Guardianwork

Monday 11th February

Guess what?

There is a bonus page!!!

What I thought were just adverts on page thirty are in fact just that: they are adverts, adverts for jobs!!!

Underneath the article about Paul Smith, a software engineer from Harrogate, are some more job adverts! Incidentally Paul found the IT market tougher than he expected.

It is a good thing that I did not throw the paper away... Then where would I have been?

There are Luton Based Opportunities for working at Vauxhall Motors. Sadly, an agency.

Oh pants.

www.graduate-recruitment.co.uk, another agency.

Got Jobs for Graduates, ditto.

Oh these adverts are not so good after all.

PFJ, another agency...

How frustrating is this?

Brand and Brown are looking for a graduate, to join their training programme.

'Send us your CV , together with a 200-word newspaper style article (either fictitious or real) about an aspect of your university life.'

Dear Madam/Sir

I came across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07, with a feeling like I had just eaten some Sharon fruit for the first time.

You asked that I submit my CV with a 200 word article about my university life.

Here is an extract from a recent project regarding my first encounter with Garrett:

Garrett and I met for the first time at Bath University. I pitched up, with my Mum and Dad in tow on my first day. We all faffed around for a while, before my parents and entourage left me on my own, for the first time.

It was very daunting.

Stuck in a breeze block room, that was so small, it was a lucky thing that I didn't have a cat that liked to be swung.

Bambi-like, I timidly ventured out into the corridor. The first place I headed to was the communal toilets.

As you do.

Garrett was in the toilets/washroom, shaving. This area was shared between 26 student flats. You can imagine the state that this area found itself in after a few weeks. So Garrett was the first person I met in my new adult life.

Garrett; "Alright? My name is Garrett." (Extending his hand)

Me: "Yes I'm ok, my name is Ian." (Shaking Garrett's hand, yes I am a proper adult now.)

Garrett: "Do you want a beer?"

Me: "Well ok then."

It was a bit more convoluted than that, but essentially Garrett and I were destined to be friends for a long time; that was 17 years ago.

I hope that you enjoy it.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

The final, final job is for Head of Global Risk Department with Merchant International.

'A small but well-established corporate security and strategic risk consultancy is looking to hire a new head of the global risk department. The position requires a strong background in the political and strategic risk consulting arena with a focus on emerging markets. The successful candidate will manage a small team of researchers and have primary responsibility for developing new business and restructuring our product portfolio.'



Dear Madam/Sir

I read with interest your advert for Head of Global Risk. I felt a bit like I had just taken a deep breath before a job interview.

I am exceptionally good at Global Risk. Two Austrian friends of ours, Gert and Tina, once invited us over for a game. I lost, but my strategy was very good. I think I was put off by the viener schnitzell.

Anyway, I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

That is it.

Done.