Monday, no Tuesday 1st January 2007, sorry 2008

So, another Christmas over with.

I think I shall just sit on the bus with Lenny.

The pictures represent the start and the end of my seasonal festivities.

The socks are the best Christmas present that I have ever bought. There was a website, in Switzerland, where you see pictures of around twenty Grannies. There were all sorts of pictures of Grannies. Young Grannies, Old Grannies, Big Grannies, Small Grannies. You had to select a Granny that you most liked. You clicked on a picture and then you were taken to a screen of the different designs you could choose. And this Swiss Granny would knit you a pair of socks for Christmas!

How fantastic!

So Rita, our favourite Swiss Granny, knitted a pair of socks for my common-law Mother in Law (Is there such a term?). Now, you have to bear in mind the whole transaction was completed in German, I felt ever so proud of us for doing this; GCSE German was only taken as a subsidiary subject whilst doing my A-levels over 17 years ago. So with the help of the Collins Gem German Dictionary (now in colour), my common-law Mother in Law has a pair of socks knitted by Rita.

Before you ask how I came across a site with Grannies on it, I read about it in The Independent.

We spent last night at Ann and Alex's (Alex and Ann would just be wrong; see above). Ann is Liz, of Liz and Les fame's sister, and Alex is her husband. They recently got married in Las Vegas, as Alex is a big Elvis fan. We had a stag/hen do in a great place in Scotland earlier on in the year. A place called Assynt House, with Graham and Liz (you know I think Liz and Graham might work here, hmm) as excellent hosts. It was a great weekend. So last night, felt like a bit of a re-union. The parachute in the picture was a present from Liz and Les. You stick it on the end of a champagne cork, and your champagne cork comes down on a parachute; brilliant!

We found it on the windscreen of Nick's car when we picked it up at 4 p.m. this afternoon, with a post-it note from Alex:

'Don't forget your parachute'.

Good work all round I would say.

So let's sit on the bus.

The onions went for £5.07. They were won by Barrynormal. There was a brief flurry of bidding on Christmas Eve (I think everyone was excited), but Barry has won the onions. I wonder which charity will be £5.07 better off.

The Fostering Network wanted a Media and Communications officer. Charity.

Women & Theatre wanted a General Manager. APD 15/10/07.

The Ecologist:

'The world's leading environmental Magazine needs someone to manage our website. If you:

Have experience editing copy
Can repackage and source copy
Can develop audience interaction and UGC
Can compile a weekly newsletter
Are able to re-launching a website

Please e-mail your CV.'

Honestly, am I able to re-launching a website? Can these people not write properly? I was just about to apply when I saw the .org website. These people needed to be told, but hey ho.

Hounslow Council wanted:

Finance Manager

Customer Relations Manager

Marketing Officer

All passed their apply by dates.

The Wall Street Journal wanted a Commissioning Editor - Special Sections.

Special Sections?

APD 5/10/07.

My sister, Alison; you remember the one with the Cindy doll, has given up smoking for the New Year. I sent her a text message at 6.00 p.m; still not had a fag. Come on Alison, you can do it.

Monday 24th December 2007

I have discovered the origins of Mornington Crescent.

My Mother in Law bought me a book on Mah-Jongg:

Rule 122 (e):

'If a player completes his hand by robbing a kong of two bamboos, he scores a full hand. This is termed as 'Scratching a Carrying Pole'.'

Whereas rule, 122 (f):

'If a player completes a kong, with the loose tile thus obtained completes a second kong, and with the second loose tile obtains Mah-Jongg, he scores a full hand. This is termed 'Kong upon kong', or 'Twofold Fortune'. The requirement for this hand is that two kongs and the whole hand should be completed in one and the same turn. '

Winchmore Hill.

The auction for the onions is up to £1.20.

Sunday 23rd December 2007

My Mum and Dad came down yesterday to discuss how Father Christmas delivers his presents all over the world.

We came to no conclusions.

They also brought the annual jar of pickled onions, made by Phyllis. Admittedly, Hippy is not best pleased with these onions.


330199560341

Is the E-bay number.

Please give generously.

Put 330199560341 into e-bay.

Saturday 22nd December 2007

Canterbury Christ Church were looking for a Senior Lecturer in Digital Media, APD 19/10/07.

VSO wanted a SENIOR CORPORATE PARTNERSHIPS FUNDRAISER. Charity.

The Greater Manchester Police are (were) looking for an Internal Communications Officer. How did you internally communicate during the miners' strike?

I'll hit him on the head, after you.

No thanks.


CAFOD just one world. I agree, but a charity.

The University of TEESSIDE were looking for a copywriter. APD 12/10/07.

Faber and Faber are looking for someone to design their covers:

Dear Madam/Sir

I glimpsed at your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.

I attach a picture of a cover that I have recently used in my work.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards



Ian Carpenter

Friday 21st December 2007

My computer crashed last night.

I thought that I had lost 3 months worth of failed job applications. It was not to be. Les (of Liz and Les fame) came through a treat. He is a legend, and managed to restore all of the pointless drivel from my little project.

I would just like to mention my friend Garrett. It was his birthday yesterday, and I forgot to send him a card. I have known Garrett for 16 years, and I have always sent him a card on his birthday. This year, I forgot. I apologise Garrett, but I wish you a happy birthday for yesterday.
I still respect Garrett's dad's opinion on Terry Wogan.

I had the day off today to do my Christmas Shopping. I woke up with no computer (see above), and the telly was on the blink.

I managed to fix it.

There was someone today on the weakest link, that looked like an older Billy Bragg. His name was Charles, and he got voted off in third place... Billy, seriously, ask for a copy of the video, he was you in ten years time.

Thursday 20th December 2007

Dear Ian

Thank you for your application, but unfortunately the position has been filled.

Best of luck with your search.

Regards


Katy Edwards Recruitment
Administrator Beechwood Recruitment Limited
Katy@beechwoodrecruit.com

I don't believe them, never mind.

Ofgem wanted an Electronic Communications Editor.

'What we offer you:

Salary Minimum £23,500
30 days annual leave, after two years'

They work you hard in the government, you get no holidays for two years. APD 8 October 2007.

The lounge are:

'Recruiting now:

Full time students seeking P/T promotional work.

(Non-students can also apply)'

Have a look at their website http://theloungegroup.com. They are a trendy marketing agency that are targeting the under 35 market. They promote things at Universities and clubs, and their website is full of pictures of bright young things having a marvellous time.

Dear all at the lounge group.

Your advert in the Guardian dated 29/09/07 left me with a feeling like I had just eaten a sherbet lemon.

I am not a student anymore, but your advert said that I can apply anyway.

I have to tell you that I am 35 years old next August, so I will be outside of your target age range, does this make a difference?

I notice from your website that a lot of your promotions take place in nightclubs. I haven’t been to a night club in years. We prefer to have people around for a few nibbles and drinks. I find that you can’t have a decent conversation in a nightclub, as the music is just too loud.

However, I attach my CV for your perusal and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kind regards


Ian Carpenter

Digital Designer for Somethin' Else closed on the 15/10/07.

END OF PAGE 21!!!

Dear Ian,

The Lounge Group is a Marketing and PR agency which specialises in the under 35s demographic. While our campaigns aim to target this demographic this does not exclude those over 35s from joining our network of field staff. Although the advert was aimed to target students as we were hoping to recruit candidates for specific campaigns (i.e. those on university campuses) we review every application on its own merits and consider applicants from all walks of life.

It is true that some of our campaigns are held at night clubs but the vast majority are not.

We have closed our applications for this year but will consider your application early in the New Year.

Kind regards and Season’s Greetings

Nic Fine
Operations Executive