Monday 5th November 2007

Applications: 58 Rejections: 4 Replies: 19 (18 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1

The Zygos Partnership (remember them) have finally turned me down:

RESEARCH CONSULTANT POSITION
Thank you for your email enclosing a copy of your CV with reference to the above role which I have read with care.
There have been a number of candidates who more closely match the skills set and experience required for this position, so unfortunately on this occasion, you have not been successful in your application.
Nevertheless, may I take this opportunity to thank you for writing to The Zygos Partnership and wish you every success with your future career.
Yours sincerely
The Zygos Partnership
15 Sloane Square
London
SW1W 8ER

Oh well, at least I won't be found hanging from Neap Bridge.

I have been looking at the jobs on page ten. As discussed above, well I say discussed, more mentioned. The jobs on this page are no more, they have expired, they have ceased to be.

Dear reader, please feel free to let your mind wander as I mention all of the expired jobs and their apply-by dates on this page:

The Guardian (5/10/07) media research data analyst, Marketing Officer for the NCB (14/10/07), Senior Marketing Officer and Press Officer for the Warrington Borough Council (11/10/07), Communications and administration Officer for the UK Coalition Against Poverty (24/10/07), Head of Finance for RICHMIX (12/10/07), Marketing Assistant at Fairfield Halls Croydon (12/10/07).

One little gem at the end does not have a reply by date! English Language Sales Manager for Ivy Group.


www.ivy-group.co.uk/jobs

Apparently, I have to apply to someone called Alistair Campbell.

It can't be.

Surely not.

Dear Alistair

I note with some considerable interest your position for English Language Sales Manager advertised in The Guardian dated 29/09/07.

Firstly, are you really Alistair Campbell?

If so, I have bought your book, The Tony Blair Years. I have to admit that I have been a bit busy recently, so I have not had a chance to read it from cover to cover. However, whenever I get a spare couple of weeks, I will give it my full attention.

I am not sure exactly what the advertisement meant. Do I have to sell the English language to other people?

I would welcome some clarification on this matter.

I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

Well let's see what happens.

End of page ten!

Sunday 4th November 2007

We went to a housewarming come bonfire party last night. That kind of works; let's warm the house by lighting a great big fire. I don't know why more people don't wait to complete on their house purchases until a couple of days before bonfire night.

I reckon one of the guests must have been in the Boy Scouts when they were younger. When the fireworks started, they not only pulled out a paparazzi-style camera, but they also erected a tripod! Is it just me, or is that a little too prepared?

Tripod Camera Person: Hello Marge [partner of Tripod Camera Person], don't forget we are going to that party tonight, so we need to get a few things to take.

Marge: Oh yes, I'll get some flowers for the hosts, a bottle of red and a bottle of white wine.

Tripod Camera Person: I'll get a card from the shop, oh, and I'll also pack that really professional looking camera tripod in order to take pictures of the fireworks.

Does that not happen in your house?

I also played a short text game of Mornington Crescent with Simon (Yes the original challenger, to coin a phrase from Danny Wallace):

Me: Fancy a game of Mornington Crescent? Normal Rules, bi-laterals count double. I'll start by sacrificing Seven Sisters: tooting Bec.

Simon: I'm afraid that makes no sense to me. You should apply anyway.

[Perhaps I may have been talking about the project too much.]

Me: Sorry it is from I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue. A game where there are no rules. (you make your own rules up) your turn.

Simon: I take Pimlico and raise you a Cockfosters.

Me: Ah, you have been studying the Karpov Dilemma. Forward counts for three, and I have a community chest. So: Friern Barnet.

Simon: Predictable. Friern Barnet is a type 2 so I have to employ the Yuri Gargarin method. Over the river puts me in a bit of a fix, but I'm afraid it's whitechapel.

Me: Anyway, Mornington Crescent. (denotes end of game)

This is a very short version of the game. I recommend any more serious players to go to the Radio Four message board:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbradio4/F2766775?thread=4082448&skip=440&show=20

There is one game on this board that has been going on since April.

I have to admit that I am looking at the paper, and becoming a little disheartened. Most of the jobs on page ten have passed their apply-by date.