Guardianwork

Thursday 11th October 2007

Applications: 29 Rejections: 1 Replies: 6 (5 if you count human)

Cheese and onion crisps: brilliant.

GOOD NEWS FOR THE SPIDER LOVERS!

The world's first chain smoking spider has made a return tonight. I think it must have had a bit of a cough, and was probably laying off the fags for a while. Perhaps it took some spider benylin. (There are other spider cough medicines available: The honey and lemon spider lemsip capsules come highly recommended).

Afghanaid want a UK Director. See above, I can really not apply for this job, for now.

Brad Insight are looking for a Research Supervisor and Research Executives.

A confident and approachable manner is critical in this role and familiarity with database systems would be an advantage.

I am fairly confident, and I hope approachable. I am familiar with databases; I know that I do not understand how they work.



Dear Susan

I read with some considerable interest the advertisement that you placed in The Guardian on the 29/09/07.

As you can see from my attached CV, I can research. I can also supervise research. When I was at university, I used to watch the keen students in the library quite a lot.

I hope that you will consider me for either position.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

Oops forgot to attach the CV...

It would have helped if I had attached my CV!!!

Kind regards


Ian carpenter

I am never going to get the job now.

The British Ecological Society are looking for a Policy Officer.

The position offers an exciting opportunity for you to use your knowledge and experience of policy to develop the BES's role [good punctuation] as an advocate for ecological science.

Gulp...

Deadline for application was noon today. I am only a few hours late so here goes...

Dear Madam/Sir

I am late for applying for your position advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07. I really do apologise, but I have had a lot on my plate recently.

Are you still looking for a Policy Officer, or have you appointed one this afternoon?

I have attached my CV for your perusal, but I do appreciate that I am late in applying and that you may use it to mop up office spillages.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

SKI jobs want mountain people.

Ski Jobs: Knowledge is Powder.

Fantastic!

Knowledge is powder!!!!

I am not going to apply for any of their jobs, as I am not good with heights; therefore mountains are probably not a good idea. Besides there are literally thousands on the site and I would never finish the quest. Thank you SKI JOBS, but no thanks. Good pun though.

Alliance supporting community action on AIDS in developing countries. See above.

This next one looks the ticket.

ACM Advanced Currency Market SA.

What is an advanced currency? I thought the new twenty pound note was pretty advanced with its purple hue, but I think they are talking about something else here.

Fluent in English

This was in bold, so I must be on to a winner.

Experience in selling financial products

Erm, I did work in a bank for ten years.

They want a photo, a CV and a covering letter.

Dear Patrick

I am writing regarding your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

Your advert asked that I send a photo. I have attached a photo of my Mum and Dad’s cat Whisky. I hope that you enjoy it!

I have also attached my CV, and I hope that this letter is counted as a covering letter.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter