Monday, January 07, 2008

Monday 7th January 2007

From the Director of absolute appointments on a Sunday Morning:

Morning Ian

Please can you send your CV to us and we will give you a call

From the other Director of absolute appointments on Monday Morning:

Please forward your CV by return and we will call you for an initial telephone interview.

Claire and Simon respectively, there.

Schoolboy error, they are a recruitment company, and I have already decided not to apply to agencies. But they have both got back to me so...


Foxtons are looking for an image retoucher. That sounds a bit wrong to me.

I first encountered this lot on the 13th November last year, and have been trying to avoid being employed by them ever since.

Dear Harriet

I noted your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I appreciate that I am a bit late in applying, but I would like to apply anyway.

This is in spite of the fact that I have no Photoshop skills, no knowledge of Quark Express, Illustrator or Acrobat.

I have attached my CV for your perusal and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

Quietroom want a copywriter.

'Quietroom writes copy, produces video and delivers training and communication consultancy to major financial companies and the Government. We're based in North London and need a witty copywriter who:

Likes making complicated things simple
Understands detail but always asks if we really need it
Wants a long term relationship not a holiday romance'

Dear all at Quietroom.

I have been applying for every job in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I came across your advert this evening, and I have to say it is the best job advert that I have encountered on my journey. Well done!

I would like to apply for the position, and have attached my CV for your perusal.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

Anyway, I received the onion money from Barry by Pay Pal. He has decided that the money should go to cancer research. I think this is quite fitting, as we have already lost the chain smoking spider to cancer only last year.