Sunday 3rd February 2008

As discussed yesterday, the six nations Rugby started. They have blatantly nicked my idea with the Four Nations Lorry Championship. I will have to be careful about putting more of my ideas on here.

The Mining Institute’s motto is Moneo et munio; Everyday is a school day. Yesterday I learnt about the fairly tasteless Sharon Fruit. Moneo et munio means I advise and defend, and is also the heraldic motto for the Elphinstone Family.

Their job was to be found on the Guardian Jobs website (The Mining Institute, not the Elphinstone Family). I did a quick search:


Found 11906 jobs

That would be ridiculous; I could be here for ever.

I could not find their job for Fundraising and Education staff.

Unicorn were looking for an Education Manager. APD Friday 5 October 2007:

‘For further information visit www.unicorntheatre .com or send an A4 sae (65p) to: Stage Door, Unicorn Theatre, 147 Tooley Street, London[.]’

So you have to apply to the stage door?

‘Dynamic couple requires experienced executive PA to manage their schedules and affairs, both business and private…www.tlastudio.co.uk’

Hmm.

Dear Christian

I stubbed my right toe on your advert in The Guardian dated 29/9/07.

I notice that you were looking for a Executive PA to manage the affairs of a dynamic couple. I currently jointly manage the affairs of my partner Nicky and I.

Nicky is more of the ideas person, and I tend to be the “do-er”. For example, yesterday we were in the supermarket, and Nicky realised that we needed a lemon to put in the piece of trout that I was going to have for dinner. She came up with the idea, but I was off straight away to retrieve it. (Incidentally, they had been moved from their usual place, and put on the end of an aisle with the pancake mix, as it is Pancake Day on Tuesday.)

I hope that I am the type of person that you are after. I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

END OF PAGE 28!!!!!!!!!

The final straight.

I watched the Norbert Dentressangle versus James Irlam rugby match this afternoon. I will admit that perhaps their game has more sponsorship potential than mine. You can write RBS as many times as you want on that great big pitch.

The Nobby national anthem is so much better than Stobby’s.

Saturday 2nd February 2007

I ate something I had never eaten today for lunch.

Sharon fruit.

It tasted of, well pretty much nothing, a bit sweet, with the texture of an apple crossed with nectarine.

I did this because Nicky and I performed our usual Ceilidh in the Supermarket this afternoon. When we get back home and start unpacking I always discover things that I have never seen in the shop before, let alone would ever consider buying.

Recent Nicky acquisitions include:

100% organic Lemon Balm & Orange Blossom Conditioner.

Lemon, Rosemary and Walnut hand and nail cream.

Triare Flower & Patchouli Hand Wash.

Warm Vanilla & Neroli Hand Wash (Yes you have a choice of hand washes in our bath room).

Sharon Fruit.

My recent acquisitions:

Bread with the tiger skin pattern on it.

Cheese and onion crisps.

Beer (preferably Holsten Pils) Recently they have changed the flavour of this essential item. I have written to Carlsberg to complain, but have yet to have a response.

Frozen chips (the thin ones from waitrose).

A lemon.

I think that I may have already mentioned that I got the wireless network sorted at home. This means that I can sit in the dining room, while Nicky is upstairs doing work for, well work. I also realised that I could print stuff on the printer upstairs, right where Nicky is working. So we can still communicate.

I spent the afternoon watching the rugby and sending printed messages to Nicky upstairs.

It was no subterranean homesick blues, but it kept me amused.

I will plant some trees, I promise, and then I will walk over the discarded paper, whilst poets pass behind me.