven't seen them for 2 and a half years, and yet when we walked in their house, it was as if we had seen them only this morning. The rugby was on the telly, and we all just sat down and didn't really say anything. We didn't need to. It was a kind of home from home. A friend of theirs came in to watch the rugby, called Damien. I introduced myself, having never seen this bloke in my life before, and he said:
"Oh hello Ian, I met you in Bath, you used to drive a white Astra."
That was seventeen years ago!!!
What a memory.
We had a great evening of general reminiscing and merriment. It is odd to think how grown up we all are. Garrett and Lindsey, Mum and Dad? Dad and Mum, see above. They make bloody good parents.
We learnt last night that Lindsey's Mum has been married three times. Guess what? All three men that she has been married to are called Peter. All three of them! How brilliant is that? I can kind of see how it might happen once.
But, for this to happen twice? Fantastic.
When I was at university (the first time) people used to call me Bob. This is because I bore a vague resemblance to Bob Mortimer. However, Garrett always called me E, and I always called Garrett G. Looking back now, it seems that Garrett always knew that Bob was an alter ego, not the real me. He also must have realised that we would still be in contact long after the madness of student life.
We woke up this morning and descended the stairs. It took a while to work out how to unlock the child gate thing, but it was all good. Once we had had coffee, and generally played with makka paka (a small teddy bear), and Florence the floppy bunny, we went upstairs to do our ablutions.
Now last night I did the usual thing, sitting up with G, talking about how I never finish things, drinking beer, and then going to bed without cleaning my teeth (Incidentally, if you want to sleep in the best duvet in the world, have a word with G and L).
When I went into the bathroom, my toothbrush was on the side of the sink.
What?
I went into Nicky, who was in the bedroom:
Me: Did you use my toothbrush last night?
Nicky: No Why?
Me: Well it is on the side of the sink.
It turns out that Lindsey uses the identical toothbrush to me. Now this may not seem too weird to people, but it was the same make, she had chosen the same colour band to put around it (blue), and had bought a special whitening head, as I had done.
I need to crack on...
Joslin Rowe, a recruitment company geared specifically for women. I guessed that form the pink. Having sat in a lecture with Prof Jane Lewis, I wondered what she might have to say about gender specific roles in the employment market.
Harrison Pursey, an agency for pit-bull terriers.
Philharmonia Orchestra wanted a Donor Development Manager and a Friends Manager.
Board Works needed a Senior Editor in Humanities and English, and Spanish and French, Maths and Science Editorial Assistants. APD 12th October 2007.
TNS hundreds of vacancies, see above.
Eclipse, property specialists! Hang on... Agency.
Chartered institute of Library and Information Professionals or Cilip. Come on, we have all heard of these people. Charity.
Handle: recruitment consultants.
END OF PAGE 25!!!!!!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Saturday 19th January 2008
I received a fantastic reply this morning. The e-mail was sent at 7.20 a.m. this morning. Te refresh my memory I looked back to how I replied to Chelsea Square. I applied on the 4th January with:
Dear Michael
I fumbled across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I would like to apply for your position as Designer/Specifier.
I can not confess to be conversant with autoCAD. Is this one of those new computer games that you can talk to? I do not know of it, but I am willing to learn.
I do have a high level of design creativity, and a great deal of spatial awareness. In my opinion, Ursa Major looks nothing like a great bear, and as for the hunter Orion, I ask you.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
The response from Michael:
Ian,
Thank you for stumbling across our advert. I’m sorry for the late reply but have only just been discharged after my gender change operation. I am afraid we have filled the position, but we would like to offer you opportunity to apply for the vacancy of hole punch assistant. This is a part time position offering 36 minutes a week and feel that with your strong creativity skills you would be the ideal candidate. The salary is pro rata 50p per annum and you will of course be required to work shifts which shall include nights.
Please feel free to drop me a line should you have any questions.
Kind Regards
Michael Lansley
Well done Michael, you join a fairly exclusive club that includes Tottenham Hotspur and Patrick Meiier, a Swiss Banker.
I received a fantastic reply this morning. The e-mail was sent at 7.20 a.m. this morning. Te refresh my memory I looked back to how I replied to Chelsea Square. I applied on the 4th January with:
Dear Michael
I fumbled across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I would like to apply for your position as Designer/Specifier.
I can not confess to be conversant with autoCAD. Is this one of those new computer games that you can talk to? I do not know of it, but I am willing to learn.
I do have a high level of design creativity, and a great deal of spatial awareness. In my opinion, Ursa Major looks nothing like a great bear, and as for the hunter Orion, I ask you.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
The response from Michael:
Ian,
Thank you for stumbling across our advert. I’m sorry for the late reply but have only just been discharged after my gender change operation. I am afraid we have filled the position, but we would like to offer you opportunity to apply for the vacancy of hole punch assistant. This is a part time position offering 36 minutes a week and feel that with your strong creativity skills you would be the ideal candidate. The salary is pro rata 50p per annum and you will of course be required to work shifts which shall include nights.
Please feel free to drop me a line should you have any questions.
Kind Regards
Michael Lansley
Well done Michael, you join a fairly exclusive club that includes Tottenham Hotspur and Patrick Meiier, a Swiss Banker.
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