Guardianwork

Sunday 25th November 2007

We went to a wedding in Wales earlier this year, and they had a barn dance, or Ceilidh. This generally involved starting in the same place with your partner, before running around in opposite directions for twenty minutes, skipping and the like, before returning to the place you started, with your partner again.

A Ceilidh, all good fun.

The only reason that I mention this is that this is what I did with Nicky in Waitrose yesterday. I like to call it the Waitrose Ceilidh. We start generally in the same position. Now Nicky can handle the pointy elbows of the middle classes, but I can't. If I come across people who have stopped, I do not ask them politely to move, I feel it necessary to do a complete u-turn, going in the opposite direction to the way I actually want to go, going down the next aisle, before meeting up with Nicky again, her clutching a tin of sweetcorn, and me with a new Carlsberg Beer called Carlsberg Edge. If you have ever done any country dancing at school, I think you can probably see the similarity.

The Waitrose Ceilidh.

Anyway, the England Manager.

I had to set up a FA Number, or FAN, which I did.

Dear Brian Barwick

I noticed through the media over the past few days, that there is a vacancy for England Manager. I would like to apply for the position

Firstly, I have recently been considered for the Manager of Tottenham Hotspur, before they (wrongly in my opinion) gave it to Juande Ramos.

I would also point out that I watched the match on Wednesday, and I listened to the pundits at half time. I did not go and make a cup of tea, like everyone else, so I feel that I am a student of the game.

Let me highlight an issue that I think is a problem with the English game. Everyone talks about the Christmas Tree Formation; 4-3-2-1. This is never going to work! How can you expect to not concede goals, if you only have only one person at the back?

No, I propose a Reverse Christmas Tree Formation (RCTF). You have four people at the back, three people in front of them, followed by another two people, and then a lone striker.

I think it is an idea right from the top drawer!

I hope that you would consider my application; however, I would point out that I could only accept the position, if I could bring my colleague, Simon, with me, as Assistant Coach.

I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

Let's see what will happen.