Monday, February 11, 2008

Monday 11th February

Guess what?

There is a bonus page!!!

What I thought were just adverts on page thirty are in fact just that: they are adverts, adverts for jobs!!!

Underneath the article about Paul Smith, a software engineer from Harrogate, are some more job adverts! Incidentally Paul found the IT market tougher than he expected.

It is a good thing that I did not throw the paper away... Then where would I have been?

There are Luton Based Opportunities for working at Vauxhall Motors. Sadly, an agency.

Oh pants., another agency.

Got Jobs for Graduates, ditto.

Oh these adverts are not so good after all.

PFJ, another agency...

How frustrating is this?

Brand and Brown are looking for a graduate, to join their training programme.

'Send us your CV , together with a 200-word newspaper style article (either fictitious or real) about an aspect of your university life.'

Dear Madam/Sir

I came across your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07, with a feeling like I had just eaten some Sharon fruit for the first time.

You asked that I submit my CV with a 200 word article about my university life.

Here is an extract from a recent project regarding my first encounter with Garrett:

Garrett and I met for the first time at Bath University. I pitched up, with my Mum and Dad in tow on my first day. We all faffed around for a while, before my parents and entourage left me on my own, for the first time.

It was very daunting.

Stuck in a breeze block room, that was so small, it was a lucky thing that I didn't have a cat that liked to be swung.

Bambi-like, I timidly ventured out into the corridor. The first place I headed to was the communal toilets.

As you do.

Garrett was in the toilets/washroom, shaving. This area was shared between 26 student flats. You can imagine the state that this area found itself in after a few weeks. So Garrett was the first person I met in my new adult life.

Garrett; "Alright? My name is Garrett." (Extending his hand)

Me: "Yes I'm ok, my name is Ian." (Shaking Garrett's hand, yes I am a proper adult now.)

Garrett: "Do you want a beer?"

Me: "Well ok then."

It was a bit more convoluted than that, but essentially Garrett and I were destined to be friends for a long time; that was 17 years ago.

I hope that you enjoy it.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

The final, final job is for Head of Global Risk Department with Merchant International.

'A small but well-established corporate security and strategic risk consultancy is looking to hire a new head of the global risk department. The position requires a strong background in the political and strategic risk consulting arena with a focus on emerging markets. The successful candidate will manage a small team of researchers and have primary responsibility for developing new business and restructuring our product portfolio.'

Dear Madam/Sir

I read with interest your advert for Head of Global Risk. I felt a bit like I had just taken a deep breath before a job interview.

I am exceptionally good at Global Risk. Two Austrian friends of ours, Gert and Tina, once invited us over for a game. I lost, but my strategy was very good. I think I was put off by the viener schnitzell.

Anyway, I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards

Ian Carpenter

That is it.


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