Wednesday 17th October 2007
Applications: 46 Rejections: 1 Replies: 11 (10 if you count human) + Bonus Job! Withdrawn applications: 1
My car has got one of those on board computer things that can measure your fuel consumption over a given journey, or your average speed. I set it to zero on the way into work today to see how fast I travel on the A127: an average of 14 mph. Well done the South East.
No response from the Liberal Democrats today (They must have a lot on their mind). Still no response from my voice mail message to tenuk.
So on to the next job...
Oh no, it's the NHS again!!! I have already been rejected by their computer once (September 30th), can it happen again? I don't hold out much hope. They want a Director of Human Resources.
Phew closing date 17th October.
Again, they are directing me to a website. See above, the computer says, "no" to me on these things, so there is an e-mail address.
Dear Lynne
I am writing following your recent advertisement for Director of Human Resources.
I was relieved to see that the closing date was today, and I have just managed to apply on time.
Your advertisement directed me towards your website www.jobs.nhs.uk. I would not like to apply for your position through this route. I recently applied to the NHS on the 30th September for a Gateway to Leadership Programme. I was declined by your automated screening service, before a human being got to look at my application!
So therefore, I would like to apply in the (new fashioned) old fashioned way, by attaching my CV for your perusal.
Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
END OF THIRD PAGE!!!!
Well apart from an advert for guardianjobs.co.uk, and I am already registered. It is odd though, that I have not had an e-mail from them in two months, but today I received an e-mail for a job. Are they trying to challenge me?
Page four looks as inviting as page three.
Pilgrims are looking for:
Operations Manager (Operational Consultancy)
Operations Manager (Consultancy) [Anybody got any idea what the difference is?]
Training Manager
'Pilgrims is one of the UK's leading security risk management companies, providing a range of specialist consultancy, operational and information services to a significant blue chip client base around the globe.'
Well done you.
They must be specialists if they have to differentiate between Operational Consultancy and Consultancy.
No closing date, just send a CV.
Dear Madam/Sir
I am writing following you three job advertisements in the Guardian dated 29/9/07.
The Operations Manager (Operational Consultancy) role appeals to me. It asks for experience of working in hostile environments and within a commercial organisation.
I often work in hostile environments. For example, I was washing up this evening while my two cats (Hippy and Lenny) were fighting over the Iams.
The Operations Manager (Consultancy) role also appeals to me. I have to be honest, I was a bit unsure about the need to undertake impact analysis. Does this hurt? Are we provided with protective equipment?
Of all your three positions, Training Manager seems about the most suited to me.
I have attached my CV for your perusal.
Should you have any further queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Tuesday 16th October 2007
Applications: 42 Rejections: 1 Replies: 11 (10 if you count human) + Bonus Job!
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Thank you for showing an interest in applying to HCCT. All the information regarding the recruitment as well as an outline of our services etc. can be found on our website: www.hcct.org.uk, if you have any further questions please do not hesitate contacting me or applying through recruitment e-mail address. I appologise for a delay in getting back to you, it was due to the technical problems that we ahve been experiencing with our e-mails.
Yours Sincerely
Orkhan Ahmadov
Orkhan AhmadovAdmin/Finance Officer
As explained above, I will not be taking this application further. This is a well meaning charity and I can not waste any of their time. They have been experiencing problems with their e-mails, and I recommend that anyone who feels the need, can contribute towards their fund. Visit http://www.hcct.org.uk. Their e-mail problems are bad, it has caused them to misspell appolgise and ahve. Please donate generously.
So that was today's administration out of the way.
I had a conversation with one of my contractors at work today. I was explaining to him about my little project, and that I was applying for all of these jobs. In passing, he mentioned that there was one vacancy that had come up since yesterday. THE LEADER OF THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS!
Ok, ok, I know that this job has not technically been advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07. However, could I really resist this challenge? Sir Menzies Campbell had resigned and there was a vacancy.
I could have this one as a bonus job. A little extra. A bit like having cream on ice cream.
NEWS
Resignation letter by Sir Menzies Campbell
15 October 2007
Please find below the full text of Sir Menzies Campbell’s letter of resignation as Leader of the Liberal Democrats:
The PresidentThe Liberal Democrats
15th October 2007
When I was elected Leader of the Party in March 2006 I had three objectives. First, to restore stability and purpose in the party following my predecessor’s resignation and the leadership campaign itself, second to make the internal operations of the party more professional, and third to prepare the party for a General Election. With the help of others, I believe that I have fulfilled these objectives, although I am convinced that the internal structures of the party need radical revision if we are to compete effectively against Labour and the Conservatives.
But it has become clear that following the Prime Minister’s decision not to hold an election, questions about leadership are getting in the way of further progress by the party.
Accordingly I now submit my resignation as Leader with immediate effect.
I do not intend to hold a press conference or to make any further comment.
Yours sincerely,
Menzies CampbellLeader, Liberal Democrats
Short, succint, I think he is probably an honourable chap.
There are no direct links to any vacancies on the Liberal Democrats' Site: http://www.libdems.org.uk/. However there are several links instructing you how to update your blog to provide a link to their site. I will look in to this over the weekend.
There is a contact us e-mail address though...
Dear Madam/Sir
I have noticed from reading articles in the newspapers, watching the television, and listening to the radio, that you currently have a vacancy for the Leader of your organisation.
I would like to apply for the position.
I am not a member of your party, but I don’t think this should not come between us.
I have seen representatives from your party on the television, and they all seem like fairly nice people. I would really like to work with them.
I understand from the articles in the press that it is a two horse race between Nick Clegg and Duncan Huhne. This would be really boring, so I would like to throw my hat into the ring.
I was listening to an article on BBC radio Five Live Drive on my way home from work this evening. Messrs Clegg and Huhne were both on. It seems that the main thread in your thinking at the moment is redistribution of wealth, and social mobility. I would like to deal with each of these issues in order:
Redistribution of wealth.
I really believe that this is an important area for the party to be moving in. I am not calling myself wealthy, but I do have three bank accounts. I regularly have to redistribute wealth between these accounts. I use all facilities of the bank. I sometimes call into my local branch. I also telephone them, and even use the internet to transfer funds between my accounts. Did you know that you can even do it via the television?
Social Mobility
Again, this is a most important area for you to be looking at. I would like to socially move from being a Property Manager in Basildon, to being Leader of your party. What better a demonstration of your commitment to Social Mobility?
I will not go into any comment on ageism at this current time, as it is probably a sensitive subject in your organisation.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I would welcome a reply at your earliest convenience.
Could you please explain the job application process in more detail?
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
So all of that excitement has meant that I have not applied to any more jobs in the Guardian today. I have still not heard back from tenuk: No wonder they need an operations manager, I left my message yesterday and still no reply!!! And Patrick Meiier has not responded to my invitation for a beer in Geneva next weekend (Perhaps he really did want to meet Whisky).
Applications: 42 Rejections: 1 Replies: 11 (10 if you count human) + Bonus Job!
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Thank you for showing an interest in applying to HCCT. All the information regarding the recruitment as well as an outline of our services etc. can be found on our website: www.hcct.org.uk, if you have any further questions please do not hesitate contacting me or applying through recruitment e-mail address. I appologise for a delay in getting back to you, it was due to the technical problems that we ahve been experiencing with our e-mails.
Yours Sincerely
Orkhan Ahmadov
Orkhan AhmadovAdmin/Finance Officer
As explained above, I will not be taking this application further. This is a well meaning charity and I can not waste any of their time. They have been experiencing problems with their e-mails, and I recommend that anyone who feels the need, can contribute towards their fund. Visit http://www.hcct.org.uk. Their e-mail problems are bad, it has caused them to misspell appolgise and ahve. Please donate generously.
So that was today's administration out of the way.
I had a conversation with one of my contractors at work today. I was explaining to him about my little project, and that I was applying for all of these jobs. In passing, he mentioned that there was one vacancy that had come up since yesterday. THE LEADER OF THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS!
Ok, ok, I know that this job has not technically been advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07. However, could I really resist this challenge? Sir Menzies Campbell had resigned and there was a vacancy.
I could have this one as a bonus job. A little extra. A bit like having cream on ice cream.
NEWS
Resignation letter by Sir Menzies Campbell
15 October 2007
Please find below the full text of Sir Menzies Campbell’s letter of resignation as Leader of the Liberal Democrats:
The PresidentThe Liberal Democrats
15th October 2007
When I was elected Leader of the Party in March 2006 I had three objectives. First, to restore stability and purpose in the party following my predecessor’s resignation and the leadership campaign itself, second to make the internal operations of the party more professional, and third to prepare the party for a General Election. With the help of others, I believe that I have fulfilled these objectives, although I am convinced that the internal structures of the party need radical revision if we are to compete effectively against Labour and the Conservatives.
But it has become clear that following the Prime Minister’s decision not to hold an election, questions about leadership are getting in the way of further progress by the party.
Accordingly I now submit my resignation as Leader with immediate effect.
I do not intend to hold a press conference or to make any further comment.
Yours sincerely,
Menzies CampbellLeader, Liberal Democrats
Short, succint, I think he is probably an honourable chap.
There are no direct links to any vacancies on the Liberal Democrats' Site: http://www.libdems.org.uk/. However there are several links instructing you how to update your blog to provide a link to their site. I will look in to this over the weekend.
There is a contact us e-mail address though...
Dear Madam/Sir
I have noticed from reading articles in the newspapers, watching the television, and listening to the radio, that you currently have a vacancy for the Leader of your organisation.
I would like to apply for the position.
I am not a member of your party, but I don’t think this should not come between us.
I have seen representatives from your party on the television, and they all seem like fairly nice people. I would really like to work with them.
I understand from the articles in the press that it is a two horse race between Nick Clegg and Duncan Huhne. This would be really boring, so I would like to throw my hat into the ring.
I was listening to an article on BBC radio Five Live Drive on my way home from work this evening. Messrs Clegg and Huhne were both on. It seems that the main thread in your thinking at the moment is redistribution of wealth, and social mobility. I would like to deal with each of these issues in order:
Redistribution of wealth.
I really believe that this is an important area for the party to be moving in. I am not calling myself wealthy, but I do have three bank accounts. I regularly have to redistribute wealth between these accounts. I use all facilities of the bank. I sometimes call into my local branch. I also telephone them, and even use the internet to transfer funds between my accounts. Did you know that you can even do it via the television?
Social Mobility
Again, this is a most important area for you to be looking at. I would like to socially move from being a Property Manager in Basildon, to being Leader of your party. What better a demonstration of your commitment to Social Mobility?
I will not go into any comment on ageism at this current time, as it is probably a sensitive subject in your organisation.
I have attached my CV for your perusal, and I would welcome a reply at your earliest convenience.
Could you please explain the job application process in more detail?
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
So all of that excitement has meant that I have not applied to any more jobs in the Guardian today. I have still not heard back from tenuk: No wonder they need an operations manager, I left my message yesterday and still no reply!!! And Patrick Meiier has not responded to my invitation for a beer in Geneva next weekend (Perhaps he really did want to meet Whisky).
Monday, October 15, 2007
Monday 15th October 2007
Applications: 42 Rejections: 1 Replies: 9 (8 if you count human)
I was really excited this morning. Until this point, the whole enterprise has been rather anonymous. Sending the initial e-mail, receiving a response, I could hide behind the computer. Today was going to be my first human vocal interaction! I had to call Lesley-Anne from tenuk, as she wanted to discuss my application further.
I was actually quite nervous about the whole affair. Admittedly, I did not actually want their job, but I got the same feelings of nervousness when you are applying for a job normally. I was going to do it at lunch time. It would have helped if I had remembered to bring the telephone number into work with me. So after driving home to get the number from the answer machine at lunch time, I psyched myself up to take the plunge.
Breathe in for five, and out for seven...
Voicemail.
Apparently Lesley is in the office, but she has lots of projects on today, so she will return my call when she is available.
I did not hear back from her today, but look forward to discussing my application with her tomorrow.
Anyway, The Manchester Jobs:
Dear Kirsty
Can I sell Manchester?
Yes I can!!!
Please find attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
This is becoming a habit now, and I think that it may be costing me job interviews.
CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!!
They are looking for people who work in:
RIGGING
AUTOMATION
STAGE CARPENTRY
ELECTRICS
In Macau in Asia! How fantastic? They offer a full 18 days paid time off a year, and the interviews are taking place in New York and London (I hope they pay the travel expenses though).
Dear Madam/sir
I read with a considerable amount of interest that you are looking for rigging, automation, stage carpentry, and electrics for your Venetian resort in Macau.
I can not pretend to have any experience in these areas, but I would like to apply for the positions anyway. After all, Carpenter by name, carpenter by nature!!!
Please find attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Anyway, the chain smoking spider is back tonight. Note to self: I will need to check the pink recycling bags to see if the council will accept tiny empty spider medicine bottles, and their packaging; she must be storing them down the back of the picture rail somewhere.
Applications: 42 Rejections: 1 Replies: 9 (8 if you count human)
I was really excited this morning. Until this point, the whole enterprise has been rather anonymous. Sending the initial e-mail, receiving a response, I could hide behind the computer. Today was going to be my first human vocal interaction! I had to call Lesley-Anne from tenuk, as she wanted to discuss my application further.
I was actually quite nervous about the whole affair. Admittedly, I did not actually want their job, but I got the same feelings of nervousness when you are applying for a job normally. I was going to do it at lunch time. It would have helped if I had remembered to bring the telephone number into work with me. So after driving home to get the number from the answer machine at lunch time, I psyched myself up to take the plunge.
Breathe in for five, and out for seven...
Voicemail.
Apparently Lesley is in the office, but she has lots of projects on today, so she will return my call when she is available.
I did not hear back from her today, but look forward to discussing my application with her tomorrow.
Anyway, The Manchester Jobs:
Dear Kirsty
Can I sell Manchester?
Yes I can!!!
Please find attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
This is becoming a habit now, and I think that it may be costing me job interviews.
CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!!
They are looking for people who work in:
RIGGING
AUTOMATION
STAGE CARPENTRY
ELECTRICS
In Macau in Asia! How fantastic? They offer a full 18 days paid time off a year, and the interviews are taking place in New York and London (I hope they pay the travel expenses though).
Dear Madam/sir
I read with a considerable amount of interest that you are looking for rigging, automation, stage carpentry, and electrics for your Venetian resort in Macau.
I can not pretend to have any experience in these areas, but I would like to apply for the positions anyway. After all, Carpenter by name, carpenter by nature!!!
Please find attached my CV for your perusal.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Anyway, the chain smoking spider is back tonight. Note to self: I will need to check the pink recycling bags to see if the council will accept tiny empty spider medicine bottles, and their packaging; she must be storing them down the back of the picture rail somewhere.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sunday 14th October 2007
I woke up this morning with blue lip disease.
Don't panic, dear reader, this was due to the fact that I celebrated a fantastic victory for the England rugby team over France in the world cup semi final with a bottle of Des Trois Seigneurs, vin de pays L'aude. That is ironic, Alanis Morissette. England 14- France 9, and what a game? I wondered how many times I would need to go around the M25 to get such a score in The Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game.
The landline telephone in my house is in the lounge. As discussed earlier, I smoke, and I therefore spend the majority of my time at home in the dining room (with my spider benylin friend). I rarely go into the lounge. This means that I check the answerphone messages about once a month. This is not good for urgent matters, I agree, and I apologise to any friends who have yet to receive a returned call.
However yesterday I heard the dulcet tones of Lesley-Anne Ryan from tenuk! She would like me to call her to discuss my application further. Are these people mad?!? I applied to them on the 9th October with:
Dear ten
I would love to be part of your revolution!
Please find attached my Curriculum Vitae.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
And they want to discuss me being their Marketing Operations Manager? Well I will have to call them tomorrow at lunch time. I am slightly nervous about this, and I do not know what I am going to say, but we will see what happens. I see it going a bit like this:
Lesley-Anne: Hello tenuk, Lesley Speaking, how may I help you?
Me: Hello, I am just returning your voice mail message, my name is Ian Carpenter, and I have applied for your jobs advertised in the Guardian.
Lesley-Anne: (papers rustling in the background) Oh yes, which job where you applying for: it was not clear from your e-mail.
Me: All of them.
Lesley-Anne: But the jobs are very different, Marketing Operations Manager, Operations Director, and Analytics Manager are very different roles. Do you have any experience in any of these areas?
Me: No, sorry.
Lesley-Anne: Could you please stop wasting my time?
Me: Yes, sorry, bye -bye.
I will let you know how it all turns out tomorrow evening.
Anyway the next job:
Can you sell Manchester as a World-Class city region?
I don't know, can you? Not wanting to get all Ross Noble about it, I had images of actually selling Manchester as an object. You know when you have to move a piece of turf on your lawn, you kind of edge it with one of those crescent shaped lawn edgers, and scoop it up with a spade. I had the images of going around the outskirts of Manchester (this might take a while), with said lawn edger and literally picking Manchester up and selling it. This would need some quite heavy lifting gear, I would imagine.
Let's see.
I woke up this morning with blue lip disease.
Don't panic, dear reader, this was due to the fact that I celebrated a fantastic victory for the England rugby team over France in the world cup semi final with a bottle of Des Trois Seigneurs, vin de pays L'aude. That is ironic, Alanis Morissette. England 14- France 9, and what a game? I wondered how many times I would need to go around the M25 to get such a score in The Norbert Dentressangle v Eddie Stobart game.
The landline telephone in my house is in the lounge. As discussed earlier, I smoke, and I therefore spend the majority of my time at home in the dining room (with my spider benylin friend). I rarely go into the lounge. This means that I check the answerphone messages about once a month. This is not good for urgent matters, I agree, and I apologise to any friends who have yet to receive a returned call.
However yesterday I heard the dulcet tones of Lesley-Anne Ryan from tenuk! She would like me to call her to discuss my application further. Are these people mad?!? I applied to them on the 9th October with:
Dear ten
I would love to be part of your revolution!
Please find attached my Curriculum Vitae.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
And they want to discuss me being their Marketing Operations Manager? Well I will have to call them tomorrow at lunch time. I am slightly nervous about this, and I do not know what I am going to say, but we will see what happens. I see it going a bit like this:
Lesley-Anne: Hello tenuk, Lesley Speaking, how may I help you?
Me: Hello, I am just returning your voice mail message, my name is Ian Carpenter, and I have applied for your jobs advertised in the Guardian.
Lesley-Anne: (papers rustling in the background) Oh yes, which job where you applying for: it was not clear from your e-mail.
Me: All of them.
Lesley-Anne: But the jobs are very different, Marketing Operations Manager, Operations Director, and Analytics Manager are very different roles. Do you have any experience in any of these areas?
Me: No, sorry.
Lesley-Anne: Could you please stop wasting my time?
Me: Yes, sorry, bye -bye.
I will let you know how it all turns out tomorrow evening.
Anyway the next job:
Can you sell Manchester as a World-Class city region?
I don't know, can you? Not wanting to get all Ross Noble about it, I had images of actually selling Manchester as an object. You know when you have to move a piece of turf on your lawn, you kind of edge it with one of those crescent shaped lawn edgers, and scoop it up with a spade. I had the images of going around the outskirts of Manchester (this might take a while), with said lawn edger and literally picking Manchester up and selling it. This would need some quite heavy lifting gear, I would imagine.
Let's see.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Friday 12th October 2007
Applications: 32 Rejections: 1 Replies: 9 (8 if you count human)
From: Patrick - ACM
Sent: 12 October 2007 09:06
To: Ian Carpenter
Subject: RE: Job
Hello Ian,
Thank you.
We would like to meet Whisky in order to see if we have a suitable position for him.
Can he travel alone?
Please advice
Thank you
Patrick Meier
Head of Global Sales
www.ac-markets.com
50, rue du Rhône - 1204 - Geneva - SWITZERLAND
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
Patrick is head of Global Sales in a Swiss bank. He must get quite a few e-mails in his day. I sent my e-mail last night at around 11 o'clock. And he has responded by 10.06 am the following day (add an hour). This is the best response that I have had so far. So I need to respond, to thank him for taking it all in the right spirit.
Dear Patrick
Thank you so much for your response today, it really did make me laugh.
You may have guessed that I might not be taking this too seriously. I have a project to apply for every job in the Guardian Newspaper on the 29/9/07.
Please see the following link: http://guardianwork.blogspot.com. I hope this gives you some idea of what I am doing.
Coincidentally, I am in Geneva on the weekend of the 27th of October. If you have looked at my CV, and would like to have a beer somewhere, it would be very funny to have a meeting.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter and Whisky
A couple of friends of ours had the idea of going to Chamonix for the weekend around three weeks ago. I agreed, before I saw the Viaduct Egratz that leads up into the mountains (see above I am not good with heights). So I think we may be staying in Geneva on the Saturday night.
Anyway, after all that excitement I also received:
Many thanks for your email.
I will be out of the office until the 15th October. If your query is urgent please call the office on 0208 871 9797.
Kindest Regards
Hannah
From The British Ecological Society.
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Please find attached the job description for the Lead Case Manager role.
(See attached file: Lead Case Manager Jul 07.doc)
Kind regards,
Sam Ha
Human Resources Team Administrator
From the Health Professions Council.
End of page two.
Page three looks a lot more inviting than the others. There are large adverts, so it should not take too long to apply for these jobs...
Theatre Royal Plymouth are looking for an Education Manager, a Community Engagement Manager, and a Young people's programme director.
Dear Jane
Thank you for your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I would like to apply for your positions advertised. I am passionate about the theatre and the community,
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Applications: 32 Rejections: 1 Replies: 9 (8 if you count human)
From: Patrick - ACM
Sent: 12 October 2007 09:06
To: Ian Carpenter
Subject: RE: Job
Hello Ian,
Thank you.
We would like to meet Whisky in order to see if we have a suitable position for him.
Can he travel alone?
Please advice
Thank you
Patrick Meier
Head of Global Sales
www.ac-markets.com
50, rue du Rhône - 1204 - Geneva - SWITZERLAND
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
Patrick is head of Global Sales in a Swiss bank. He must get quite a few e-mails in his day. I sent my e-mail last night at around 11 o'clock. And he has responded by 10.06 am the following day (add an hour). This is the best response that I have had so far. So I need to respond, to thank him for taking it all in the right spirit.
Dear Patrick
Thank you so much for your response today, it really did make me laugh.
You may have guessed that I might not be taking this too seriously. I have a project to apply for every job in the Guardian Newspaper on the 29/9/07.
Please see the following link: http://guardianwork.blogspot.com. I hope this gives you some idea of what I am doing.
Coincidentally, I am in Geneva on the weekend of the 27th of October. If you have looked at my CV, and would like to have a beer somewhere, it would be very funny to have a meeting.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter and Whisky
A couple of friends of ours had the idea of going to Chamonix for the weekend around three weeks ago. I agreed, before I saw the Viaduct Egratz that leads up into the mountains (see above I am not good with heights). So I think we may be staying in Geneva on the Saturday night.
Anyway, after all that excitement I also received:
Many thanks for your email.
I will be out of the office until the 15th October. If your query is urgent please call the office on 0208 871 9797.
Kindest Regards
Hannah
From The British Ecological Society.
Dear Mr Carpenter,
Please find attached the job description for the Lead Case Manager role.
(See attached file: Lead Case Manager Jul 07.doc)
Kind regards,
Sam Ha
Human Resources Team Administrator
From the Health Professions Council.
End of page two.
Page three looks a lot more inviting than the others. There are large adverts, so it should not take too long to apply for these jobs...
Theatre Royal Plymouth are looking for an Education Manager, a Community Engagement Manager, and a Young people's programme director.
Dear Jane
Thank you for your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
I would like to apply for your positions advertised. I am passionate about the theatre and the community,
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Thursday 11th October 2007
Applications: 29 Rejections: 1 Replies: 6 (5 if you count human)
Cheese and onion crisps: brilliant.
GOOD NEWS FOR THE SPIDER LOVERS!
The world's first chain smoking spider has made a return tonight. I think it must have had a bit of a cough, and was probably laying off the fags for a while. Perhaps it took some spider benylin. (There are other spider cough medicines available: The honey and lemon spider lemsip capsules come highly recommended).
Afghanaid want a UK Director. See above, I can really not apply for this job, for now.
Brad Insight are looking for a Research Supervisor and Research Executives.
A confident and approachable manner is critical in this role and familiarity with database systems would be an advantage.
I am fairly confident, and I hope approachable. I am familiar with databases; I know that I do not understand how they work.
Dear Susan
I read with some considerable interest the advertisement that you placed in The Guardian on the 29/09/07.
As you can see from my attached CV, I can research. I can also supervise research. When I was at university, I used to watch the keen students in the library quite a lot.
I hope that you will consider me for either position.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Oops forgot to attach the CV...
It would have helped if I had attached my CV!!!
Kind regards
Ian carpenter
I am never going to get the job now.
The British Ecological Society are looking for a Policy Officer.
The position offers an exciting opportunity for you to use your knowledge and experience of policy to develop the BES's role [good punctuation] as an advocate for ecological science.
Gulp...
Deadline for application was noon today. I am only a few hours late so here goes...
Dear Madam/Sir
I am late for applying for your position advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07. I really do apologise, but I have had a lot on my plate recently.
Are you still looking for a Policy Officer, or have you appointed one this afternoon?
I have attached my CV for your perusal, but I do appreciate that I am late in applying and that you may use it to mop up office spillages.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
SKI jobs want mountain people.
Ski Jobs: Knowledge is Powder.
Fantastic!
Knowledge is powder!!!!
I am not going to apply for any of their jobs, as I am not good with heights; therefore mountains are probably not a good idea. Besides there are literally thousands on the site and I would never finish the quest. Thank you SKI JOBS, but no thanks. Good pun though.
Alliance supporting community action on AIDS in developing countries. See above.
This next one looks the ticket.
ACM Advanced Currency Market SA.
What is an advanced currency? I thought the new twenty pound note was pretty advanced with its purple hue, but I think they are talking about something else here.
Fluent in English
This was in bold, so I must be on to a winner.
Experience in selling financial products
Erm, I did work in a bank for ten years.
They want a photo, a CV and a covering letter.
Dear Patrick
I am writing regarding your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Your advert asked that I send a photo. I have attached a photo of my Mum and Dad’s cat Whisky. I hope that you enjoy it!
I have also attached my CV, and I hope that this letter is counted as a covering letter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Applications: 29 Rejections: 1 Replies: 6 (5 if you count human)
Cheese and onion crisps: brilliant.
GOOD NEWS FOR THE SPIDER LOVERS!
The world's first chain smoking spider has made a return tonight. I think it must have had a bit of a cough, and was probably laying off the fags for a while. Perhaps it took some spider benylin. (There are other spider cough medicines available: The honey and lemon spider lemsip capsules come highly recommended).
Afghanaid want a UK Director. See above, I can really not apply for this job, for now.
Brad Insight are looking for a Research Supervisor and Research Executives.
A confident and approachable manner is critical in this role and familiarity with database systems would be an advantage.
I am fairly confident, and I hope approachable. I am familiar with databases; I know that I do not understand how they work.
Dear Susan
I read with some considerable interest the advertisement that you placed in The Guardian on the 29/09/07.
As you can see from my attached CV, I can research. I can also supervise research. When I was at university, I used to watch the keen students in the library quite a lot.
I hope that you will consider me for either position.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
Oops forgot to attach the CV...
It would have helped if I had attached my CV!!!
Kind regards
Ian carpenter
I am never going to get the job now.
The British Ecological Society are looking for a Policy Officer.
The position offers an exciting opportunity for you to use your knowledge and experience of policy to develop the BES's role [good punctuation] as an advocate for ecological science.
Gulp...
Deadline for application was noon today. I am only a few hours late so here goes...
Dear Madam/Sir
I am late for applying for your position advertised in the Guardian dated 29/09/07. I really do apologise, but I have had a lot on my plate recently.
Are you still looking for a Policy Officer, or have you appointed one this afternoon?
I have attached my CV for your perusal, but I do appreciate that I am late in applying and that you may use it to mop up office spillages.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
SKI jobs want mountain people.
Ski Jobs: Knowledge is Powder.
Fantastic!
Knowledge is powder!!!!
I am not going to apply for any of their jobs, as I am not good with heights; therefore mountains are probably not a good idea. Besides there are literally thousands on the site and I would never finish the quest. Thank you SKI JOBS, but no thanks. Good pun though.
Alliance supporting community action on AIDS in developing countries. See above.
This next one looks the ticket.
ACM Advanced Currency Market SA.
What is an advanced currency? I thought the new twenty pound note was pretty advanced with its purple hue, but I think they are talking about something else here.
Fluent in English
This was in bold, so I must be on to a winner.
Experience in selling financial products
Erm, I did work in a bank for ten years.
They want a photo, a CV and a covering letter.
Dear Patrick
I am writing regarding your advertisement in the Guardian dated 29/09/07.
Your advert asked that I send a photo. I have attached a photo of my Mum and Dad’s cat Whisky. I hope that you enjoy it!
I have also attached my CV, and I hope that this letter is counted as a covering letter.
Kind regards
Ian Carpenter
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