Applications: 51 Rejections: 3 Replies: 15 (14 if you count human) + Bonus Job! Withdrawn applications: 1
I went to work this morning knowing that mum and Phyllis were being picked up by my dad to be driven home again. If you are going to create a carbon wellington boot print, you may as well have a pair.
Although it is nice to have your family over, I couldn't help thinking that I would much rather get back to normal. I was looking forward to tonight, so that I could sit on the bus with Lenny. I realise that this may need a little explanation...
Lenny has already been mentioned above. He is one of my two cats (of Lenny and Hippy fame). Lenny has had a troubled life. He joined our little family during a period when my partner was working in a pet shop. He was the last cat left over from a litter of kittens. I don't think anyone liked him because he has a funny squidge on his face that makes him look like he is laughing. Anyway, because he was the last kitten left, he spent rather too much time with the birds in the pet shop. This means that every time he sees a bird, he has to make a bird-like squawking sound. This has gradually developed into a general anxiety disorder. He always has to come in through the dining room doors (even if the kitchen door is open), and he hates carrier bags rustling (to the extent that he will jump about four feet in the air).
Anyway, as explained before, I spend a great deal of my time in the dining room. I sit on a dining chair, and Lenny likes me to pull up another dining room chair alongside mine. He will then sit on the dining chair next to me. It looks like we are sitting on the top deck of a double decker bus. Hence the expression, to sit on the bus with Lenny. I use it now to mean, getting back to normal after you have been on holiday, or had general family visiting disrupting your usual routine.
The chain smoking spider has decided to sit on the bus with Lenny. She did not make an appearance for the whole weekend with mum and Phyllis here, but she has dutifully returned tonight.
I SPOKE TO A HUMAN BEING TODAY FROM TENUK!!!
You may recall that tenuk had left me an answerphone message. I returned their call, and had got their voicemail message. This was around ten days ago. Anyway, I received a call from them today.
Kerri: Hello is that Ian.
Me: Yes, who's calling?
Kerri: It is Kerri from tenuk, you have left us an answerphone message?
Me: Yes, I was returning your call, you said that you wanted to discuss my application further.
Kerri: Which job did you apply for?
(Hmm, tricky, I have applied for quite a few recently)
Me: I think it was for Operations Manager.
Kerri: Oh, Ops Manager, we have had loads of entrants for that, we have a pile of CVs which we are sifting through.
Me: So what was it that you wanted to discuss?
Kerri: Oh nothing, I was just returning your answerphone message.
Me: So is there some kind of Application Process?
Kerri: Oh yes, we will sift through the CV's and you may be selected for a telephone interview.
Me: So I shall expect to hear from you?
Kerri: Yes within the next few days.
Me: Alright then, I'll speak to you soon.
Within ten minutes I received a text message:
Ian we have not received a CV from you. If you would like to apply for a role, please e-mail this to HR@TenUK.com.
WHAT?!?!
They received my e-mail on the 9th October 2007 enclosing a CV. They must have had it, how else did they leave me a message on my answer phone?
Dear Ten
I am writing following our telephone conversation, and a subsequent text message.
You have had my CV. Please find attached a copy of my original e-mail.
I would still love to be part of your revolution!
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
So, two weeks on and we are back to square one.
We thank you for your interest in tenUk and will be in touch shortly.
Kind regards,
HR at tenUK
Oh, I know they will.
Strictly Confidential-
Addressee Only
RE – Application for Coaching Consultant – UK Sport
Dear Ian,
Further to your application to the above post, I write to inform you that regrettably, on this occasion, you were unsuccessful.
May I take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in the role and please do not let this deter you from applying for future jobs within UK Sport.
Yours sincerely
Danni Thomas
Human Resources Administrator
Dear Danni
Thank you for your e-mail. However, I was really disappointed by your rejection of my application.
I really do like watching elite sport. Only last weekend, I watched England be beaten by South Africa in the World Cup Final. I also watched Lewis Hamilton fail to win the F1 Championship.
Would you please reconsider my application?
Kind regards
AND FINALLY FROM THE LIB DEMS!!!
Dear IanMany thanks for your email, the contents of which have been noted. You have to already be a Member of Parliament in order to stand for Leader of the Party, however, thank you for your application and for writing in.Best wishes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emma Peall Information Co-ordinator
