Tuesday 27th November 2007

Applications: 88 Rejections: 5 Replies: 27 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 3! Withdrawn applications: 1


Dear Ian

Thank you for your application for the above position. Regretfully the vacancy has now been filled, but your interest is appreciated. Best of luck for the future.

Kind regards
Carol

Carol Parsons
PA to Vivien Hepworth
Chief Executive
Grayling Political Strategy


That was nice.

She wished me all the best of luck for the future. I think it was the picture of the bowls final that put her off though.

Administration over.


Good news! I received my first Christmas card today. Well, I say Christmas card; it was more of a Christmas Post-it note, from Sacha in the office. It is not even December!

So on with the jobs.

Senior Press Officer for CIPD:

'What does the future of work look like? How can firms win the war for talent? Are migrant workers the answer to the skills shortages firms face today? What role do flexible working, diversity, employer branding, pay and pensions have to play in motivating people at work?'

Interesting.

I have heard of this new craze for branding.

Some people, for some reason, have taken to getting themselves branded with hot irons. That is fair enough if you are doing it to yourself, but to brand your boss? I ask you.

Anyway, closing date was 8/10/07.

The Brooklands Group are looking for a Circulation and Marketing Manager:

'Responsibilities will include planning and executing retail and added value promotions as well as subs renewal and acquisition programmes. He/she will be creative, literate and numerate.'

I guess you might have to be literate if you are planning an acquisitions programme.

They offer:

'Generous basic salaries
Five weeks' holiday
Travelcard loan scheme
Bupa private medical insurance*
Stakeholder pension plan*
Free chocolate on Fridays!

* Medical insurance and pension benefits apply from six month anniversary of joining date.'

Ah, but the free chocolate is from week one!

Dear Sue

I note with renewed interest your advertisements in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I would like to apply for all three positions advertised. They were:

Circulation and Marketing Manager
PR Manager (magazines, events, corporate)
Sponsorship Manager

Please find attached my CV for your perusal.

I would be grateful if you could clarify one thing. Why do you have to wait six months for the medical and insurance benefits, whereas you get the free chocolate immediately?

I only mention this, because I was in Waitrose over the weekend, and they had a bar of chocolate that was £6.50. £6.50 for a bar of chocolate?!?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

There has been some political scandal today over alleged donations given to the Labour Party by David Abrahams, through third parties. £700,000 apparently.

It got me thinking about the old drinking song Father Abraham.

David Abrahams
Had seven hundred thousand pounds
Seven hundred thousand pounds had David Abrahams

And he didn't laugh
And he didn't cry
All he did was go like this...

Maybe not. Unless someone would like to finish it?

Emma in the office highlighted another news story that may have been some interest to me: The Scotland Manager, Alex McLeish has vacated his position for Birmingham City.

Monday 26th November 2007

Applications: 85 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 3! Withdrawn applications: 1

Dear Supporter

Thank you for contacting FootballforAll@TheFA.com

This e-mail address is strictly reserved for those wishing to report allegations of abuse or discrimination such as incidents of racism or homophobia. Please note that we are unable to respond to any other type of query sent to this e-mail address.

If you have a football related query or comment you would like to make but do not wish to report an incident of discrimination please contact The FA Customer Relations Unit via the link below who will be happy to help:

http://www.TheFA.com/Feedback

Kind regards,


Customer Relations UnitThe Football Association

So I sent it again:

Thank you for contacting The FA.The FA's Customer Relations team will strive to respond within five working days of receipt. If further information is required, a comprehensive response will be sent within a further ten working days.If you require a more urgent response you can contact the Customer Relations team on 020 7745 4545 between 9.15am and 5.00pm on weekdays.To return to TheFA.com please click hereKind regards,The FA's Customer Relations team

So on with the jobs.

Lafferty wanted loads of people, however interviews were at the end of September. I am only two months behind.

Editorial Portfolio Recruitment, recruitment agency, see above.

Stonewall, the gay rights people, wanted a Senior Communications Officer and Major Donor and Corporate Accounts Manager. Charity sadly, and, apply by date 17/10/07.

SAM Learning APD 12/10/07.

University of Central Lancashire wanted some people. APD 12/10/07.

This is rubbish.

I thought this page looked really exciting. I have had to rely on the bonus FA job to keep me interested today.

IOP 10/10/07.

A blue advert...

'Would you want to write for a traditionally tight-lipped, strait-laced firm of builders?

You might.

Let us know why, including details about your education, experience and skills.'

Dear Carol

I noticed with interest your advertisement for a writer in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I would like to be a writer, except I always find that I get a bit stuck for things to say sometimes. That would probably not help.

Anyway, you asked that I send details about my education, experience, and skills. I have attached my CV for your perusal.

I would just like to say, that the choice of blue for your advert was inspired! All the other adverts on page 17 of the Guardian dated 29/09/07 were monochrome and boring.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

PS I have also attached a picture of the recent bowls final, which I took from my dining room chair. It is also blue!

Sunday 25th November 2007

We went to a wedding in Wales earlier this year, and they had a barn dance, or Ceilidh. This generally involved starting in the same place with your partner, before running around in opposite directions for twenty minutes, skipping and the like, before returning to the place you started, with your partner again.

A Ceilidh, all good fun.

The only reason that I mention this is that this is what I did with Nicky in Waitrose yesterday. I like to call it the Waitrose Ceilidh. We start generally in the same position. Now Nicky can handle the pointy elbows of the middle classes, but I can't. If I come across people who have stopped, I do not ask them politely to move, I feel it necessary to do a complete u-turn, going in the opposite direction to the way I actually want to go, going down the next aisle, before meeting up with Nicky again, her clutching a tin of sweetcorn, and me with a new Carlsberg Beer called Carlsberg Edge. If you have ever done any country dancing at school, I think you can probably see the similarity.

The Waitrose Ceilidh.

Anyway, the England Manager.

I had to set up a FA Number, or FAN, which I did.

Dear Brian Barwick

I noticed through the media over the past few days, that there is a vacancy for England Manager. I would like to apply for the position

Firstly, I have recently been considered for the Manager of Tottenham Hotspur, before they (wrongly in my opinion) gave it to Juande Ramos.

I would also point out that I watched the match on Wednesday, and I listened to the pundits at half time. I did not go and make a cup of tea, like everyone else, so I feel that I am a student of the game.

Let me highlight an issue that I think is a problem with the English game. Everyone talks about the Christmas Tree Formation; 4-3-2-1. This is never going to work! How can you expect to not concede goals, if you only have only one person at the back?

No, I propose a Reverse Christmas Tree Formation (RCTF). You have four people at the back, three people in front of them, followed by another two people, and then a lone striker.

I think it is an idea right from the top drawer!

I hope that you would consider my application; however, I would point out that I could only accept the position, if I could bring my colleague, Simon, with me, as Assistant Coach.

I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

Let's see what will happen.

Friday 23rd November 2007

Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1

I have the day off today, so I naturally have time on my hands. There is no better way than to kill time by playing Googlewhack. This was inspired by a book by Dave Gorman called, surpisingly, The Goolgewhack Adventure. The idea is that you put two random words into Google to see if you get only one hit.

Guess what?

Guardianwork rogan is a Googlewhack!!!

vegetable rogan josh - a love of food, food for love - romantic ...
Kill or cure, I reckon. For the record, chicken rogan josh, pilau rice... http://guardianwork.blogspot.com/. 0This result has 0 votes; Vote for this result ...a-love-of-food-food-for-love---romantic-recipes-swicki.eurekster.com/vegetable+rogan+josh/ - 59k - Cached - Similar pages

Fantastic!

The internet is a marvellous thing.

I have been on Blogspot for only a few weeks, but if you put guardianwork into google, there are twenty hits. The great thing is that my blog comes up first, and I haven't even paid Google anything. So, if ever anyone should happen to put guardianwork into google, the blog would be the first hit.

The other fantastic thing is it is cited on A love of food, food for love- romantic recipes. It is also cited on http://www.isthisyour.name/joe_gibson.htm, because of the original job application with The Arch Nemesis.

'The Football Association is committed to our vision of using the power of football to build a better future.

The core objectives that support the achievement of this are:

· To be seen by fans, players, managers, clubs and the government as the leading sports governing body in the world
· To lead the development of a grass-roots framework which will achieve the highest levels of participation in the world
· To achieve consistent, long-term success on the field through player development at every level
· To be a leading-edge marketing organisation
· To lead and shape the debate about football at a national, UEFA and FIFA level
· To provide leading-edge service levels both internally and externally

If this sounds like the type of organisation that you would like to be part of, then see and revisit this section for information on Vacancies.

FA Vacancies
There are no other vacancies at present'

Yes there is; Steve McLaren was sacked quite openly yesterday.

Thursday 22nd November 2007

Applications: 84 Rejections: 5 Replies: 26 (25 if you count human) + Bonus Job x 2! Withdrawn applications: 1


I was mortally embarrassed today.

I went to the supermarket after work and I was forced to go to the check-out of the woman that saw me topless on the stage of the Southend Cliffs Pavillion, whilst serenading Julian Clary, whilst having my nipples rubbed by his erstwhile sidekick, Hugh Jelly (from sticky moments).

I have managed to avoid her for about four years since the incident, but she was right on the end of the line of checkouts. I went bright red.

I should just explain that I went to see Julian Clary about four years ago. I was selected to participate in his live show. I say selected, the bloke in front of me refused to go up, so it really forced my hand.

Anyway, after having to answer several questions about my favourite sexual positions etc, it was of great amusement to many of the 600 odd people in the audience that I worked in a bank.

The following day, Nicky and I went to the supermarket, and the check out person said:

"Were you at the Cliffs Pavilion last night?"

I could have died.

She still remembers the incident, apparently, even after four years.

I still have the bottle of champagne that I was given that night, I do have a picture.


So on with the administration.

Jane's Information Group, from yesterday, sent me an e-mail:

Dear Ian,

Sorry could you just clarify which position you would like to apply for.

Many thanks,

Emma Cussell
Resource and Development Administrator


Dear Emma

Thank you for your e-mail.

Please, do not apologise for asking for clarification of my application. I have to admit, it was not clear from my original e-mail.

I would like to apply for both positions advertised.

They were, in turn:

Deputy Editor, Jane’s Defence Weekly-Coulsdon Surrey.

and

Chief Sub-Editor (Defence and Transport)- Coulsdon Surrey.

I hope that this clarifies the matter, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

I also received an odd e-mail:

Dear Ian


Regards
Craig Cobb Consultant
Judd Farris Property Recruitment


Dear Craig

Thank you for your e-mail.

I noted with a considerable amount of interest that you did not include a message.

The more you know, the less you need to show, I suppose.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

Administration over.

It was pointed out to me, by Laura, Dan, Barry and Martin that there was a vacant position today. The England boss, Steve McLaren, has lost his job following last night's defeat. I have a day off tomorrow, so I reckon it may be time for bonus job number 3.