Friday, November 16, 2007

Friday 16th November 2007

Applications: 75 Rejections: 5 Replies: 22 (21 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1

Dear Mr Carpenter,

Unfortunately, this job has now been filled. Thank you for showing an interest.

Yours sincerely

Robert Jones

Never mind, well I did apply seven weeks late, what did I expect?

I was doing some research for the Liberal Democrat Project. I noticed the following on:

'Vince Cable
Following the resignation of Ming Campbell as party leader, his deputy Dr Vincent Cable has become Acting Leader pending a leadership election. You can read about Vince Cable on his biography page.'

What do you think of that? Do you not spell it Menzies?

Perhaps they have been hanging out with the good people at The Jolly Learning Partnership. Remember them from Thursday 8th November: they were the ones peddling synthetic phonics.

If I ever get to become an MP for the Liberal Democrats, I will be known as Eeyanne.

So, Islington Borough Council are loooking for a Corporate Communications Officer, Communications and Marketing Officers (x2), and a Senior Media Officer. Apply by date was 14th October 2007. I reflected for a moment on the sad irony of the written phrase:

'If you require this document in large print or Braile, please contact 0207 527 2000.'

Flight Centre want Sales Consultants:

'Having visited two continents outside europe.'

Hmm I haven't done this. I can count only Europe.

Never mind, I was not exactly qualified for Operational Consultancy.

30 jobs, hmm, see above, that would be ridiculous, I'll be here for ever. So sorry flight centre, I hadn't been to two continents outside europe anyway.

Assistant Editor for UKIP!! My political leanings are being pushed from pillar to post here. As luck would have it, the apply by date was 3/10/07, blimey you had to be quick with that lot.

'AS & K Mercury Healthcare Communications is a leading communications agency providing innovative and strategically focussed solutions across the pharmaceutical industry.'

They are looking for an Editor and an Assistant Editor.

Dear Madam/Sir

I have come across your advertisement for the above positions in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I do not have a biomedical degree, or a life science degree. I did however get an A in GCSE biology.

I am interested in medical issues and Healthcare communications. I particularly like the anti-smoking poster where the cigarette turns into a tube of fatty cholesterol.

I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to your reply.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

TESCO would 'like to get closer to the communities we serve'. No really, you do surprise me. I already have a large TESCO, and four baby TESCOs all within walking distance of my house. However, they do not serve Holsten Pils, so they do not get my custom! They are apparently looking to put an even bigger TESCO about 800 yards nearer my house than the other large TESCO that is already there. How many toasters for £2.97 can they sell?

The person that you had to apply to by the 5th October was called David Younghusband. Sorry Marike, you have moved into second place in the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered on my little quest.

I doff my cap to Nick Hornby, but the top five list of ridiculous names that I have encountered so far looks like this:

1. David Younghusband
2. Marike Dippenaar
3. Sir Menzies Campbell (phonetically Ming)
4. Orkan Ahmadov
5. Klaus Brune/Patrick Meiier

Ofcom wanted a Partner. I thought this was a bit forward for a first encounter, but there we go. ABD 8/10/07.