Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Monday 22nd October 2007

Applications: 52 Rejections: 3 Replies: 15 (14 if you count human) + Bonus Job! Withdrawn applications: 1

Dear Emma

Thank you for your e-mail, I am glad that you have noted the contents of my e-mail.

I, in turn, note the contents of your e-mail.

I notice that nominations close for leader on the 31st October 2007. Do you think it is possible to become a Member of Parliament by then? Are there any seats going spare at the moment?

I appreciate that I may miss the deadline this time around. However, for future reference, how do I go about becoming an MP? Do you have a leaflet that you could send me?

I look forward to your reply.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

I spent the day travelling to a property just south of Heathrow Airport. The journey there was broken up by a close game of Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart Game. Norbert went into the lead around junction 26 of the M25, before I spotted an Eddie around junction 16; 1-1. Eddie finally pipped it at the death, as I spotted another of his lorries just after Junction 15. Final score: France 1: England 2.

I received a message on my home answer phone from Lesley-Anne at tenuk. She would like to invite me to a telephone interview. Now, P G Wodehouse style, let us just sum up what has happened so far with these people:

1. I sent a CV by email.

2. They left a message on my home phone, asking to discuss the application further.

3. I left a message for them with my mobile telephone number.

4. They called me back asking what I wanted.

5. I receive a text message indicating they do not have my CV.

6. I send my CV into them again.

7. I receive a message saying they would like to discuss my application further, and invite me for a telephone interview.

No wonder they need an Operations Director. So far their operations have not been directed very well at all. Oh well, I will call tomorrow, at lunch time.

Administration over, on with the jobs.

Actionaid will also accept applications from all aspects of the community, sadly not me, as discussed above.

'Home helps required by Female Writer in Notting Hill Gate.

Housework, shopping and whatever comes up. Over-qualified people welcomed. A sense of humour helps and you'll need to be reliable, practical, keenly helpful and able to commit to a minimum of six months.

E-mail (no attachments please) with brief résumé and full contact details.'

This advert looks sublimely ridiculous beneath the advert for the international charity. Part of me wants to leave this writer alone with the over-qualified shopper. However, I really can't resist.

Dear Madam

I read with interest your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/9/07.

I am overqualified and I have a sense of humour, for example:

What do you call a three legged donkey?

A Wonkey.

I look forward to your earliest response.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

The next advert is for a fellowship at Harvard University, applications need to come from the candidate's university. As I am not currently studying, I will be unable to apply. However, I am pleased that the fellowships provide a stipend of $20,500.

Foundling Museum, charity.

Some media company require professionals with one year's B2B or B2C phone sales experience. They want you to call them, so I will add to tomorrow's lunch time list of calls.

The future laboratory's job closed on the 8th October! It is a shame, because they offered:

'Ours is not a 9-5 environment. Commitment, enthusiasm and passion are essential. Attractive package includes Christmas office closure, pension scheme, all of the food an drink you can manage, the office dog to walk and company performance related bonus.'

It is interesting that shutting the office at Christmas should mean more to people than a pension.

Anyway, after all of that, the return journey from Feltham ended in a boring 0-0 draw.